LNSM: Jackals, DO BETTER
More like Murch MID-ness (milking my LNSM knowledge for content) updated for Week of 5/9
**A NOTE REGARDING THE MUG FOR THE WEEK OF 5/9** @LNSM, I’m going to assume you read my scathing review of Murch Madness and took it to heart. The 5/9 Mug was some of your best work…the likes of which we haven’t seen since October 2021. Bravo. Bravah.
Background: On sub-daddy you can now start a podcast (with video feed!) but still can’t add links to specific blocks of text. SO. If you need background I suggest visiting The Jackal Masterdoc and Command+F-ing “3/14” or “Murch” to review Corrections during the month-long celebration of Seth’s weekly curated mugs. Also see the footnotes from Anatomy of a Desk for a comprehensive (up to date) list of said mugs.
“More like Murch MID-ness” - me!
I do not know who to be more disappointed with…Jackals, a people I formerly assumed were part of a niche-chaos-internet-intelligentsia?! Or, the actual kings of comedy over at 30 Rockefeller Plaza.
Why so disappointed? Is it because none of my DMs to LNSM have been read/answered? Because my 62,599 word (the last I checked) essay hasn’t gone viral, rocketing me to the writing position of my dreams? Because I still don’t have an F Key?! No.
Fellow Jackals, the 256 (and counting :P) unique Missing F visitors, and @seacaptainpolls’ 18.1K followers, lend me your ears. I’ll try putting this as plainly as possible. I am disappointed that after OVER one year together…twelve polls…THIRTY-TWO mugs…in the FIRST pro-democracy instance since Lorde-gate, Jackals and non-radicalized @seacaptainpolls followers voted through SUCH (mug) DUDS.
Murch Madness was our chance to show the big wigs at Late Night that we appreciate nuance, graphic design, and long drawn out bits. Our chance to prove that in this late stage-capitalist hellscape, we, the people, still appreciate 20th century pop culture references and cling to artistic expression that doesn’t treat its viewers as the lowest common denominator. Not to be crude…or invoke media conglomerate-property on media conglomerate-property violence…but Jackals, countrymen, you Fallon-ed up Corrections with these choices.
LAME. And, LAME. Awww (sarcastic) a little cartoon Jackal typing away at the computer. LOLOLOL (sarcastic), it’s the Late Night logo with “Correction Jackals” instead of “Seth Meyers”. TOMATO! TOMATO! TOMATO! Blame it on the bracket, or the two party system, but THIS, my friends, is how we get stuck with mediocre Democratic nominees. Murch Madness, my fellow disappointed peers, is Eric Adams.
I won’t just gripe, waxing poetic on comedic voice and missed opportunity. Here is how the bracket should have gone, based on months of exhaustive research on the state of Late Night, literally writing the book convoluted internet essay on Corrections, and my superior(sarcastic) opinion:
Murch Madness (@seacaptainpolls’ Version)
Murch Madness (Isabel’s Version)
Murch Madness (From the Vault) (Isabel’s Version) (10 Minute Version aka REMEMBER THE FORGOTTEN aka The Way It Could Still Be)
The following thought experiment/fantasy takes place in a National Convention meets WWE style arena with delegates, fans, and frantic political operatives buzzing about:
Jackal at Computer-mug and Late Night With Correction Jackals-mug, the two most mid candidates running for official status, take the stage for their Murch-nomination acceptance speech.
Oh, what’s that?
Some booing from the back?
A slow clap begins. The crowd parts, revealing the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breath free: the forgotten mugs of Corrections past!
Tomatoes fly across the room hitting both Murch nominees with such force they shatter into millions of populist porcelain pieces.
FLASHBACK TO THE JACKAL MASTERDOC: Corrections Era. Week of March 28th:
Murch Madness: Final Four via @seacaptainpolls
At the time of posting, neither of this publication’s picks are in the lead…pointing to what Seth has known all along: Jackals are 1. Not a monolith. 2. Not very good murch pickers. And 3. The majority losers with a bad sense of humor considering Late Night with Half Ass Ham did not win in some sort of write in vote situation. @Late Night with Seth Meyers: Did you learn nothing from The Oscars? Nothing from The Flash entering the speed force of it all? We are here to celebrate the craft, not the public’s opinion. If I wanted to see a popular thing via some sort of gimmick, I would watch Jimmy Fallon.
Do.
Better.
Or at least host a Critics’ Choice.
End of flashback/Return to National Convention meets WWE arena
We pan to the audience as the true victors emerge.
Late Night with Half-Ass Ham-mug, mug from the Week of Tuesday 8/17, the leader of The Resistance, marches scoots through the crowd. Just when everyone thinks he is the sole dissenter, his peers emerge behind him. The slow clap erupts into thunderous applause.
Wally from the annual NBCUniversal Respect in the Workplace Seminar (from his bed)-mug appears!
And who’s that behind him?
It’s Fine Young Cannibals’ Roland Gift-mug, followed by former candidate More Like “Jerkels!”-mug.
The crowd is going wild. Security doesn’t know what to do. The Sea Captain fears there will soon be a Pizza Hatz fueled riot if he doesn’t give into the crowd.
In a surprising show of community support, Sea Captain gives in.
All of the mugs are available for purchase in the NBC store (in person and online).
The End.