I assume that every. single. one. of my dedicated readers read the Masterdoc to the bitter end and therefore understand the metaphysical importance I have thrust on my poor innocent F key.
jk im a masochist not a sadist!!
Here is the gist of my ~highly academic~ conclusion (pay special attention to the “What I have lost” section:
What I have gained from driving myself bonkers, living and breathing Seth Meyers for the last few weeks: I remembered that I love to write even if it is just for myself. If I had worked this hard or cared anywhere near as much about my Senior Thesis—I would probably still be unemployed (political theory does NOT pay)—but definitely wouldn’t have had to pull two weeks of all-nighters in order to graduate…
What I have lost: my F key! Every time I use an f word, I have to go through the torturous sensory experience that is touching a weird little keyboard nub. It is rubbery and warm, collects crumbs, and makes me want to cut off (~EW!!!~) the tops of my fingers (gag). Although I do not imagine this project will yield any paying writing jobs, I told myself (gag) I’m going to get it fixed (gag) with money I make writing. For (gag) now, I will use my many years of (ew) therapy to try and promote this without scratching my eyeballs out and use the blog to hold myself (gag) accountable and keep putting myself (gag) out there…ew, that last part kind of felt (gag) like when the title of (gag) a movie is in the movie.
Call me. Beep me. I’m a good writer, editor, and researcher. I can curl into a very tight ball, taking up little to no space. I am proficient (gag) in most Adobe software (ew), and can use social media as well as the hippest teen, although I prefer(gag) to keep a low soshe (social media) profile myself (ew). I am also in the market to muse/model/be a fountain of (gag) creative inspiration
Welp. Turns out it wasn't my dedication to the bit that spelled trouble for my keyboard. Rather, a well documented manufacturing flaw that eventually forced Apple to implement a program that replaces certain keyboards (and batteries, thanks to a bad case of sticky keys).
This is not me selling out. Although Apple will now (hopefully) cover my icky little keyboard situation, I won’t send it for replacement until I make some money writing. The keepers of the keys can’t buy me!! In fact, I’m bleeding money that I do not have, scribbling random ideas on construction paper at work. If anything…this news has proven my dedication to the cause (avoiding corporate life at all costs via a weird bet I made with myself).
Until I’m rolling in dough,
xxMissingF