I began this stupid little project for a number of reasons. Namely, I wanted to radicalize my brother into watching the Emmy losing segment “Corrections” with me every Friday. Corrections, of course, is the weekly video where Seth Meyers, of Late Night with Seth Meyers, addresses mistakes and controversies from the week’s shows as pointed out by YouTube commenters (internally referred to as ‘Jackals’). The three to twenty minute, Emmy nominated segment, is a combined product of quarantine, no studio audience, acute psychosis, and fandom(?). First I tried to explain it to him joke by joke. Unfortunately, that method has an adverse effect on comedy. Next, I began compiling a list*, which turned into more of a DIY true crime- Pepe Silvia situation…
Once I started explaining the importance of multiple feuds and bits, I realized just how much the show has evolved into the best form of itself since the pandemic. I wasn’t the only one who noticed this, Jackals and “professional” critics (also here) alike noted that Seth’s show seemed better suited for dedicated nightly viewers than the types that usually make up the audience.
Think Letterman and Conan versus the individually consumable segments that made up a lot of pop culture content in the late 2010s (Corden’s Carpool Karaoke, Kimmel’s Celebrities Read Mean Tweets, any game on Jimmy Fallon). The common thread here: Viewers don’t need context beyond a general grasp of pop culture and a sense of humor. While frequent viewers of Last Week Tonight might have a deeper reference of local news flops, nothing stops a new viewer from appreciating out of touch anchors trying to integrate a trendy internet term into their banter.** Celebrity-centric segments have the added benefit of said celebrity’s fan base. They are a no commitment entry point…It's not a criticism, it’s just true: I don’t need to be a nightly Kimmel viewer to watch/appreciate Zendaya reading mean tweets. This is, what some may point to, as a flaw of Corrections. The entry point was pretty much a year ago and you could catch up, but it takes more than six hours and (at the time of writing this) 39 ads to complete (the kind that are long but you have to pay attention to in order to skip). And even then, there are moments you’ll miss if you haven’t been along for the ride since before the at-home shows of 2020.
This brings me to…now: The one year anniversary of Corrections. Not to mention, during the 7th annual Meyers Family Thanksgiving Episode, Meyers shared a video of his two sons announcing the birth of their new baby sister.** He noted that the birth of his daughter, Adelaide, was far less chaotic than the birth of his first two children, Ashe, who was nearly born in an Uber, and Axel, the infamous “Lobby Baby”.
Ashe made Seth and his wife, Alexi, parents and Axel provided the name and a great deal of content for Meyers’ 2019 Netflix special. So, I figured I would share this fever-dream of a project (1) in an effort to convince more people (or at least my friends) to tune in so that Late Night/Corrections gets the appreciation I think it deserves. And, (2) so that new born Adelaide doesn’t get the shaft, favorite child wise, seeing as she didn’t get a special named after her.
Here it goes: My tribute to one year of Jackals, a baby shower gift to the Meyers Fam, and a monument to my unemployment.***
*As I edited this introduction, I realized typing out explanations also takes the piss out of jokes. But you know what? I don’t care. At this point I’ve sunk 13 hours into writing. So, in the grand tradition of 30 Rock (and people who invest a lot in a hobby only to realize they don’t like it), “I have to climb down, into the darkness”.
**This comment is specific to segments that are individually consumable—not necessarily split from the show (like Corrections)—but their own thing. Plenty of late-night hosts have recurring bits, and Oliver’s, in particular, tend towards deeply satisfying end-of-season pay off.
***AUTHOR’S NOTE:
I know I should post this behemoth of a project in multiple sections (for SEO or readability or mORe CONteNt) or make a video essay like the PLL guy (a combined SIX HOURS of explanation) but I was loosely inspired by the Am I A Lesbian_Masterdoc.pdf, and like the idea of being able to Command F your way through three years of late night television.
Unfortunately, I used Microsoft for my draft…spending a sickening amount of time creating an ~easy 2 navigate~ Table of Contents, Index, Appendix, AND 40+ internal reference links (and a chart/graph visual situation). Imagine my surprise when people weren’t interested in my PDF that was too big to send via Gmail…and, my terror when I had to reformat 61 pages of nonsense AND make a blog (who am I? a frkn golden retriever?!). SO, I’m going to post the bulk of my work here (even though the substack algorithm assigned it a revolting 93 minutes). And I will create other posts for Anatomy of A Desk, The Unofficial LNSM Impression Count (footnotes), and my timeline-of-a-bit model. I’m including a brief (non-linked) Table of Contents below because…why not. I did my best to remove my ~carefully curated~ internal links, but if a link reads “applewebdata” just know it was supposed to take you to an explanation. If I haven’t already apologized, I’m sorry for this project and any promotion I do for it…just know it hurts my pride way more than your feed.
6/27 UPDATE: Substack allows writers to link directly to headings now…which is better than nothing I guess?!
So, you want to watch Seth Meyers? Weird. But if you’re going to watch, watch like a pro. Consider this your artisan-hand crafted guide (ew) to watching and understanding Late Night With Seth Meyers, the (I have no idea how Nielsen scores work but he usually has more viewers than Corden) ranked late night show.
Maybe you have a thing for under dogs. Always the Emmy nominee, never the Emmy winner. Maybe you’ve caught on that at least 15% of every show is directed towards a small, anonymous, group of insiders and you want to be a part of the 1%. Maybe you are an unemployed recent-graduate, live with your parents, and crave some normalcy…A schedule. STRUCTURE…and use late night TV as a way to keep the days from blending together. Maybe you just like to be negged (we don’t kink shame here)! Maybe, you are lukewarm about joining a cult, have self-diagnosed daddy-issues, or need a way to filter out energy that could potentially get you emotionally and financially trapped in a pseudo-religious pyramid scheme. Well…Seth is the long haired, plaid-clad, silver-ing fox of a late-night host you’ve been looking for. The initiation fee? Years of loyal pandemic and pre-pandemic viewership, or, reading this far too detailed account of the inside jokes that make LNSM feel like the tight knit (maybe toxic?) improv team you always secretly wanted to audition for but never actually joined.
Check out Wikipedia or any number of interviews (probably) for an actual background on Meyers. The basics? Northwestern, improv, Cast Member, Head Writer and Weekend Update Host (holding the third longest tenure behind Colin Jost and Michael Che) at SNL, Host of Late Night with Seth Meyers (since 2014).
If you are unfamiliar with his comedic style and are willing to do some digging for the perfect capsule of Meyers’ humor, you have three options to view what is, in my unemployed opinion, a spiritual prequel to many beloved LNSM bits…I present to you (a guide to finding and viewing) J’accuzzi.
Go to peacocktv.com, probably make an account or log in, search SNL, scroll down to Season 34, scroll down again to Episode 10 (John Malkovich), skip to the last quarter of the show. If you wind up at Goodnights you’ve gone too far. If you find yourself watching the infamous Digital Short “Jizz in My Pants” featuring a very 2008 Andy Samberg, you haven’t gone far enough.
Just follow this link (time code 46:24 to be exact).
For the technologically challenged or those who refuse to make another account, consider the opening line of the sketch: “John Malkovich, one of greatest actors of stage and screen, is returning to Broadway to reprise one his most famous roles—Vicount SéBastien De Valmont—from the 1988 film Dangerous Liaisons. Except this time, all of the seduction, lust, and deception takes place in a hot tub. Don’t miss John Malkovich in J’accuzzi.
I began watching Late Night with Seth Meyers routinely around 2017 thanks to segments like “A Closer Look” and the rare (but much loved) “Second Chance Theater”. However, my favorite part of the show, and the reason I became a regular viewer (as opposed to watching the show later via YouTube clips), is the way he features his writers. Many have recurring segments highlighting their own comedic voices or are featured in one-off sketches, lending an early Conan-energy to the show that was missing elsewhere on the network-late-night line-up.
Amber Ruffin is a head-writer at LNSM while hosting her own bizarre/lovely/smart critically acclaimed comic-variety show, The Amber Ruffin Show, from the same studio (airing Fridays on Peacock). You might remember John Lutz from Mapleworth Murdersor his iconic run as an eponymous writer at 30 Rock’s “The Girly Show with Tracy Jordan”. Early seasons of LNSM even featured sketches based out of the writers’ room…Pre-pandemic, the writers, as a unit, I assume, had an annual segment called “Popsicle Schtick”. The segment begins as a defense of proposed monologue jokes, deemed “stinkers”, that the writers claimed could be saved by adding “some kick ass graphics”. The segment devolves into different, anti-Meyers, animated sequences, starring anthropomorphized Popsicle sticks. My favorite…which has curiously been removed from YouTube (a pro-Meyers media outlet)…tells the harrowing story of popsicle stick revolutionaries uniting to overthrow the evil (anti-Schtick, pro-A Closer Look) Meyers. There are, of course, traces of “Popsicle Schtick” in the current“Surprise Inspection” and any number of other writer’s bits, namely this gem from 2021.
Current and former writers include Michelle Wolf, who followed in Meyers’ footsteps, hosting the 2018 White House Correspondents Dinner, John Lutz, Amber Ruffin of her own damn show, Alex Baze, Sal Gentile (Mets fan), Jenny Hagel, Mike Scollins, and one of my favorite Twitter users, Karen Chee. The show clearly cares for its staff while helping them grow in their own right. The voices that make up the show became uniquely apparent (~in my stoopid unemployed opinion~) during the pandemic as Meyers began referencing who submitted what monologue jokes and airing homemade sketches. (TW: Earnest) Yes, it was great to see Seth in his attic every night…but it was almost better knowing that the people who dedicated themselves to the show were out there clacking away at things they loved rather than bits that played to the studio audience. The same sentiment, of course, later came to include the crew—Seth’s, Jets loving, surrogate audience for over a year.
Some Pre-Pandemic Bits (for background)
Frisbee v Andy Feud
Andy Samberg and Meyers seem to have been dear friends since long before the standing monologue days, when Samberg joined the SNL cast in 2005. Although we cannot confirm when their relationship developed beyond professional, as of 2022, SNL’s former bad-boy and father figure duo* continue to support each other comedically and emotionally from opposite coasts. Throughout LNSM history, Andy has occupied something of an Amy Sedaris on Letterman role: a real mix between promotion and general chaos/comedy. (I highly suggest utilizing the Command+F feature to surf through the many “Andy” appearances.)
On to the good stuff: The Meyers fam has an Italian Greyhound named Frisbee. Andy Samberg hates Frisbee, telling Seth’s wife, Alexi, “[He] had seen rocks that were cuter”. I assume his hatred extends to all Italian Greyhounds, but I do not speak on behalf of Mr. Samberg. He often slips in jabs about his disdain for the dog, including mailing the Meyers Family holiday card (featuring Frisbee) back. The feud is so niche-community-famous it has at least two fan-cams dedicated to documenting the best moments of the rivalry (see here and HERE PART 2). It should be noted that these videos are slightly validating as this essay(?) is largely based on official LNSM clips that have far less views than the combined 130k garnered by “Andy Samberg hating Frisbee for 4 minutes and 40 seconds straight” Parts 1 and 2.
Mike Shoemaker
We know very little about Mikey the Shoe. As executive producer he seems to sit and criticize (?) a lot. In this political environment you’d think that a man referenced a couple times a week on a late night network show would have at least a Wikipedia page. You’d be wrong. There is a Mike Shoemaker Wikipedia entry for a former Ohio State Representative/Senator. He is a Democrat who opposed school vouchers and created the Department of Aging…irrefutable evidence that democracy’s Shoemaker and the entertainment industry’s Shoemaker are separate individuals and not a pseudo-Hannah Montana situation. Learn about his fabulous career as a producer on entertainment Wikipedia (IMDb), through his NBC Bio, or—as I did—through various off-camera remarks (with varying degrees of malice/tenderness).
For an update on how Mikey the Shoe is doing :)
Wally Feresten
Wally aka Cue Card Wally aka Wally the Cue, unlike the aforementioned off-camera super-stud, has his own Wikipedia page! Also unlike Mikey the Shoe, Wally has really stepped into his role as an LNSM on-camera favorite since returning to the studio, even garnering the attention of Emmy-winning late night host, John Oliver. The details of Wally’s rise to fame below… Pre-pandemic however, audiences knew Wally as 30 Rock’s trusted source for all things cue. Since 1990, SNL, and other 30 Rock-based entertainment, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, LNSM, and The Amber Ruffin Show, have been, and continue to be, performed at the mercy of Cue Card Wally. SNL writer Streeter Seidell notes, “Wally’s referenced a lot…[for] a none camera person, he gets a lot of love.”. Pre-pandemic however, in the Meyers Cinematic Universe, neither Wally nor the crew had anywhere near the screen time they enjoy now …likely because their appearances threatened the ego of the guy who has a show featuring his first and last name as 40% of the title.
*Unfortunately, Meyers and Samberg have since been replaced—and some say outshined—by current SNL bad-boy and father figure, Pete Davidson and Colin Jost, thanks to their relationships with women far more rich and famous.
Popular Writers’ Segments
This section was originally formatted in a beautiful little chart. Unfortunately, it looked b-a-d on Substack and really ruined the flow of the essay. Now, it is safely housed in footnotes1 with the other misfit toys / “un-formatables”. *
*All based on the official Late Night with Seth Meyers YouTube Channel playlist titled, “Seth’s Writers on Meyers”, and nothing else because the LNSM YouTube is really lacking in the archival segment footage department (aka Popsicle Schtick ERASURE) (aka @LNSM hire me please, I’ll make really niche TikTok content or something so I don’t step on anybody’s toes)
The Attic Era: Attic Attack (Phase 1)
March 12, 2020: the last show in studio. Everything is uncertain and scary. Honestly, I don’t even like thinking about those early couple of weeks. So I’m not going to…but here are the basics:
LNSM films from the Meyers family home. We see a couple of test backgrounds including bookshelves in a garage and a living room corner space (?) before landing on the titular location of Phase 1…The Attic. April 15th marks the beginning of Meyers’ long hair era (seen here debuting the segment “Who I Miss” in honor of his longtime stylist Bettie Rogers).
Highlights:
Welcome to the attic crawl space and the glorious era of doing jokes that would not land in front of an audience.
LNSM deals with wasps in the attic where Seth films episodes. At some point or another, the wasp problem is dealt with but Seth admits to going a little crazy and makes his sons wasp costumes.
Seth addresses a copy (and changing numbers of copies) of The Thorn Birds, a 1977 Australian romance novel on his side table. Was he sending secret messages? Or did it just mark the beginning of him reading too many YouTube comments?
06/25/2020: Seth steps through his tiny door portal…thus ending the Attack Era
The SCCU (Phase 2 aka Dawn of the Sea Captain)
July 13, 2020: The day fans realized we were NOT the center of this story. In fact, were never in the MCU at all, we were extras in the SCCU (Sea Captain Cinematic Universe). At his in-laws’ house, Seth entered a new era of not playing to a crowd, giving complete creative control to a talking portrait of a sea captain. Buckle up…or should I say batten down the hatches, future Jackals. It’s about to get…really nautical.
Highlights:
The Thorn Birds is back, wasps are not. Unfortunately, there is a ghost of an old sea captain haunting Seth’s new studio space, soon dubbed “The Captain’s Quarters”.
Ghost Lobster wins with 43.6%. Followed by Estranged Children (33.8%), Fisherman Best Friend (18.4%), and the remaining—made up of largely single issue, anti-SCCU voters—opted for Other (4.3%).
Despite failing to obtain a plurality, “Other” is featured as a talking head…He is a “Brooklyn type duck” named Ira who lives in Prospect Park. Critics of the character argue this was a strategic, albeit transparent, move to position the Sea Captain and Ghost Lobster as more sophisticated bits. Pro-SCCU bias at LNSM becomes clear.
The Sea Captain evolves, demonstrating an understanding of the fourth wall…Probably from watching Seth film, but it is possible he finally got around to watching Fleabag.
Seth announces that there will only be eight more shows in the Captains Quarters.
Ira, the Prospect Park duck, returns in @seacaptainpolls twitter poll, asking, despite previous election results, if there should be “more duck,” “less duck,” or “Other”. “More duck” wins with 61.1%. Although, it should be noted that turn-out was down in every key demographic—reflected in the vote totals: 701 (as compared to the previous 5,921).
In yet another example of pro-SCCU bias via LNSM, viewers are introduced to the “other” option post-election. This time it is a childhood portrait of Alexi from a street-artist. By all accounts, the portrait retains similar Sea Captain powers.
Ghost Lobster seems to have disappeared. Friends and family report that no one has directly spoken with him since TV appearances following his initial victory.
Meyers (Larry) criticizes the Sea Captain for heavily relying on puns, failing to engage in topical, issue-based humor, and for sounding like Will Forte. Meyers admits to a Hader bias, sometimes even leaning Sudeikis.
Anti-SCCUers agree, talks unsuccessful because the Sea Captain seems incapable of accepting push-back, thanks to surrounding himself with yes-men.
The SCCU expands again, this time sans-vote, introducing Steve, the fish that probably has a drug problem. Foreshadowing events in this timeline, democracy appears to be dead in the SCCU.
The SCCU regime, headed by the titular Sea Captain, extends an olive branch in the form of a pseudo-referendum vote of confidence. Pro-SCCUers remember to turn out this time and secure an unprecedented 80.2% of the vote. A few third-party analysts have voiced concern over the wording of ballot measures. However, the day is celebrated as not only a win for the SCCU, but, with over 9,000 votes, a win for democracy.
Callback alert! Hillary Meyers, wife of radical anti-SCCUer Larry Meyers, appears on the show, voicing her more middle of the road take on the SCCU.
Friends and family of Ghost Lobster are relieved, receiving proof of life footage as many began giving up hope. Seth seems to flex some control over the SCCU, preventing multiple inanimate object from releasing origin stories and cross-over adventures.
Quickly, we are reminded of SCCU editorial supremacy when Seth introduces Vicky, a sexy mermaid (with an unsexy voice), as the cast member that would have been introduced if, hypothetically, the previous poll had an “Other” option and won.
Steve the fish is tricked into getting clean, a method proven highly effective among drug-addicted marine life.
Anti-SCCUers outraged that talking nautical knick-knacks received air-time over a hypothetically more-subtle bit where Seth replaced the titles of Avian-centric literature with Thornbird (example: To Kill A Mockingbird → To Kill A Thorn Bird). Bibliophiles and Murakami fans join anti-SCCU faction. It should be noted: most analysts believe it was not escape from the Captain’s Quarters, but Seth’s long hair, that eventually led to bipartisan escape plans.
Other bits that did not make the cut for the SIXTY-EIGHT at home shows:
Talking portrait of Jon Haam
Checking in with Ethan Hawke as he attempts to exterminate the wasps in Seth’s attic (#callback)
Amy Schumer joins as an in person guest
Vicky gets a new (sexy) voice
Steve gets clean
Ira starts a podcast
Ghost Lobster given the representation originally promised…turns out the vote wasn’t for a place in the SCCU, but a contest…winner gets an agent! He is happy to be a part of the Underwater Talent Agency and already scored a role in the action film B Plot as Sea Captain’s complicated nemesis turned first mate.
Sea Captain’s narrative arch presumably ends telling viewers, “I got to participate in a long psychotic bit that would have eaten sh*t in front of a live audience.”.
Viewers and long-time pro-SCCUers are treated to a farewell shanty (or so they thought) sung by the trusty captain:
Da moon is full. Da sea is calm. We’re ready to depart. No way to know the ending, when you’re standing at the start. And for all those lads and lasses waving at the pier, let this be the last song that they this night shall listen toooo. Oh goodbye, goodbye. I’ll see you on the other side. For what goes out comes in again, just like the rising tide. When life is tough and the water’s rough, have a good friend at your side.
[Ira] Goodbye. [Seth]**screams**.
Goodbye, I’ll see you on the other side. Oh this past half year has been severe, on that we all agree. But I’ve no doubt we’ll make it out, if I have ya’ here with me. So batten down the hatches boys and pull your masks up tight. I promise there’ll be morning, if we make it through the night.
[Ghost Lobster] Goodbye. [Steve] Goodbye. [Vicky, **unsexy voice**] See you on the other side.
For what goes out comes in again, just like the rising tide.
[Seth] **blows raspberries**.
It’s not the road I would’ve chose, but I sure enjoyed the ride. Goodbye, goodbye. I’ll see you on the other side. OHHhhH goodbye. GOODbye. I’ll see you on the other side. **winks** Siyde.
[Seth] Stay safe. [Steve] Wash your hands. [Ira] Wear a mask. [ALL] We love you…
BEAT
[Ashe] Daddy it’s time to go.
[Seth] It’s time to go? But Axel, where does that door lead?
[Axel] (mumbling) I don’t know.
[Seth] That’s all I need to know. Let’s go boys
[Axel] Why?
[Seth] Just, we’re gunna go.
[Ashe] (growing more frustrated) No! Not another time.
[Seth] Don’t give away how many times we’ve done this.
The Crew Era (Phase 3)
The Captain’s Quarter disappears into the infinite void of at-home late night quarantine sets. In a multi-versal twist and thanks to sheer commitment to the bit (a dominant trait among many a jackal) the SCCU expands beyond location, enveloping Studio 8G, and, we can assume, our own reality. LNSM does not reckon with this timeline shift until Phase 4. However, in retrospect it is easy to tell because the titular Sea Captain is no longer tied to haunting a physical location or comedic style (puns). Some critics argue Sea Captain is the inspiration for Wanda Maximoff’s character arch.*
September 8, 2020 Seth returns to studio 8G without an audience. Although tensions remain between pro and anti-SCCUers, viewers unite over a shared love of LNSM sans-audience. The crew becomes a stand-in for nightly viewers, chuckling every so often. Jokes remain niche, bits, intricate and pre-established, and most national sports coverage is slashed in favor of Mets, Knicks, and Jets commentary.
The Crew Era (Phase 3) is marked by several new era specific signifiers. Viewers are delighted by the slow re-introduction of in-person guests, writer’s cameos, off camera chuckles, the age of impressions, and asides to Mike Shoemaker (Mikey the Shoe). Join me on this dive through Late Night history…because if CNN can do an entire docu-series on it, I can…write a convoluted essay explaining bits from well over a year ago (?).
Highlights:
The Sea Captain begins reading The Thorn Birds. Seth reveals the ghost smelled like clams and admits to being sick of him and his puns. Most viewers (except a group of radical Sea Captain enthusiasts) relieved to find out Seth’s Stockholm Syndrome was broken and deprogramming would not be necessary.
Although Seth promises an end to talking inanimate objects, viewers notice two clues that the SCCU has expanded into our reality: (1) Segways remain bad despite returning to the studio. (2) The testament to Seth’s onetime husband Stefon, a Russian nesting doll of his blushing bride—which has been a longtime fixture of the LNSM desk collection—delivered the Segway in question.
Seth delivers a brief Rocky impression, an early sign that the age of impressions is on the horizon. Rocky marks the beginning of this unemployed loser’s unofficial impression count.2
Reminder: Seth does a decent Trump. Viewers are treated to the early stages of a future fan favorite, Mike Lindell.
Although many critics agree the official age of impressions does not begin until four impressions per show, the Sep. 10, 2020 A Closer Look debuts another fan favorite: the Andy Samberg impression. (Impression Count: 3)
Viewers are relieved that although Seth returned to studio and would be delivering jokes to a small crew, his references remain obscure, from the 20th century, and largely sci-fi adjacent.
Seth begins…what becomes a roller-coaster relationship with the Graphics Department. Although it is not on display as publicly as in the coming Corrections Era, their love-affair, in this clip, hinges on a sort of joke-graphic-reality equilibrium: the joke and accompanying graphic must represent proper grammar, reality, and anatomically correct animals to avoid the wrath of commenters.
Showcasing another key marker of The Crew Era (Phase 3), Seth makes a Jets/Giants joke. We learn that although the crew is made of Jets fans…the security guards support the Giants.
After a joke about how the original Homer Simpson looks like Walter Matthau, Seth reveals that it is none other than “A Closer Look” supervising writer/producer, Sal Gentile, including late-twentieth century pop culture references to underscore political commentary.
Seth says he owed $750 (the same amount Trump paid in taxes in 2017) to Blockbuster thanks to a copy of The Prince of Tides that he lent to his stoner friend that sold it in a yard sale in 1993.
Although pre-pandemic viewers were sometimes treated to off-camera remarks to Wally/the crew, it becomes a recurring feature during “A Closer Look”, particularly addressing Executive Producer, Mike Shoemaker (as seen here).
LNSM buys a raccoon puppet in solidarity with the journalists dealing with raccoon infestation at the White House (this is done in Primetime btw)
Seth compares volatile hiring/firing practices at Fox to the NY Jets.
Compares Mark Meadows pouring over 60 Minutes tapes to the NY Jets defensive coordinator after a blowout: “We forgot to tackle. And what was he holding? What? No. Not a pointy brown egg. A football. Love to not go through this every week.”
(Shoemaker does not like Borat. Seth claims he does like Borat impressions though)
Seth debuts his Paul Giamadi as John Adams impression…a landmark in early impression era impressions. During the same segment, Seth repeats the impression, insinuating Adams would be disappointed given the state of SCOTUS.
Mike Scollins, a LNSM writer, wore a tank top in a Zoom meeting. Why? We don’t know. Seth shares this with his audience. Although Scollins stands by the tank top, he did not like the joke.
In the first show after the election was called for Joe Biden, Seth remarks, “It’s nice to get Quade from The Rookie after four years of Quade from Total Recall. I know in one case it’s the actors name and the other’s the character’s name, but the joke is for Andy Samberg and I’m pretty sure he’s going to like it just fine.
After reports that there might be a vaccine on the horizon, Seth says that he’s been showing up to his local CVS wearing a tank top, “looking like Late Night writer Mike Scollins.” He confirmed that much like the pandemic, the tank top burn will have multiple waves.
Seth credits Sal Gentile for this specific Scollins burn, noting that Gentile was not even in the original Zoom meeting where Scollins wore the garment. He speaks to Scollins through the camera, “That’s how ridiculous you look Mike…he heard it second hand!”. Gentile wrote the piece save a tangential joke about Thanksgiving in July that Seth added, switching fireworks for “fireturks”. Gentile wanted to stress that “fireturks” was Seth’s NOT his.
Same segment: Seth details his Google search antics to figure out how Trump was defacing democracy in Wayne County, Michigan. He closes remarking, “The point is this stupid coup is taking a long f*cking time!”
LNSM nicknames Trump and Giuliani (and later Mike Lindell) The Kooky Cuckoo Coup Crew
Between when the deranged reality show host left office and when audiences came back to LNSM, there was a lot of room for callbacks and impressions. During the early days of The Kooky Cuckoo Coup Crew however, this comparison of what five months feels like was especially affective.
It should be noted that at this point in the recap process, Meyers has performed 24 different impressions. The list will be included in the Appendix. (now footnote 2)
Seth does an impression of Andy Samberg as a kid who wants Trump for their oral report, “I want the guy who knew Grimace!”
Introducing Seth’s Bane impression! Shoemaker, apparently, won’t help Seth iron out the kinks of Bane…too busy Executive Producing probably.
It’s the New Year! What will the Late Night hosts do once Trump leaves office?! This question…kind of…made sense on January 4, 2021. The Kooky Cuckoo Coup Crew has new members and is up to their old tricks.
Author’s Note: I’m a big fan off Late Night with Seth Meyers. I am a big fan of the tradition of late night television in general. Hosts get stuff wrong a lot. It’s late night television—not hard hitting news. With that in mind, on January 5, 2021, Seth Meyers ate it. And ate it hard: “On Monday night [Jan 4] Trump held, what will very likely be his last rally of President of the United States. And man, it feels good to say that. I feel like Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. Do you guys remember that?”.
More Bane
Werner Herzog film commentary and impression. Keep note of this one. It keeps coming back. Seth also refers to Mike Lindell, but only as the Founder of MyPillow. At this point in 2021, I assume he did not feel a sufficient enough relationship to the character to develop a take on it.
On Trump’s last day in office, Seth treats viewers to his Jimmy Carter impression (Impression Count: 29). Shrugging off the success of Carter, he jumps into a closing piece on Mike Lindell that doesn’t yet have a real perspective.
*Because, power wise, he went from messing with Seth’s head to shifting reality and such. Some go so far as predicting a Sea Captain cameo in the much anticipated Dr. Strange: Multiverse of Madness.
**A note from the author during her writing process: It is Dec. 12, 2021 at 6:50 PM. I have officially spent 21 hours working on this project. I am 12 pages and 57/200 “A Closer Look”-s in…and that doesn’t include Twitter, guests, or ACTUAL CORRECTIONS. I just realized I have over a year’s worth of content to cover and I am kind of spiraling. Who will ever read this? I only have 211 followers on Twitter. Even if I tweeted it—I don’t have a website to publish on, except for my ~bad~ portfolio. Can you tweet a PDF?...also I love Keke Palmer but if I see her Old Navy ad one more time I’m going to lose it. (March 21st Update: After a failed attempt at publishing via Google Docs, I am trying my hand at Substack. Also, since December I have apparently lost seven Twitter followers. )
The Crew Era 2: Wally’s World (Phase 4)
After a closed-door meeting with Mad Men style executives (me), what was originally Phase 3, became Phases 3 and 4 (Phase 3: The S4quel). Why?Answer:Dune…For everything to make sense there was simply too much world building…too much to establish for all of LNSM’s carefully created arcs to have the emotional pay off they deserve…for one phase.
Producers (my blood sugar and will to keep writing) decided to engineer the split around the 2021 Inauguration because, although most things stayed really really bad, no one was trying to declare Martial Law anymore. Production is using the sequel to highlight how LNSM navigated the closing weeks of the “Jokes Must Just Write Themselves” conundrum and the “What are You Going to Do After Trump” paradox. It was through their sheer dedication to bits, accent accuracy, and pandering to the crew that LNSM was able to really weed out the weenies and perfect the online engagement ratio of bananas fans (I accidently intimately tied my well-being to this show’s performance, comedic development, and continued success) to casual (people who don’t care if a joke is 100% accurate) viewers. Too many of either spells danger. Not enough, certain death. Luckily for Seth, once you get the international linguistics community on your side—you are really set for life. Our unlikely hero, Cue Card Wally distinguishes himself from the crew, establishing a reputation as a comedian in his own right. He is written into monologues, frequently referenced, and makes a guest appearance. Most importantly, Phase 4 content is introspective, looking back on the bits that started it all...secret doors, Sea Captains, and enough emotional chaos to vomit your crazy into a project—it is more than likely—no one will see.
Highlights
A Closer Look opens with smooth jazz rather than the BABADABADA DUM viewers have come to associate with the segment. No more deranged former Twitter user means more room for Wally content…as the name implies, this is truly Wally’s World.
Queue prop comedy (and dated CSI references): “Well if erection is the charge, we certainly don’t want them to…beat it” **Seth puts on aviators and smiles (to himself) as crew members chuckle** “And they said we would run out of material!”.
IMPORTANT: The first on-air correction. Parisian viewers made note that, yes, Paris has an incline (called funicular). Seth makes note of this then says he would also like to retract calling Ted Cruz a jagoff. But, in the second case, he only retracts so that he can look at the graphic of Ted Cruz and call him a jagoff for the first time, again.
Return of Seth’s “Questioning Tucker Carlson” impression. AND…A first attempt at a Mike Lindell impression…although this iteration is particularly pointed at the “Founder of MyPillow” side of the mustached former sleep pseudo-scientist, NOT the “carrying a notebook out of the Oval Office that says, ‘Martial Law?’” side, that has come to reign supreme on LNSM.
“If that’s the charge, I hope he doesn’t…get off” **puts sunglasses on** “LOOK GUYSSS, we’re gunna do it every time someone does a Freudian slip. Because the FIRST rule of late night is, when you flips, I quips”…That is not the only Horatio Caine one liner of the segment.
“Oh. My. Pillow.” Thanks to Lindell’s moderate resemblance to fabulously midwestern men of The Super Fans, Seth begins to combine Lindell impressions with the famed catchphrase, “Daaa Bears”.
If Corden can sing in his Range Rover while it is being towed by a truck with literally every celebrity ever, Late Night’s budget should include funds for more music royalties (specifically K-Fed’s 2006 single, Popozao). Maybe if NBC sprung for more than one Popo, Seth, and more importantly, his staff and crew would be Emmy winners.
Harry and the Hendersons reference
Two early iterations of now divine bits: Mike Lindell impression (leaning more and more midwestern) and, in a reference to the brick-like nature of MyPillow, the first of many cicada related tangents.
Iconic moment: Seth wears a flannel with more than just blue on it (I spy something red…and blue).
Mad Max Cinematic Universe Tangent: the flaming guitar guy’s name is Doof Warior (?).
Seth performs a scene from A Street Car Named De-Liar, a la Lindsey Graham. Rumors about longtime anti-SCCU activist, Larry Meyers, confirmed: he still hates the Sea Captain despite recent shifts towards non-SCCU character arcs. Brief Sea Captain cameo includes a message from Andy: “Frisbee sucks.”.
Other Multi-Episode Pandemic Bits That Would Flop for an Audience, But Weren’t Part of the Nearly 200 ‘A Closer Look’-s I Watched To Outline the Show
Although many a YouTube commenter takes issue with the facts and figures of “A Closer Look” the true fans—future jackals—aren’t here for the news…I assume most start their day with Michael Barbaro. They donate to NPR and either own a lot of craft supplies or are at least a little into fantasy roll-playing-games (probably D&D or MTG). The true fans are here for the weird stuff. The obscure comparison, the New York based and biased references, the anti-“National Day Of”-riff. As mentioned at the beginning…the true LNSM fan (often Jackal) is too self-aware to join a cult/MLM, but yearns for a sense of community…to be part of something bigger than themselves (and likely, craves more than a little negging from a white guy in some version of a blue shirt). So here is a (not-at-all-conclusive) list of oddities excluded by the previous eras of highlights:
Tiny Secret Whispers
Tiny Secret Whispers, the prestige TV drama Seth cannot get enough of!!…especially now that the Trump era is over and the “jokes [don’t] just write themselves” anymore. To remain topical, Seth delivers recaps to off-camera entertainment man of mystery, Mikey the Shoe.
First mentioned March 10, 2021: TSW is “available to stream” here and bears a striking resemblance to dark prestige-y shows a la HBO’s Sunday night line-up (Mare of Eastown and other sepia toned female-centric mysteries)
Streaming on *international media conglomerate*’s platform, “Butternut”. Butternut specializes in American shows featuring solely non-American actors.
There are twins involved in a murder, one of them is arrested, and their parents (Packer and Liese) have a fraught relationship…he’s an architect, she used to be a ballerina but now she’s a life coach…he was friends with the case’s lead detective (Detective Delgado) in high school according to a yearbook his wife found, she’s a grade-A investigative actor and frantic bookcase-looker
Packer is played by Australian actor Joel Edgerton (soft g pronunciation), not to be confused with the Australian actor, Joel EdGerton(hard G pronunciation)
Flashback episode reveals Liese and her friend Adabelle were former members of the Babysitter’s Detective Agency. Seth has notes for TSW’s use of flashback. However, Liese and Adabelle think it is Liese’s husband, Packer who committed the murder, not one of the twins (Chote is free but living a double life to protect Phillip, the jailed twin, from becoming a social pariah)
Bottle Episode! Weird because Butternut has a lot of money for New York based advertisements, but apparently not enough for content/location budgets?! Adabelle and Packer are on a date. Packer reveals he was with Adabelle at the time of the murder, but she won’t admit it. They are having an affair! And! The steak-house waiter can’t read a room! Surprise, some kid is livestreaming the interaction! Chote reveals a smart-phone to his scarf-clad mother while at their beach house. Cliff-hanger. **Gasp**
Seth begins to hawk Butternut content: Mine Your Own Business. He announces Butternut has rebranded to Bytternyt (the Us are now Ys).
TSW was off the week of April 22nd, in lieu of telling their growing fanbase (not bigger than Yellowstone’s), Bytternyt opted to air an hour of black screen followed by a message saying that TSW would return next week.
Good news: Packer’s not the killer. Bad news: Liese’s best friend, Adabelle, is having an affair with her husband, Packer. Liese and Packer talk out their relationship. Liese then confronts Packer about relationship with Det. Delgado (from yearbook). Packer says the yearbook must be a deep fake. Chote comes home from yearbook club. Another cliff-hanger.
Seth clears the Edgerton v EdGerton confusion. He then clarifies that the director is neither of the Australian actors but Joe Ledgerton.
Summary time! Chote is on trial now? Detective Delgado is on the stand and is apparently deaf thanks to his role in the murder investigation(?) Twist! He hears Liese call him an a-hole from the gallery.
Mistrial!
Chote is free.
Liese walks her son out of the court house. He nudges her saying, “Hey, mom that was really smart. How’d you know how to do that?”. She looks at him then off to the distance, “I guess all we needed was a” she turns, smirking directly into the camera, “tiny secret whisper”. Freeze frame. Credits roll over her 4th wall breaking smirk. Very post-Wandavision.
Seth campaigns for TSW: Best Limited Series, Best Lead Actor in a Limited Series- Joel Edgerton, Best Director- Joe LedGerton, Best Lead Actress in a Limited Series- that British lady who is in everything.
Cicada, Cicada
Cicada, Cicada, Seth’s official foray onto the Great White Way. What do we know about the official plot, timeline, or production of the era specific musical? Barely a thing. Thanks to his connections however, Meyers, white, sans-lived cicada experience, and a playwright with NO BROADWAY EXPERIENCE,* already has big names and big buck$ attached to the project. Although he makes plenty of references to the writing and plot development of Cicada, Cicada over the course of monologues and riffs with guests, I can’t plot out the musical’s whole timeline (@LNSM hire me and I’ll do it. I’ll curate the best YouTube playlist @LateNightWithSethMeyers has ever seen!!)
The Plot: Christine Baranski (soft yes) plays a Broadway loving cicada who moves to the Big Apple during the pandemic (unaware of her predestined demise). Harvey Fierstein (hard yes) plays a “New York Mets loving” cockroach who lives in Broadway legend Nathan Lane’s (hard yes) apartment. The bugs are fast friends. The New York cockroach—tragically aware of the cicada’s fate and the pandemic’s toll on in person theatre—offers to move out of Lane’s apartment in exchange for his putting on a one man show, fulfilling the cicada’s dreams.
Also a lot of the Mets (unconfirmed) will be in it? They (as individuals and as a team) will get better as the play goes on
At some point the cockroach must make a choice…see the Mets or see Nathan Lane’s one man show with the cicada who does not know her days are numbered (17). He goes to the show and when he leaps up to give a standing ovation…the cicada is dead. The show takes place over the entire 17 day life of the cicada. Tragic.
It should be noted that discussions of finer plot details have varied. As seen here. Although the characters seem set in stone, we cannot confirm which plot is cannon as this publication** was denied media passes for previews. A June 7, 2021 report states that Fierstein-Cockroach asks Nathan Lane (as Nathan Lane) to put on a show with all his Broadway friends (despite period appropriate Covid regulations, we assume) rather than a one-man show. This report also details that only after Baranski-Cicada and Fierstein-Cockroach experience the magic of Broadway and Baranski-Cicada dies, Fierstein-Cockroach interacts with the Mets, going to a game by himself and cryng, for the first time in his life, “not because of the death of his friend, but because the Mets blow a four run lead in the ninth”. The finale in this version is a “torch song” called “Where Have You Gone, John Franco” rather than the other reported finale, the silent in-theatre death of the titular cicada.
Seth reveals one lyric he wrote rhymes “Jesse Rosco” with “arm from a Costco”
Fierstein-Cockroach has power ballad complaining about the smoking ban called “My Titanic Hit a Bloomberg”
TWIST: The title song, “Cicada, Cicada” isn’t about the bugs, their friendship, or the end of Act II subject change (bugs to Mets), it is sung “by Cuban American John Secada, and how sometimes people say his name wrong.”
As of September 6, 2022, Baranski reported the characters and script still needs a lot of work; although she expects big “out of town” (derogatory) ticket sales.
*I did “the math.” Although there was a Company themed episode in Season “53” of Documentary Now, it doesn’t count as Broadway experience. Theatre-themed Emmy eligible work ≠ Broadway experience.
**my twitter account (?) so, basically just me :P
The Corrections Era (Phase 5)
“Anybody who’s watching this right now online and they’re going to write…they’re comments are going to be like, ‘Uhh, I can’t believe this was on TV.’ It’s fucking not. It’s only for YouTube. Just looks like it’s on TV cause we’re paying TV money to make it.” -Seth Meyers, CORRECTIONS: Week of Monday March 8
The first ever episode of Corrections was posted to YouTube by the official Late Night with Seth Meyers YouTube Channel on March 5, 2021, addressing his mispronunciation of the character “Babbar” and a mistranslation of the German word “cliffhanger”. He goes on to say, “But again, I also want to point out that, you know, when I make mistakes and you guys call them out and then I take time on the show to correct them, that doesn’t mean you should keep pointing them out…I mean if you want to that’s fine. That’s your prergovative [sic]. But we’re just trying to do our best here.”. This statement was many a Jackal’s villain origin story…and thus was born the weekly (posted Friday mornings), EMMY NOMINATED, segment, Corrections.
As of March 16, 2022, there are almost NINE HOURS (8:56ish..that’s 536 minutes and ten seconds*) of Corrections. Below, I have done my best to disregard everything I have learned from McSweeney’s to E.B. White… So that you, questioning Jackal, do not have to consume—what amounts to—nearly three consecutive viewings of Avengers: Endgame worth of Emmy-losing (not even on TV) content. Click here to view highlights of the highlights in graph form…the corrections, “fun facts,” and explanations that have made up the last year.
*I’ve never claimed to have a strong grasp on math, numbers, units, or showing my work. also clock math is hard.
Jackals
Jackal culture is an extension of the long and oft overlooked tradition of YouTube commenters and trolls. You might even say Jackals descend from the Elizabethan theatre tradition of groundlings throwing tomatoes dried figs and oyster shells at the stage. This particular evolution of heckler however, leverages words, pronunciations, joke anatomy and misused phrases more than rotten foods. I use the term Jackal liberally throughout my run down of Corrections, but Meyers begins using the phrase around week eight or nine of Corrections, debuting it officially on desk mugs and used as an affectionate slur the Week of June 7, 2021. Jackals are everybody and nobody. They are everywhere and nowhere, have an anecdote for everything, and seldom lay down their weapons. Jackals are a quarter of Corrections…the most important quarter after The Crew and Amber’s Laugh, trailed by Meyers himself.
Highlights
Week of 3/8 Message: "This area has been cleaned & disinfected" [Run Time: 2:58]
Criminy, Kabul, pundi(n)ts, Phil Gates
Mikey the Shoe (MTS) contributes to mispronunciation issues
Alex Baze wrote a bad joke about it
Week of 3/15 Message: “This area has been cleaned & disinfected” [Run Time: 6:04]
Seth corrects multiple corrections from the previous week
Throws America’s sweetheart, Amber Ruffin, under the bus for some misplaced New Zealand humor
Seth begs YouTube commenters, “if it’s an either/or…let it go.”
Informs people who make nitpicky corrections that:
This bit is self-indulgent and not worth it.
This segment is the last thing Seth and the crew do before going home.
Amber replies: “Seth, this segment is not good for you. You have to stop doing this.”
Week of 3/22 Message: “This area has been cleaned & disinfected” [Run Time: 6:23]
Irish Prime Minister = Taoiseach. Seth does not trust his ability to pronounce it correctly, saying he will probably just keep saying Prime Minister of Ireland.
Issues with joke-graphic continuity (Camaro vs. Pontiac Trans-Am)
MORE issues with joke-photo continuity (this time in reference to Nick Cage vs. Nick Coppola)
Corrections BASED on previous Corrections
Lots of Hobbit/Lord of the Rings humor…idk I’m not a NERD
Seth’s plea of the week, “I’m just saying guys, like I know everything you nit-pick I then make time for…and draw attention to it…in a way almost rewarding you. But you gotta stop. Cause I can’t.”
Week of 4/12 Message: “This area has been cleaned & disinfected” [Run Time: 7:15]
Vocabulary choices/pronunciations…jackals exhibit poor understanding of homonyms
Corrections of corrections of corrections regarding Irish political institutions
Seth unpacks the surprising love triangle between Benjamin Franklin, his non-wife Debra, and her runaway groom, Luke Skywalker
LOTR corrections
Week of 4/19 Message: “This area has been cleaned & disinfected”[Run Time: 10:13]
Debra and Candace are both names that have been around since the Bible but Candace means queen, similar to title Pharaoh. This, of course, explains the popular Biblical phrase, “Yas, Candace!”
Corrections made regarding members of the band Journey
Jackals actually exhibit a poor understanding of polysemic words, not homonyms
Joke-graphic continuity issues, Seth must consult MTS for an appropriate slur (philistine) to hurl at jackals who don’t know about wine.
Philistine ALSO from the Bible! The term refers to Phillis Stein, an Israelite, who was hostile to the arts. She did not care for museums or nice wine often saying, “Who am I, the Candace of Sheba?!!”.
Her husband, Irving Stein, did very little to try and endear his wife to the arts.
Phillis Stein (philistine) is someone hostile or indifferent to the arts
Irving Stein (irvinstine) is someone hostile or indifferent to a philistine.
2nd week of Pogs jokes (no idea about this, I was born in ‘98)
Seth’s plea, “No one in my life thinks it’s good I’m doing this.”. He reiterates that Corrections is a DIGITAL EXCLUSIVE
Week of 4/26 Message: “This area has been cleaned & disinfected” [Run Time: 11:40]
Digital Exclusive is not a fancy word for ‘Not good enough for TV’, it’s fancy word-ssssssss
Seth corrects jackals, mostly just talking through his jokes…since UCB closed in NY, I guess this is how we’re supposed to learn comedy(?)
Mike Shoemaker aside (Mikey Shoemaker from the Bronx): regarding the likelihood that he was or was not present at Studio 54. Seth rounds out this thought exercise with an impression and confirmation that it is Shoemaker who keeps himself off camera, not Seth’s ego.
Geographic joke-continuity issues devolve into a rousing discussion of corporations, parent companies, and Lego (Lego bricks NOT Legos)
Seth subtly jabs, the typically late-night-host loving brand, “Ben & Jerry’s” asking, “Did you hear we’re getting our own Ben & Jerry’s flavor?...neither did…Neither. Did. I…Feels like it should’ve happened.”
Claims he doesn’t have a flavor because he’s from New Hampshire and B&J’s is, of course, a Vermont company. He continues, speculating they would sooner make “Kim Jung Chill” than an LNSM themed flavor…presumably… “A Closer Lick”.
Seth corrects “A Closer Lick” because it sounds like a B&J’s flavor that someone would carry in their trench coat. This, OF COURSE, is a reference to the fairly held assumption that men—typically late to middle aged, always white—wearing trench coats do so not in reaction to the fluctuations of springtime weather, but as a means to flash their—sometimes erect, but most often flaccid—penis at unsuspecting (although the trench coat usually gives it away) individuals.
Vince Vaughn vs. Jeff Goldblum impression CLARIFICATIONS (Goldblum is “up here”, “buddy, buddy, buddy,” is “down here”)
Seth defends his use of an Irish accent for the character of Icelandic troll
also…Irish trolls more likely to say, “Digital Exclusive is two words”.
Week of 5/3 Message: “This area has been covered in germs” [Run Time: 9:59]
Pronunciation wars between American and European/Australian jackals
Alleged effort to keep the segment under ten minutes after comments from Mikey the Shoe…resulting in more vague Shoemaker impressions
B&J’s discourse continues…Seth pitches “Late Night with Seth Breyers”
There is an Irish gnome troll, but he works in Iceland. Does he need an Icelandic Visa? The exercise in immigration law continues. The issue is further complicated by Brexit, especially because in this thought experiment we do not know whether the Irish gnome, troll, or fairy is from the Republic of Ireland (EU) or Northern Ireland (UK). Further research likely required into Catholic-Elvish relations (probably not great) and British colonialism of Elvish territories (probably worse). The fantastical geopolitical crisis continues…
Fox be damned, LNSM is the place to find real cancel culture debates (i.e. Prince Charming and necrophilia)
Jackals make grammatical corrections on Seth’s revelations about a childhood defined by his mother, a French teacher, and his, apparently absentee, English teacher.
Week of 5/10 Message: “This Desk is Vaccinated” [Run Time: 11:38]
Issue with Joke-Graphic-Reality equilibrium: Jackals take issue with a joke about a cockroach smoking a Marlboro Light because the graphic not only did not depict a realistic Marlboro, cockroaches, apparently, don’t breathe out of their mouth, but holes on their belly(?)…so the cigarette should be inhaled at one of the belly holes(?).
A Spelling Error correction brings out a scary Seth-puppet master voice (?)
Jackals add insult to (previous) injury…see Week of 5/3, subsection English teacher, subsection lack of. (keyword: Hilary Meyers)
More on Prince Charming (kissed a dead 14 year old)
Mike-“The Taskmaster”-Shoemaker: Seth reveals more about the New York-based man of mystery: he knows what’s what in the twentieth century true crime department but does not foster a love of law enforcement.
Mistake vs. Liberty discourse devolves into small jabs at Jackals
Puppet Master (see Week of 5/10) is actually “Taskmaster” which is different from “Werner Herzog”
Cockroach smoking a cigarette discourse rolls over into alligator smoking a vape pen discourse…Joke-Graphic-Reality be damned…LNSM showed a crocodile smoking a vape pen. Seth claims that alligators are typically not receptive to his style of jokes.
Seth corrects jackals…it is “Pleaded guilty” not “Pled guilty” even though pled sounds better. In regards to further discourse he said, “YOU’RE WRONG, YOU’RE WRONG, YOU’RE WRONG!”
Vocabulary misunderstanding forces Seth to stop saying some thing or event is the “definition of” something else, replacing it with “the epitome of”. Example: To call that out is the epitome of pedantic.
Shoemaker apparently often says, “I’m not afraid of nobody.” which is a double negative. Seth recounts giving Mikey the Shoe this correction. Turns out MTS (Mikey the Shoe) IS scared of everyone. After confiding in his long-time colleague, MTS asked for a hug. Seth initiated the gesture of affection until he recieved a swift knee to the balls. While writhing in pain MTS asked, “Did I get both of them?”. Seth responded, “Uh YA!”. To which MTS said, “That’s what I call a double negative!”.
Week of 5/24 Message: “This Segment is a Cry for Help” [Run Time: 12:45]
Seth addresses frequent title card changes (“Online Inclusive”). He justifies this by saying Corrections is very inclusive because “all you need is an internet connection and a total lack of boundaries”
“Definition of” Discourse continues: his former correction statement was corrected to the grammatically correct “epitome of pedantry (noun)”.
Verb-Joke agreement issue
smoking : cigarette :: vaping : vape pen
Canadian jackals are polite when they jackal
Seth’s Werner Herzog (existential) IS NOT his Christoph Waltz (enthusiastic) which is also not his John Malkovich (which is “up here”)
Seth’s Celebrity Story Tangent: (Tangent within my Stoopid Lil Corrections Essay! The Seth Meyers sketch referenced—and laboriously located via Peacock—on page three of this document, J’accuzzi, was from the same show as The Lost Work of Judy Bloom, the sketch providing Malkovich with the comfortable pink turtle neck and overalls that the celebrated actor wore all day…to Seth’s delight…I connected both of our tangents! :P )
80085 Correction: 80085 on an old calculator…when turned upside down…titillating!
Mikey the Shoe (Seth’s Version) vs. Tony the Fouch (Seth’s Version)
More 80085 Discourse: can’t forget 5,318,008 **flip** = boobies!
Werner Herzog impression no longer critiqued for proximity to Christoph Waltz or John Malkovich, but for incorrectly asserting that animal noises are trans-linguistic.
Name Pronunciation error
Spelling Discourse: Junky (William S. Burrows and Donald Trump) vs. Junkie (everybody else)
Cicada, Cicada is allegedly a finished piece of art. This is, of course, brought up in relation to the onslaught of cicada related news during the Summer of ’21.
Seth’s friend Peter Grosz is in the audience. He played the Hamburgler(?)
Seth detects malice behind the following comment: “He bro, what’s up with the tan? You have the same taint as Donald Trump.” Seth thinks the commenter meant “tint” and it had been bugging him for months.
Impression Discourse (Fight!): Seth gives in and admits his Christoph Waltz isn’t great…goes off on MTS tangent outlined below
Christoph Waltz’ reveal in Inglourious Basterds was taintamount [sic] (callback) to Seth’s brief appearance in Journey to the Center of the Earth: 3D (2008)
DESPITE only taking part in surface-of-the-Earth plot, Seth’s character was included in a collection of trading cards, also 3D
Someone outside of SNL asked Seth to sign his Journey to the Center of the Earth: 3D trading card
Seth only signed one card…ONE Seth Meyers autographed Journey to the Center of the Earth: 3D trading card was listed for sale on eBay
Assuming the autographed Seth Meyers trading card was not a forgery, MTS bought the trading card Seth signed outside of SNL and hung it on his wall
Why? Because **in Seth’s MTS voice** “Maybe I’m proud of you…might not have been the best movie, but you were in it…on the big screen…in 3D. SO it was worth every penny I paid for it, to have it up on my wall. SIKE! Seth was almost fooled, but MTS said eBay basically paid him to take it off their hands. The frenemies continue… One with a lot of screen time and one without a Wikipedia page. One with an arsenal of half-baked impressions, the other, one who hates Borat (?). Both have one Emmy. Who will prevail? That’s what keeps ‘ya coming back.
Week of 6/14 Message: “For your consideration in the category “Outstanding Short Form Comedy, Drama, or Variety Series” [Run Time 18:30] Mug: **image of a jackal**
Gig vs. Jig
Discussion of Swiss political institutions
Finish elven creatures return…we cannot confirm if it is the same gnome from previous debates regarding European Fantasy Creature Immigration
Beeping vs. Bleeping curse words
Sal Gentile, Mets fan, doesn’t know fancy coffee.
Seth called Wedding Crashers 2 in 2011 at the White House Correspondents Dinner
Animal Noises in different languages, specifically German, specifically the noise that chickens make, returns. Seth pitches a WWII film where eleven American hens and one American rooster, called The Dirty Dozen, are smuggled into a German camp (a farm) and must steal their secrets. The movie is their journey across enemy lines. They fool the border guards and are almost back to safety but the sun comes out. The rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo instead of the German kikiriki. The hens make it to an allied hill top and watch the rooster wink at them before he is beheaded and runs around for like five minutes.
Alex Baze f***ed up. He never f***s up. MTS is pissed Meyers tried to correct Baze. Meyers jokes about firing MTS and he does not take it well. He tries to console MTS, telling his long-time producer, “of course you could do something else. You could do anything you want to do. What is it you’ve always wanted to do?”. MTS looks at his pal Seth. SIKE! MTS says, “Your motha!”.
Seth realizes Corrections is Emmy eligible but says he is not the type to campaign. He says he’s happy with his single Emmy…but two would be nice for like book ends…
Week of 6/21 Message: “Perfect is the enemy of happy.” [Run Time 16:21] Mug(s): (left to right) **Image of a Jackal on a computer, presumably using their paws to attack flaws** “Jackal Paws/ Attack Flaws”
First mentions of a comedic reeducation camp, unconfirmed if it is late night host specific
International Jackals continue to wreak havoc
A new Jackal faction emerges…intermediate drummers/step dads (?)
None of the three jabs Seth lobbed against Sal Gentile, Mets fan, hold up to jackal scrutiny…a hat trick of sorts
Impression discourse
Seth is a Steven Segal apologist… “[he’s] not out for justice”
A Dirty Dozen Update: German viewers point out that in Germany eggs are sold in tens, not dozens, really throwing a wrench in the WWII chicken spy dramedy(?). ALSO roosters can’t wink thanks the anatomy of their eyes…rendering Seth’s dramatic finale a pipe dream. He reimagines the scene by adding a German walrus captain, Christoph Waltrus, who, while threatening the escaped hens following the execution of the rooster, is beheaded by the body of the rooster, running around ~carrying an axe~ with his head chopped off. The movie will be targeted towards children.
Civil war erupts amongst jackals. They begin correcting corrections before they officially become corrections.
MTS update: MTS is a bad gift giver (according to Seth). Seth recounts how one year for Christmas he got MTS a beautiful gold goblet and MTS gave him a pair of ratty fingerless gloves. MTS asked Seth if he liked the gift to which Seth replied, “No, I don’t like them at all…I just don’t like fingerless gloves.”. To this MTS replied, “Well I got you a couple of fingers too!” as he flipped Seth off on both hands
Week of 7/12 Message: “Release the Kraken.” [Run Time 15:40] Mug:**image of two jackal paws**
Corrections is Emmy nominated babbbyyyyyy
“Outstanding Short Form Comedy, Drama, or Variety Series” “which…it feels like we tik all of those boxes” -Seth Meyers
Seth points out the disparity between verbal flubs and graphic flubs. Where in the first case he sometimes gets away with it, there no room for error in regards to the latter. All of this, of course, thanks to DOB discrepancies on a cockroach’s driver’s license. (Later, a cicada’s DL)
Seth’s Drive Thru Appendectomy: Jackals take issue with the location of the incision and that Seth should be wearing a mask. (see image below)
His Emmy nom also garners him a prop budget (one single prop)
Seth celebrates 20 years at 30 Rock and thus, 20 years with MTS
Seth recounts the anniversary dinner he shared with MTS (sans MTS voice in alignment with the drama portion of their Emmy category). The two longtime 30 Rockers went to a fancy dinner at a restaurant called 11 Madison Park. MTS asked Seth, “Why do you think I wanted to go to 11 Madison Park?”. Once Seth didn’t get the right answer, MTS responded:
You feed a chicken, chicken feed, not chicken seed
Icelandic pronunciation discourse keeps going
Jackal corrections turning more into a way for Seth to insult his dedicated viewers.
Star Trek mistakes
Jackals v. Lorde stans
Shark anatomy and drug addiction discourse: Regarding a toothless shark addicted to crystal meth, jackals point out that sharks’ teeth regenerate…so they would just grow back. Seth uses this time to remind viewers that teeth are not an accurate way to tell if your shark friend is actually clean
Seth quells rumors (from his beloved comments) that an intern is responsible for screening through comments for corrections. He promises, it’s him.
Seth’s Drive Thru Appendectomy (Week 2): Graphic does not depict the right incision location AND has Seth driving the wrong way through a drive thru. This is the straw that broke the camel’s back in regards to Seth’s relationship with the graphics department. When he confronted them about it, he found they did it on purpose. They, as a department, are really into negging.
Jackal discourse surrounding the LNSM prop budget focusses on an Employee ID (the singular prop) featuring the wrong media conglomerate title AND how badly Seth needs a manicure, as his fingers were featured during a close up of the mock ID. He blames Corrections for his nail-biting habit, because “[he] use to feel good about [himself] and what [he] did”.
MTS allegedly pointed out Seth’s hang nails while Seth was working on the first Corrections, specifically pointing to the Legos vs. Lego bricks conundrum. Seth imagines holding an Emmy with beautiful hands and promises to try and kick the habit.
Week of 8/9 Message: “LORDE IS BAD AT PAINTING.” [Run Time 12:08] Mug: Jackeé
Seth did Fresh Air in person. He’s also really humble about it.
Selected dialogue of the week:
Jackal: “What gringa on your staff thought [the song “Gasolina”] was by Pitbull”
Meyers: “Se llama Alex Baze”
Meyers: “El es un hombre grande no joven”
Baze was referring to the “Gasolina” remix featuring Pitbull. He loves remixes of songs, not of his jokes.
The war on graphic continues, this time regarding proper flute positioning…apparently they are only held to the right.
Driving the wrong way through a drive thru (based on arrow)
(New) Q: Why does Seth have a guitar? A: Graphics Team likes to get in trouble (see Week of 7/19, keyword: negging)
Seth jokes that if Trump asked Giuliani to set something up at the Waldorf Astoria he would go to the Walmart in Astoria, knowing there was no Walmart in Astoria. He knew he was choosing comedy over reality.
The Grand Knitting Nightmare (BEGINS): Seth substitutes crochet for knitting. The knitting community is aghast. Soon, the entire yarn-based craft community feels stereotyped, shunned, and silenced by LNSM.
Jackal merch not available in stores because NBCUniversal, the multinational media conglomerate, HATES MONEY.
First official mention of mugs comes thanks to a correction: The jackal paws featured on top of a keyboard are not anatomically correct. LNSM (Graphic Department) has been using a the image of one front jackal paw and one hind jackal paw. One concerned Jackal points out, “that’s not how a jackal would type”. The image LNSM featured implies that the jackal is lying on their side typing.
In a staggering show of humility and pro-democratic tendencies (see early days of @secaptainpolls), Seth admits to using the @seacaptainpolls Twitter account to gerrymander a pro-Meyers (anti-Lorde) election. Realizing his brain was being slowly taken over by his Giuliani impression, Meyers apologizes for trying to rig an election.
Grammatical and anatomical correctness combine for this glorious correction: In response to Seth saying, in regards to Honey Baked Ham (the store), “I can’t believe there are people just walking in there, buying a whole ass ham.”. Correction: “Correction: Technically whole ass ham is redundant because ham comes from an area of the pig that could arguably be considered its ass. And also, it would only be a half-ass ham because it’s only one half of the pig’s ass.”
Week of 8/17 (As in the Week of Tuesday, Aug 17) Message: “A vote for Corrections is a vote for YOU!” [Run Time 15:06] Mug: An image of the LNSM logo, edited to read, “Late Night with Half-Ass Ham”
Vince Vaughn impressions continue (“Buddy, buddy, buddy”) despite toxic Marvel stan/Jackal sub-sect protests erupting after Seth, ALLEGED COMIC BOOK NERD, thinks a Vaughn cameo in Loki would be a great opportunity for “Buddy, buddy, buddy,” not realizing the image he used included four Loki variants (Classic Loki, Kid Loki, Boastful Loki, AND Alligator Loki). Seth says his Vaughn impression doesn’t work with four “Buddies” so he’s either in favor of Loki erasure or need to reassess how structures his jokes
Pronunciation corrections
Corrections of corrections continue, clarifying that there ARE left-handed flutes. They’re just more expensive. Seth panders to the leading left-handed flute maker.
In a perfect example of how LNSM combines “high” and “low” culture, he ends this point with a fart joke. See! There is something for everyone.
Homonym adjacent correction: Mike Lindell is not a pillow magnet. He is a pillow magnate. He is a lawsuit magnet. Also, according to Seth, he is bad at website copy and clarity.
Responding to a Lindell impression correction (a L-impr-ection)*, complaining that the Pillow magnate is from Minnesota, not Chicago as The Super Fan impression implies, Seth states, “He is from Minnesota. But, I learned a lesson this year and that lesson is: sometimes what you want to be true is more important than what is actually true. And I learned that from Mike Lindell.”
Walmart in Astoria (Week 2): Oregonian jackals point out that there is a Walmart in Astoria, Oregon. Seth is not sure the joke stands though because technically the Walmart is in Warrenton, Oregon.
LNSM (original) and Corrections turns into the ouroboros, the snake eating itself, as the original protects itself from the monster it created (Jackals): Seth reveals that internal Jackals (fact-checkers) warned him of a timeline issue in his Prince of Tides joke. He was faced with either a timeline or semantic error, ultimately deciding that timeline accuracy was more important to Jackals.
User Kenwood MN aptly highlights a tumoltuous time to be in the YouTube comments section. Cred: YouTube Comments/LNSM
Seth notes that Jackals (in the content and frequency of their comments) often hint towards amphetamine abuse, saying they give off a “methy energy”.**
Notes on Seth’s poor pronunciation of pundit and an ensuing bad pun
Emmy voting is open as of the release of this episode. By mentioning his fellow nominees, Seth makes his moral high-ground known.
*See, I can do the high-low thing too. lol, Late Night should like totally hire me or something :P
**If. It’s. Taken. As. Prescribed. Abuse. It. Is. Not. (said, as I open my 79th tab and hit my 33rd page of nonsense)
Week of 8/23 Message(s): (1)“KNIT ONE. PEARL TWO. RELAX THREE.” (2) NOLITE FACERE TEPORIS TORPORIBUS.” [Run Time 12:47] Mug: Image of Fine Young Cannibals front man, Roland Gift, with the band’s initials presented in era inaccurate hashtag form (#FYC)
Surprise! Many Jackals are also NYT Spelling Bee players. NAWT.
LaGuardia-related errors span from the Writers’ Room to the Graphics Department. In response Seth negs, “You have jackal hearts, jackal brains, eagle eyes…What would a jackal with eagle eyes even look like?...”
“…I guess like this:
Vince Vaughn impression correction: “four buddies” is more like Twiki, the robot from the 1978 Battlestar Galactica (a shared favorite between Seth and MTS)
Seth pitches a Battlestar Galactica remake with Owen Wilson as Starbuck and Vince Vaughn as Twiki
The Grand Knitting Nightmare (Week 2): The yarn-based craft community gathered reinforcements after previous LNSM attacks and come back swinging. They assert themselves as alphas amongst the Jackal community and do not intend on submitting to Seth. In a non-Jackal/Graphics Department way, knitters say no to negging. Seth must step back and reevaluate how to flirt with them. He makes the following remarks regarding the community:
Of all ages
Curse like sailors
Don’t have a great sense of humor about knitting jokes
Seth clarifies the mission and vision of my (now 34 page) project… “Corrections is meant to be seen as a whole. Ideally you have to watch all of them…If you’re coming in late you’re missing so much.”
Seth submits to Knitters (and the Marching Band community)
Walmart in Astoria (Week 3): The Walmart is in Warrenton, Oregon. But, the Astoria Airport is also in Warrenton so there’s definitely some wiggle room. Seth adopts a distinctly Jackal trait, adjacent fun facts, adding that Goonies was filmed in Astoria, Oregon. In pure Meyers fashion however, he ties the tangent back to himself, remembering that the motto of the impression camp he recently attended was “Don’t Do Sloth” (translated, of course, from Latin).
Impressions Camp: Seth clarifies one of his jokes in light of a misunderstanding among Jackals:
When he did his McConaughey, his counselor did in fact hung himself. Jackals thought this meant Seth’s McConaughey impression prompted his counselor to try and kill himself (and therefore hanged himself). No! The counselor did not consider suicide, rather they found a passive aggressive action that would shame Seth into remembering that McConaughey-s are generally hack: After Seth delivered the (hacky) impression, the counselor moved a chair over to a coat rack, hooked himself (via his coat) onto the coat rack, kicked over the chair, and hung himself.
Impressions Camp is revealed to be a quite toxic place (for further inquiry see the fall of UCB)
Last Corrections ep during Emmy voting
Week of 9/6 Message: (1) “NERD CARD **Marked by a REVOKED stamp**” (2) “A Vote For Me Is A Vote for YOU!” [Run Time 14:08] Mug: Image of a sloth with a Ghost Busters-esque circle and slash over it.
Seth corrects himself and reminds the Jackals, “Don’t eat paste.”.
The Grand Knitting Nightmare (Week 3): Seth apologizes for misspelling “Purl,” the knitting term, as “pearl” the little ocean treat, on the back of the previous episode’s notes. He continues to stir the pot despite the proven hostility of the knitting community.
Twiki the robot is from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, NOT Battlestar Galactica. Seth tries to quell growing unease with the nature and sincerity of Corrections, amid accusations that he purposefully makes mistakes. Many refer to this phenomenon as “Jackal-bait”.*
Seth takes on Jackal behavior calling out Buck Rogers for not getting future robots right.
He then calls Gil Gerrard, Gil Faizon, the infamous Upper West-Sider.
MTA based humor
Seth said “I’ll see you in October.” Jackals point out that he will not see us. We see him.
Walmart in Astoria (Week 6): It’s The Goonies, not Goonies. Seth uses this time to do more free press for Astoria, Oregon. It just so happens that a lot of movies have been shot in Astoria: Short Circuit, Kindergarten Cop, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, Ring 2. Seth asks the people of Astoria if they have a lot of film tourism.
Impression Camp: “Don’t Do Sloth” motto and reminder. The Latin phrase was on the back of the second page of notes from the previous week’s episode…Jackals take issue with Impression Camp’s Latin translation…because, unsurprisingly, a lot of Jackals are also experts at a dead language.
It tracks that among Jackals there were at least seven Latin experts. Cred: YouTube Comments/LNSM
“You’ll see me next week. Happy!?”
*By writing about dishonesty between a man in a position of power seeming to pull allllll the strings, deciding what’s true and false, and likely plotting conspiracy, I feel empowered to call this entire era “Jackal-bait-gate”.
Week of 9/13 Message: (1) “Deskpool Jokeoke” [Run Time 17:36] Mug: **In the style of Keep Calm and Carry On** “JACKALS RAISE MY HACKALS”
Walmart in Astoria (Week 7): The Ring2 was shot in Astoria, not Ring 2. Oregonian Jackals reveal that there is an Astoria film history museum in the jail from Goonies.
Impression Camp Motto Update: even self-proclaimed Latin experts translated “Don’t Do Sloth” with varying degrees of intellectual-superiority. One constant, Sloth, a character name, should not be translated. Seth attributes one of the faults of the contemporary Catholic Church to this translation inconsistency…lending to an environment of too many priests using Sloth in their material.
Seth pantomimed as a smoking horse, incorrectly (calling back to an early Jackal-Seth interaction, the smoking cockroach). He corrects his pantomime to reflect proper horse anatomy. He decides smoking pigs, given their cloven hooves, would be a better option for future smoking animal pantomimes.
The graphics department executed a stellar reimagining of the infamous Thanos snap where Seth snaps and Wally turns to dust. Jackals point out that while Wally would have disappeared his card should have remained. Seth clarifies that although most people’s accessories were left behind, cue cards are actually a part of Wally. Thus, they too would have turned to dust. In a stunning reveal of Wally’s origin story, we find out that he exited the womb holding a tiny cue-card reading, “IT’S A BOY!!”.
The Grand Knitting Nightmare (Week 4): One of the leading voices in the knitting community found proof that Seth has been exhibiting disparaging behavior towards the yarn based craft community for much of his public life. And, she publishes the receipts.
Ruh ROhhh
Seth knitting a crochet blanket. Cred: LNSM/YouTube
The Graphics Department, despite experiencing early-week positive feedback, prefers negging and true to LNSM form, sometimes seems to bait it. Seth reveals internal debates regarding this image: Although Seth takes issues with the car make and model, Jackals take issue with graphic-joke continuity, as the joke described a skeleton sitting in traffic and the image showed a skeleton driving so fast that it was blurry.
The hotly contested skeleton in “traffic” graphic. Cred: YouTube/LNSM (Graphics Department)
Seth debriefs Jackals and the LNSM team on their second place finish at the Emmys. Seth loosely considers changing the title “Corrections” to something more in line with the Emmy winner…as referenced in the back-of-note message of the week.
“See me next week”
Week of 9/20 Message: “Knit/Purl/MATCH!” [Run Time 16:33] Mug: More like “Jerkels”
Biggest flub of previous Corrections: Seth says the phrase “on accident” instead of “by accident”.
Adverb misuse allegations
Seth and MTS once rented a Kia Optima (or Kia Optima adjacent vehicle) while in LA. At the valet they ran into Jason Statham and experienced a moment of terror, imaging the cool car Statham likely drove in comparison to their Kia. But wouldn’t you know it?! The valet pulled up with Statham’s car and it was a Kia Optima. In a parallel line of thinking, Seth compares his companion, MTS, to Stathem’s companion, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Very NY vs. LA.
Walmart in Astoria (Week 8): Oregon: Also home to the last surviving Blockbuster. Seth thinks he’s being pranked by Jackals who say it is pronounced ASS-toria.
Graphics Department displays their infamously poor grasp on anatomical correctness, especially among New York-centric vermin: rendering a pigeon wearing a snorkel in response to NY flooding, without covering the pigeon’s nostrils with their goggles.
Clarification that Seth used #FYC not to Emmy campaign but in support of the band Fine Young Cannibals from 2 week prior, prompts him to Facetime Andy Samberg, a master Roland Gift impressionist.
Andy sings “She Drives You Crazy” as Roland Gift
Horse Smoking/Anatomical correctness converge again. This time, marking the probable end of different animals smoking discourse, a Jackal said, “At the end of the day, any animal who smokes is going to end up a little hoarse.”.
In a show of comedic growth, Jackals note that Seth missed an opportunity in last week’s Corrections by discussing a missing “L” in a graphic for Cauliflower Doritos and his bad Tom Brokaw impression, but not combining the two as Brokaw would probably pronounce cauliflower as the Graphic Department spelled it. Seth confirms.
Some vaguely Jewish, Cue Card Wally world-building
Seth receives a sweater from Patty Lyons, his one-time nemesis and vocal member of the Knitting Community, marking a cease fire between her compatriots and LNSM. Seth alleges that he and MTS orchestrated the LNSM vs. Knitting Community feud in an effort to procure a homemade sweater, knowing that they were (1) foul mouthed (2) sensitive and (3) predictable. He claims to have been playing the Knitting Community since he infamously posed knitting a crochet blanket…and returns to his Taskmaster voice.
Seth wearing the sweater vest created by Patty Lyons (Jackal/head of knitting community). Cred: LNSM/YouTube
“See me next week”
Week of 9/27 Message: “The Gift of the Jagi” [Run Time 12:13] Mug:
Most feedback of the week comes from a joke with an explosion in space. While some Jackals think this counts as a win, Seth reminds viewers that the Graphics Department loves to be negged and baits said negging as their favorite form of flirtation.
Anatomical Correctness: Pigeon with a snorkel that does not cover it’s nostrils is featured in front of a brick wall…with the bricks going the wrong way (hotdog instead of hamburger).
THROWBACK regarding the pronunciation of the Irish term for prime minister and head of government, Taoiseach. Well, the Taoiseach was in 8G and nobody told Seth. He considers this as serious a betrayal as if no one told him Christoph Waltz and Werner Herzog came to visit and no one said anything.
MTS Update: In light of MTS’ desire to remain anonymous, Seth sets out to describe him: “fairly non-descript middle age man, with the most lustrous head of hair…just long…down to the shoulders…beautiful blonde mane”. He adds that MTS is always flipping his hair and talking about how badly he wants antique brush.
Randy Newman impression criticized for veering a little Bill Cosby.
Facetime with Andy (Week 2): Facing a few comments about the previous week’s call, Seth tries to Facetime Andy again, this time to no avail. He addresses a perceived pronoun mix-up with a new rule: “…because that’s what you do when you request a song. You change the pronoun for the singer.”
Pantomime Corrections: General pantomimes based on existing and possible roles Seth might play in the Fast and Furious franchise…Jackals point out Seth does not appear to have a grasp on FF culture/content.
Opera enthusiasts take issue with Seth calling Pavarotti a “B List Celebrity”. He clarifies that B List, when referring to Italians, means “bellissimo”
Seth wears sweater sleeves because last week he was calling his sweater vest a sweater. He admits this mistake made him very upset. MTS noticed his pal was upset. The next day, MTS showed up to 30 Rock sans beautiful gold mane. When Seth inquired about his missing locks, MTS said that a wig maker had been hounding him for a while and he finally decided to sell his crown. “Why!”, Seth asked. At this, MTS pulled out a box saying he knew Seth had been down all week about the sweater vest thing. Seth opened the box, revealing two blue sleeves with yellow accents. MTS said, “Now it’s a sweater. You put that on the vest, you walk out there and you show those Jackals who you are.”. Teary eyed, Seth looked at his friend of 20 years, saying, “I can’t…I can’t…I sold the sweater to get you this.”. He pulled out the antique brush MTS told him he wanted.
Seth dawns his new sweater sleeves. Cred: YouTube/LNSM/Patty Lyons
“See me next week.”
Week of 10/4 Message: n/a [Run Time 21:17] Mug: The Day of the Jackal (1973) movie poster with Seth’s face inside the sniper scope.
O. Henry discourse regarding last week’s The Gift of the Magi
A few Jackals mistakenly credit The Muppets 1978 Christmas Special
A well-meaning Jackal mistakes Mikey the Shoe for Mike Scollins. Seth shakes his head, “No. They are both unpleasant in very different ways.”.
Anatomical Correctness: Graphics Department still under fire from avian/snorkel enthusiasts for failing to cover the pigeon’s “nares”. Adding insult to injury, many more pile on, bereding the team for laying bricks the wrong way. However, some Jackals point out that it is a recognized form of brick laying called “soldier style”. At the expense of the group think of a comments thread, New York Jackals recognize the style from several subway stations. In a show of unity, Seth reminds viewers that the Graphics Department, despite being on the right side of history for once, are bad people.
Irish political institutions. Seth compares his not being alerted that the Taoiseach was in Studio 8G, to if no one called him during a read through of Wedding Crashers 2 where neither Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn were available.
Facetime with Andy (Week 3): Seth is frustrated that his dear friend didn’t pick up the week before. He asks his crew, “What’s he got going on where he can’t answer a phone call from me? Too busy writing down words that rhyme with nutsack?”. He proceeds to try and call again anyway…again, going unanswered.
He receives 2 calls during the rest of the segment, looking at the screen and saying “not him” before declining the call.
Mets corrections
Seth apologizes to Allie Hoard for not appreciating her cancer-mouse joke during Surprise Inspection.
Randy Newman impression notes
REFLECTIONS: Seth looks back on 241 shows without an audience…He sheds his snarky-bully persona to address growing fear in the Jackal community that audiences will ruin the show’s new found emphasis on crew-based humor. He promises that Corrections will always be without an audience and, thanks to his new contract, Wally will not be denied air-time. Looking back, Seth remembers reading YouTube comments for the first time in The Attic Era, while searching for feedback, thanking his audience and crew for sticking around and creating something different and better.
A frequent Jackal remark leading up to reintroducing an audience. Cred: YouTube Comments/LNSM
MTS Update: It is MTS’ birthday tomorrow and he makes a really big deal about it. Every year he makes guests wait at a venue in the Bronx while he hides in a gigantic cake. After two and a half or three hours he pops out saying, “Who’s your fucking O.Henry now?!”.
No comment regarding the sweater vest and the sweater sleeves finally coming together in sweater form. One sleeve falls off, Jackal/Yarn-Based-Craft community still starving for attention.
Seth’s sweater vest and sweater sleeves, united at last. Cred: YouTube/LNSM/Patty Lyons
“See me next week.”
Week of 10/11 Message: “This area has been cleaned & disinfected WITH LOVE.” [Run Time 17:31] Mug: Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde (1931) movie poster edited, reading, “Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hide” with images of Seth’s face
Anatomical Correctness: Seth apologizes for mispronouncing nares which means pigeon nostril…but also human nostril. So, the whole thing is just kind of like…why?
Facetime with Andy (Week 4): Seth gets a phone call…and declines it…was it Andy? Did he finish the list of words that rhyme with nut sack?
First notes on having an audience back: Giuliani humor. Good. Giuliani married to his cousin humor. Not good. He finds this strange as Giuliani married to his cousin humor hit particularly well with the crew. “It tickled them. Not, you know…marrying a cousin. But I think the fact that he found out afterword.”
Graphics also put Rudy in a graphic casket instead of a graphic coffin.
The correction that really started it all: said Legos instead of Lego bricks
Grammatical error: “My brother and I” (incorrect) vs. “My brother and me” (correct)
O. Henry (Week 3): Certain Jackals thought Seth ripped off The Gift of the Magi from the Sesame Street Christmas Special (1978) not The Muppets 1978 Christmas Special. Seth claims this is thanks to Gonzo’s blue balls.
Facetime with Andy (Week 4): Seth successfully Facetimes Andy and asks him to sing Counting Crows’ “Mr. Jones and You”.
Graphics renders an image of Donald Trump wearing rollerblades for a joke about him roller-skating. Classic.
Seth reveals his brother, Mike Meyers, had long hair in college (possible inspo from the glorious days of long-hair-Seth) , rollerbladed, and was nicknamed the Albatross…long winded way of saying “my brother and me” (but started the whole thing tangent with “my brother and I”
Disney-adults join in anti-Graphic Department rhetoric. Like most adults over-participating in childhood activities, they make it less fun
Seth begs for wiggle room of plus or minus 5 ounces in his jokes.
The audience is back and most Jackals realize it’s not that bad. Many take issue with holds for applause. Seth hypothesizes that this malice comes from a place of jealousy, “since the people in the audience are capable of feeling joy”.
There was a Jackal in the audience at his first Q&A
Vince Vaughn for an audience was “the Rudy’s cousin of [his impressions]”.
Seth addresses allegations of LNSM using a laugh track…nope.
Seth got a new hat from “now friend” Patty Lyons. (SIDEBAR: Seth jokes that if this video is your first Corrections, you probably stopped watching. NOT AFTER READING THIS BABBBIII.) AND! It’s double sided!
Seth debuting the last of the LNSM x Patty Lyons knitwear collection (Fall/Winter 2021). The fashion community waits with bated breath for the next installment of their collaboration. Cred: LNSM/YouTube/Patty Lyons
“See me next week”
Week of 10/25 Message: “Tie game, Jost!” [Run Time 16:41] Mug: (1) Jackal-Lantern (2) Jackal-Intern (cartoon jackal (hyena) carrying a to-go coffee tray)
Mugs 1 and 2. Cred: YouTube/LNSM
There cannot be a Grand Theft Auto: Civil War as there were no automobiles to thieve.
Seth apologizes to Gritty for assuming he was anti-vax
Pantomime Corrections: Seth incorrectly mimed a phone call, breaking the reality of the imaginary phone. He notes that messing this up is particularly disappointing because “when it comes to one-sided phone call humor, I’m the new Bob Newhart. The Bob NEWHart. If you will”.
Graphics Department
Mis-clothed Trump image in cheetah skin rather than leopard skin robe
10,000 Maniacs joke accompanied with contemporary band photo (with lead singer Mary Ramsey) rather than Natalie Merchant. This leads Seth to ask the Graphics Department to consult him if a band used in a joke has had a line-up change. Ex. “Don’t assume Phil Collins, I might want Peter Gabriel.”
Angry Grandpa at a Lowes. Issue: The aisles are labeled 61, 62, and 17. Jackals take notice. Seth thinks it might be Q-related.
Seth catches on to the phenomena of Cross-jackal Discourse.
Seth congratulates his underling, Colin Jost, for breaking his record as longest running Weekend Update Host. He qualifies this, reminding everyone that (1) unlike “fat cat” Jost, he has an everyday job, and (2) Jost and Che have it easy because for four of the years they’ve hosted “the jokes just wrote themselves”.
Seth confirms that the jokes just wrote themselves at LNSM too. “We would just come back, and they’d be there.”. He compares the experience to “The Shoemaker and the Elves” except with 30 Rock’s Shoemaker (MTS). MTS forced elves to write Trump-era jokes by threatening physical violence or death, every night, for four years. MTS claims Seth’s attempts to police his managerial style are cancel culture.
Scollins Joke: (The Joke: Amid global-supply chain delays toy makers are reportedly planning to release more small-squishy toys this holiday season. “You mean rabbits?” asked Lenny.) Seth apologizes for saying Mice and Men instead of Of Mice and Men, then addresses a sophomore English teacher who explains why the joke doesn’t work (Lenny dreamed of rabbits but only killed a puppy and Curly’s wife). He says, “There’s nothing novel about finding why a Scollins joke doesn’t work.” Seth is however, surprised to find that Curly’s wife doesn’t have a name. He comes to the conclusion that Steinbeck was just really bad at coming up with names…followed by an imagined conversation between Steinbeck and his editor that ends with Steinbeck running to the window and yelling “Dolores”. It’s a Seinfeld joke. There was a graphic.
Baby Hitler Graphic/Crossjackal Discourse: Hitler had brown eyes vs. blue eyes
Laugh track Discourse: “They think it’s a laugh track because they can’t believe you get actual humans to laugh” -Mean (but funny) Jackal
**Boston accent** “Ask Scollins why his town doesn’t have a decent hotel?” -Another mean (specific) commenter
In regards to the hat he debuted the previous week, many Jackals point out that all hats are double sided, a one sided hat is a picture of a hat. Very meta
Tara from the Graphics Department is the underling to whom Seth dictates his mug visions every week. The mugs are featured on a @seacaptainpolls poll.
Seth teases that Jackal merch is available at: wwwW.latenightmerch\jackal
Week of 11/1 Message: n/a [Run Time 16:43] Mug: Same as 10/25*
Pronunciation errors
New Hampshire vs. Vermont: Seth clarifies that since New Hampshire joined the union three years before Vermont, Vermont is the upside down New Hampshire.
House-boat vs. Yacht: Seth said House-boats don’t have cursive on the back. Jackals pointed out that the writing was in script, not cursive as the letters don’t connect. Jackals go easy on him as they do not teach cursive in school anymore. “Ya,” Seth says, “and when they do teach kids cursive, it’s only to write mean things about white people…Cursive Race Training.”.
Graphics Department
Grandpa at Lowes: In regards to accusations that Seth is part of the liberal elite that doesn’t go to home repair stores, he says “yeah”.
Baby Hitler: Brown eyes vs. blue eyes discourse continues, but one brave Jackal noted that babies can’t grow mustaches.
Bible jokes continue…no mention of a philistine or Phillis Stein
Comic book fans mad that Mike Lindell was in Joker makeup (a la Joaquin Phoenix) saying “Why so serious?!” (a la Heath Ledger).
O. Henry (Week 4): Regarding the unaired Muppets Christmas Special (1978), Seth proves that Gonzo does in fact have a penis, in regards to claims that Gonzo is genderless.
Jets diss, because they can’t be good. “That, and White Lotus. What a year!”
The jokes just write themselves CLARITY STATEMENT: When someone would ask who writes Seth’s jokes he’d respond, “Them-s elves.”.
The Elves and The Shoe: Seth thinks it’s weird that at some point MTS, himself, toiled under his own Shoemaker. He continues the thought noting that MTS is of German and Italian descent so it makes sense that “everyday [he] feels like [he’s] fighting World War II!”.
Jackals question MTS’ ability to throw elves out the window because at 30 Rock, the windows don’t open all the way anymore. Seth clarifies that MTS makes it work. The windows open a little and he just “muscles” them through.
Anatomical Correctness: Rat abs edition
10,000 Maniacs corrections combined with Baze dis.
Steinbeck: The classic American author wrote a lot of serious stuff. However, under a pen name, he wrote a werewolf murder mystery called Murder at Full Moon. Seth claims that unfortunatley Steinbeck’s manager was dismissive of fun content. He then asks Jackals if he should give Travels with Charlie another try.
Seth addresses corrections to the Halloween mugs. (1) The Jackal-Antern should be light inside. Seth said it is purposefully unlit as “Jackals have no light inside them.”. (2) The Jackal-Intern is actually a cartoon hyena. Seth said although Tara is good at her job, she is mean. When Seth approached her about the Jackal-erasure she told him to show the other side of the mug. It reads, “You’re Losers”.
Week of 11/8 Message: “No. She was gladiator.” [Run Time 13:27] Mug: “Jackal Pun TBD”
Muppet Anatomical Correctness: Big Bird edition. Oscar the Grouch also did not get the Hep C vaccine, as it does not exist.
Seth’s Celebrity Tangent: Seth met the original Big Bird, Caroll Spinney, at SNL. He could not read cue cards from in the costume so he held a pen light in his mouth and read lines off a tiny clip board he was holding. Eric Edward said “it was like watching someone operate a Civil War submarine”.
Pronunciation error
The Elves and The Shoemaker is the classic fairy tale, Shoemaker and the Elves refers to when the LNSM elves write bad jokes and Shoemaker shoves them out the window. Seth previously referred to this 30 Rock occurrence as a fable and was told it’s a fairy tale because fables have to have a moral. He argues that the moral of the story is: steer clear of Shoemaker.
Vocab Jackal says Seth should say “defenestrate” instead of “throw out the window”.
History of a Word!: the most famous example of a defenestration was in 1618 when two imperial regents were defenestrated from the Prague castle, starting the 30 Year War. Seth thinks that if you’re going to start a 30 Year War, they should have died.
Seth admits that Jackals are taken into consideration during the writing process.
Facetime with Andy (Week 5): Seth claims to be under the weather, calling Andy for his homeopathic cure, that always makes him feel better. He asks his dear friend to “do Robert Smith.” Seth hangs up the phone after a brief impression and says, “That’s The Cure.”.
Seth apologizes for thinking David and Richard Attenborough were the same people.
A Note Regarding Blue Humor: A joke was made during the week about a grandfather who took a date to see Ben-Hur. Implying that the grandfather and his date hooked up. In response a Jackal wrote: “Was Grandpa’s date annoyed when he went down on her during Ben-Hur?”. Seth said the second half was too dirty to share. (See weekly message)
Week of 11/15 Message: “Stop Fenestration Erasure.” [Run Time 10:57] Mug: “Jakkar Noir”
Tim Horton’s donut holes are called Tim Bits
Eurovision corrections
Facetime with Andy (Week 6): Seth asked Andy for a homeopathic cure. Andy doing The Cure’s Robert Smith does not count, according to most Jackals, as homeopathic. Seth adds, “The way homeopathic medicine works is, it doesn’t. To get better you dilute the thing making you sick…I love him, but Andy’s Robert Smith is pretty diluted. I’ve tried to get him to go to Impression Camp, but he won’t go and it only works if he wants to go.”.
Shoemaker and the Elves (Week 4): Now some Jackal said fables have to include animals and elves aren’t animals. Seth forgot to mention that when MTS is muscling the hack elves out the window he says, “Enjoy your flight, you filthy animal!”.
Defenestration: the act of throwing someone out the window. Three of the most famous defenestrations happened in Prague: 1419, 1483, 1618. The 1618 defenestration is called “The Second Defenestration”
Baze diss
Attenborough Brothers: Seth apologizes for overlooking Richard’s directing career: “Gandhi, Chaplin, A Chorus Line, that one’s A Bridge Too Far.”
Seth imagines tension between the brothers when one made his career studying the natural world and making documentaries while the other starred in Jurassic Park.
Buckle up. There are three Attenborough brothers: David, Richard, and John. David and Richard, both knighted. Seth imagines how David and Richard would force John to call them Sir.
The brothers went to school in Lester. Jackals are hesitant to hear Seth’s attempt. Seth claims to have an excellent Lester accent… “Welcome to NBC nightly news.”.
Jackals Reveal Heart Warming Truths About Humanity Part I: A jackal-anecdote, a jackal-dote, that deserves to be seen.
Week of 11/22 Message: “I was being sarcastic.” [Run Time 18:06] Mug: Jackal cartoon with a turkey tail “Happy Jacksgiving!”
Thanksgiving Correction (A day early)
Coxswain humor
Joe Flacco was #5 during the Jets’ last season, left the Jets, was traded back to the Jets, and is now 19. Seth notes that Jets fans demand “error free execution”.
Facetime with Andy (Week 7): Seth apologizes for asserting that Beetlejuice x3 makes him go away. He tests the correction by saying Beetlejuice x3 while calling Andy. Nothing happens. He introduces a new impression when his phone rings with The Lonely Island’s “I Just Had Sex”, a calling card of sorts for Beetlejuice. Andy does his Beetlejuice impression.
Comic Book Nerd-Jackal-Allies want Seth to know it’s Superman’s son, Jonathan Kent, not Clark Kent, who is bisexual. They also want him to know they wouldn’t care if Clark Kent was bisexual, but he’s not. Seth says that Jonathan’s sexuality is pretty clear, “he stays in his Lane”.
Seth wanted to rip open his shirt, revealing a Superman shirt. He was shut down.
Various food-related corrections
Regarding “A Couple of Flubs”
Seth “gives the best correction he will ever give,” sharing that he is no longer a father of two, but, for the last 10 weeks, he has been a father of three. He announces the birth of his daughter for Corrections exposure. Also tbh, in a very Seth-y move, he kindddd of makes his wife’s secret pregnancy and the birth of his daughter about him.
In a Thanksgiving message to Jackals, Seth says, “Doing this every week makes my life a little bit better and I couldn’t do it without you. So as much as I hate to say this, I am thankful for every one of you that take the time to leave a comment on our YouTube page.”.
Week of 12/6 Message: “Happy ‘Tanks’ Giving” [Run Time 11:38] Mug: Cartoon jackal wearing a glove*
Seth thought champing at the bit was when President Biden got so excited he sent his dog to bite you.
A Jackal corrected Jenny Hagel’s Spanish.
“If that’s true, no esta bien.” -Seth
“But if it’s not true…and you are incorrectly telling Jenny she’s wrong I do not want to be you…it’s like what you always say Shoemaker…she’s very serious about conjugation.”
“I would love for you to make Corrections more self-contained, so I don’t have to watch the rest of the show to get the jokes.” Welp buddy, here’s the (going on 50 page) manual since you don’t have the time to watch the show.
Grammatical/Idiom corrections
Seth corrects a joke about giving a rat a high-five. Rats only have four fingers, “so just to be safe, say up top.”.
The sexy Green M&M couldn’t have met Donald Trump at a Bon Jovi concert in 1986. The sexy Green M&M wasn’t introduced until 1995.
Seth teases a Corrections New Year’s Special even though their 2016 NYE Special’s Neilson rating came in a sealed envelope that said “It ate shit.”. He outsources to Jackals (even though he has the weight and financial support of a multinational media conglomerate behind him and all we have is spite), asking for a “Best of” list for Corrections.
His newborn daughter’s name is Adelaide Ruth Meyers
In regards to the Thanksgiving episode, Seth discusses the Surprise Inspection opening segment and how they had to edit out a few of Mike Scollins’ “groaners” and jokes inappropriate for Thanksgiving. A jackal responded to this saying: “You know the problem is he doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. Scollins celebrates Tanks-giving.”
Jackals ask for the Scollins content anyway and are issued this warning before the joke:
*I have searched the comments section of this episode of Corrections for over an hour without finding confirmation of this specific mug. My best guess…it’s a Michael Jackson reference (?)
Week of 12/13 Message: “Santa’s List” with an empty “Nice” column and a “Naughty” column that runs onto another page, listing Jackal over and over. [Run Time 17:09] Mug: Cartoon jackal holding a Christmas stocking
A Philly-Jackal (very aggressive) does not appreciate an inaccurate Philly-centric joke
Pedantic corrections
Seth clarifies that although sometimes it seems like he mispronounces a word (in this case ‘audience’ to ‘arrdience’), in the style of Carole Burnett signaling her grandma by touching her ear, he is actually signaling the Sea Captain (by saying things pirate-style).
LOTR corrections
Jackals noted that Adelaide Ruth Meyer’s initials spell arm. They seem to think it’s a diss. One jackal pointed out that ARM also stands for Anti-Radiation Missile.
Seth points out that his son bears a resemblance to some beloved movie-characters, foreshadowing when his children become actual beloved characters in an Apatow sisters-style rise to stardom (probably).
After teasing an end of year Corrections Spectacular, Seth said it was just too much work…YOU’RE TELLING ME BUDDY?!!
Features one Jackal’s #bestof recalling how Seth’s Bob NEWHart punchline/pun was met with someone from the Crew, audibly irritated, saying, “Oh my god.”.
Seth quickly recognizes that the groaned line was from none other than Alex Baze.
I’m rewatching this Correction…realizing LNSM…SM in particular…neverrrr planned on doing a Spectacular. Not now and not March 1st. Oof. I got got. I feel dumb. Maybe this is the anti-Spectacular, for the pissant Jackals too caught up in the comments section to read the room.
More #bestof content reveals A Dirty Dozen is now titled Cock-A-Call of Duty
Seth teases Corrections merch (A mug with the Late Night logo edited to read “Late Night with Correction Jackals”) AGAIN. He says when they sell them, every dollar will go to him.
Seth suggests that March 1st is too soon for Cicada, Cicada. He also apparently doesn’t have all the songs written, as he chose brainstorming things that rhyme with ‘Mets’ over helping his wife with their newborn.
MTS Update: As a Christmas gift, Seth turns the camera on Mikey the Shoe. When the camera flips into the audience, [cut to] a figure shrouded in darkness, covering his face. MTS (Seth’s Version) yells, “OHHHhh! You never put Mikey the Shoe’s face on camera!”. Seth asks the figure “Why?”. MTS (Seth’s version) says that people are looking for him.
“See Me in 2 Weeks”
Week of 1/10 Message: [Run Time 10:59] Mug: Cartoon Jackal wearing a mask
Remote Corrections because Seth is vaccinated “but not Jaccinated”…Vaccinated against Jackals.
Art History Flubs (Week 2): Seth said Michelangelo painted “The Mona Lisa”, rather than Da Vinci. He claims that the two are hard to tell apart “without their bandanas”
More “Scream”/ Edvard Munch corrections (pronunciation, origin)
Seth credits Thomas Jefferson with the polygraph, Limoncello, the swivel chair, and the Jefferson disc—a CD that plays White Rabbit.
Seth clarified differences among his British-Hugh impressions
Impression Camp: Seth apologizes to the Flare family for his poor Rick Flare impression. He blames it on seminars going remote.
“Chewbacca is not a species of creature. Chewbacca is a name. So, shame on me. That was a Wookiee mistake”
Graphics Department
Messed up some shadows
Interpreted a joke about the CDC issuing a travel advisory to Canada with a graphic of the state of Georgia, home to Atlanta, location of the CDC. Seth claims this is part of their MO: “Technically correct, and practically irritating.”.
Worst offense of the week: Interpreted a joke about a tree-Leonardo DiCaprio dating a sapling with a photo of a seedling, “which is not the kind of joke we’re trying to make to make here”.
Seth alleges that the Graphics Department makes all sorts of HR violations, even from home.
Prop Department Error: Choclotariot Pudding features a brown horse but still says the flavor is “Original”
Seth reveals his New Year’s resolution is to make 2022 the year with the fewest corrections ever.
“You guys are gonna see me next week.”
Week of 1/17 Message: (1) “L8er H8ers” (2) “L8er H8ers” [Run Time 14:25] Mug: Cartoon Jackal with the head of Thomas Jefferson
Surprise! Seth has a limited understanding of text slang! Not. L8ter is redundant
Seth (as Trump) assumes there is a sailor in The Village People
Correctly assumes however, that the cop is not in on the YMCA/gay anthem of it all. For more on this see: NYPD at pride
LNSM is NOT copaganda
Graphics Department
Prop Comedy
Art History Flubs (Week 3): A jackal points out that the art history flub turned TMNT aside from 1/10 “falls apart” because while there is a Michelangelo Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, there is not a DaVinci Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Seth argues that it fell apart far earlier.
Edvard Munch, of “The Scream,” pronounced Monk. Devolves into various Monk (2002-2009) references.
In The Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne’s room had a Raquel Welch poster, NOT a Rita Hayworth poster.
Seth apologizes to cat lovers for a joke about killing cats.
Seth apologizes for learning that Chewbacca is a name and Wookiee is the species, then immediately calling a vampire a Dracula…applying the same mistaken logic to a different misunderstood fantasy creature.
Leonardo the Tree (Week 2): A tree enthusiast is called a dendrophile…if you like seedlings in pendrophile.
Seth tells MTS that Olive Garden’s slogan is no longer “When you’re here, you’re family.”. Jimmy Fallon has owned the rights to that slogan since 2013! Seth recounts complaining to “the brass” that he hasn’t gotten his own slogan and they came through with “No one out pizzas the hut”…He contends that you can’t really be picky when it comes to slogan property.
Thomas Jefferson (Week 2): Pantograph not polygraph. Based on Seth’s research, TJ just brought a bunch of stuff back to America from France…which sounds like something Trump would do. Seth claims TJ popularized macaroni in the US. Also invented an excuse about why Sally Hemming’s kids had his eyes. (can’t forget about our previous Correction-interaction with a Founding Father)
Week of 1/24 Message: n/a [Run Time 16:09] Mug: “MUGG” with the Twitter dotted-line, highlighting a misspelling
Still mispronouncing pundits
Olive Garden (Week 2) gave the rights to their slogan to Jimmy Fallon, but in 2018 Fallon gifted the rights to Post Malone. Through a loop-hole, Olive Garden got the rights to a Posty lyric, settling on “Olive Garden: I’ve been fucking hoes and popping pillies.”.
Subway, Seth’s Celebrity Stories Edition: Seth reveals that he thought footlongs were still $5 because when he officially became a celebrity, in 2008, all above board, prices froze for him. He doesn’t agree with it, but he it’s the situation.
Editing Software: Seth is pretty sure spelling errors are a red-dotted line on Twitter and squiggly line on Microsoft.
The Dusty Giuliani Portrait: Wally pointed out at dress rehearsal that the portrait wouldn’t be dusty if it was used a lot. Seth thinks it’s pretty clear that they are using an old joke that is therefore dusty. Jackals side with Wally. The tides turn in favor of ole Wally the Cue. Seth apologizes, but TWIST, it hasn’t been a perfect week in Wally’s World:
Seth reveals that during a Respect in the Workplace Seminar, a company-wide event, Wally Feresten, Zoomed from bed.
Art History Flubs → TMNT Flubs (Week 4): The crime fighting turtles wear masks not, as was previously claimed, bandanas. Seth qualifies this adding, “Except Donatello just stopped wearing his mask, because last he checked this was America,”.
Message from 1/17 (L8er) still redundant.
Cat Joke (Week 2): Author of the joke has an 18 year old cat. So he’s not a cat-killer, “but he fantasizes about it”. Seth apologizes for coming off dog-lover with a superiority complex, explaining that he’s compensating since he has a dog that looks like a cat that people hate. Jackals fear that he is poking a group with fuse as short as the knitters’. Seth thinks there is some overlap.
Thomas Jefferson: In regards to the joke about Sally Hemming’s kids having TJ’s eyes, a Jackal shares that all of TJ’s kids were half-siblings and cousins.
Seth had to read some mean Cross Jackal Discourse
Seth apologizes to the writer he called a serial killer for writing two bad jokes in a row…to be classified as a serial killer it has to be three. “Because once you’re classified as a serial killer it’s almost impossible to live a normal life.”
Dusty Giuliani pt2: “The picture looks like he woke up in the middle of brain surgery”…A jackal notes that brain surgery is performed while the patient is awake.
“People stay awake through an entire brain surgery. And yet, Wally wouldn’t get out of bed for…”
“See me next week”
Week of 1/31 Message: n/a [Run Time 16:42] Mug: Just cartoon Jackal paws
Baze diss
Art History Flubs → TMNT Flubs (Week 5): Turtle fans take issue with Seth’s previous claim that Donatello stopped wearing a mask “because last he checked this was America,” arguing that since Donatello is the smartest he wouldn’t say that…Instead, they offer up Raphael. Seth counters that it’s often the smartest who reject science because “they know it will get them booked on podcasts”.
Seth is anti-mask in regards to the Ninja Turtles. He doesn’t see how it’s helping them, the walking talking turtles, remain anonymous. He tests his theory:
Seth tests his TMNT mask theory. Cred: YouTube/LNSM
Serial Killer Qualifications: Since 2005, two murders qualifies you as a serial killer. The FBI also apparently serves continental breakfast from 7:30-8 AM.
Seth, in a move designed to court the other side, dives into the center (from his cushy NY thrown) to play Mr. Bipartisan, saying, “One thing I really like about serial killers is that they always leave a note.”.
Single piece of confetti is called a confetto, not confettum. Seth find this interesting as Confetto was ALSO the name of the fifth Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle…”who loved to party, a little bit too hard”.
CLARIFICATION (Letterman Show): In regards to former Late Night with David Letterman “Animal Guy” Jack Hanna and why LNSM doesn’t have their own animal guy: Seth corrects himself, saying LNSM HAD an animal guy. However, once a sloth was in studio and he got a very distinct “I don’t want to be here” look from his Sloth-guest, deciding from then on…no animals.
Olive Garden (Week 3): Seth admits that NBC did not buy the rights to “Nobody out Pizzas the Hut” for LNSM (he fibbed). However, Pizza Hut sent the pizza for the crew and a very shiny red jacket for Seth. The crew, a group Seth finds generally menacing, suggested he wear the jacket for Corrections. So he did. However, since Seth is a celebrity (as we have previously established) he didn’t want to be made into free advertising, so he made the Pizza Hut logo say Pizza Hatz. NO renumeration
Pizzahats.com costs $1600, accounting for the ‘z’.
Left the message of the week on his (private) desk
Week of 2/21 Message: [Run Time 16:58] Mug: “Happy Octoversary”
The mask is back
But it cost Seth his relationship with Pizza Hut. “The brass” at Pizza Hut said he looked too much like “The Noid” a former Pizza Hut mascot.
Confetto vs. Confettum (Week 2): One Jackal ratted, explaining that there was an episode of The Big Bang Theory about what to call a single piece of confetti
Seth admits, “When you think people know something because they know Latin, and you find out it’s because they watch The Bang…it’s a big difference.”.
Remuneration NOT renumeration (Baze thumbs upped reunumeration)
Baze short for Baz-inga…Baze-diss
Art History Flubs→TMNT Flubs (Week 6): Seth claimed Confetto was a Ninja Turtle who partied too hard. Many Jackals said “No, Michelangelo is the one that parties.”. This is, of course, revealed in the theme song through the lyric, “Michelangelo is a party dude.”. Seth watched an episode and has issues with the rest of the lyrics.
Again, regarding Confetto, Jackals point out that there already was a 5th Ninja Turtle: Venus de Milo in the show and Jennica from the comics.
Jackals also pounce on Seth’s misgivings about the masks’ ability to shield identities. Turns out at first they all wore red masks until it came time to produce TMNT toys, and then all the turtles got different colors. In regards to this, Comrade Seth says, “Like the answer to most questions that start with why, the answer is capitalism.”. (This, directed towards Comrade (?) Sal Gentile.)
Sloths: Sloth’s don’t sweat (except for the two fingered sloth who sweats through their nose). Seth referred to the sloth once featured on LNSM as male, but the sloth was a female named Serenity (also a stripper…more like a burlesque dancer because she performs a very slow seduction routine)
Self-Correction: Billie Eilish skewed the show’s audience a little younger. Knowing this, Seth included a Welcome Back, Kotter (1975-79) joke in A Closer Look. He receives high praise for his comedic integrity.
Emergency Rooms (ERs) are now called Emergency Departments (EDs). He understands the change, but notes Erectile Dysfunction (ED) patients might pose a reception/intake problem: (“Who’s on First” situation) Q: Why are you in ED? A: ED. Q: That’s what I said. A: That’s why I’m here. Q: Why is this so hard? A: That’s what I want to ask the doctor.
Jackals note timeline continuity errors in Seth’s Pacino impression. He was doing a line from And Justice for All with a Scent of a Woman Pacino impression.
Seth addresses a comment calling Corrections a long and boring Boomer rant. WRONG. Seth is Gen X. He suggests calling Larry Meyers for a Boomer rant about how Corrections is long and boring
They do not “rehearse” corrections, as it is already “very close to an HR violation”
Lower expectation for anniversary
MTS not present for the 8th Anniversary of Late Night because he was in an accident during their Olympic hiatus.
Seth reveals that MTS was in really good spirits after his surgery because he thought he was going to make a lot of money in a slip-and-fall settlement. He blamed it on the bob-sledders, “making people think they can do things they can’t do”.
Seth addresses people watching Corrections at 1.25 speed…”Just watch something else.”
Art History Flubs→ TMNT Flubs (Week 7)
Michelangelo, the turtle, is pronounced Michaelangelo…in an effort to distance himself from artist.
Chuck Lorre composed the TMNT theme song that out Michelangelo as a party dude. He ALSO created The Big Bang Theory, the show responsible for the mainstream confetti/confetto knowledge AND the merging of multiple corrections into a cohesive subgenre.
Seth teases a TMNT X Jackals X French Painters, three-way collab…each turtle embodying a different correction subgenre.
Seth apologizes to real-life Tyler-s, who promise they “aren’t all little dick-heads”.
"Who's on First?" (Week 2): A Jackal wrote in a joke continuing the ED nurse/ED patient miscommunication: Q: What caused the ED? A: Third Base…at this, Seth tips his Pizza Hatz snapback and reminds viewers that talking about sex in terms of bases is something you never grow out of.
MTS Update: Still in the hospital, recovering from his Winter Olympics accident. Jackals point out that most of MTS’ job seems to be sitting. Since he broke his leg, why can’t he come in? Seth seems to agree that MTS is never running around like [in video correction: Holly Hunter] Joan Cusack. When he brought this up to his executive producer, MTS said he needed both legs to do the most important part of his job, kicking ass.
MTA Humor: You can’t get mange from the breathing, but you can get it from mites
Baze diss
Wally’s World: Q: Who holds Wally’s Cue Cards? A: Brian. Q: Why don’t we see him? A: “We’re not looking to make a second Frankenstein!”
Seth knew this from experience because when he told her he wouldn’t have any more animals on the show after her feature, she drove off and gave him a peace sign. Peace sign = fingers
Space Facts with Seth: A meteoroid exists in space. When it enters Earth’s atmosphere it is a meteor. The meteor hits the dog house. When it hits the ground it is a meteorite.
In terms of insults (Willy Wonka vs. Charlie Bucket discourse), Seth warns non-coastal Jackals that “New Yorkers’ will often choose the option that sounds better, as opposed to the one that adheres most to the text”
No progress has been made to doing an anniversary show in any way shape or form…SIKE 55 PAGES OF PROGRESS HAVE BEEN MADE
MTG reminds some jackals of Magic the Gathering rather than meeting (MTG) or Marjorie Taylor Greene (MTG) Seth is glad they feel the LNSM comments section is a safe place to admit that.
Authors on Authors: Seth Meyers on E.B. White, various corrections and complaints.
Charlotte’s Web: Charlotte can’t complain about helping Wilbur because she dies at the end of the book.
Stuart Little: Stuart’s parents are people and he is a mouse. What?
Issues with the Ending: It is a lovely book that he enjoys reading to his sons at night. However, The target audience of Stuart Little’s genre, children, including Ashe and Axel, are not often satisfied with the grey ambiguities of post-World Wars-20th century literature. Seth’s kids wanted to know if Stuart found his bird-friend Margalo. White, of course, does not disclose if a Stuart-Margalo reunion occurred, only that Stuart seemed to be driving in the right direction. Facing an increasingly uncertain world, Seth opted to insert a brief union of friends and return to their otherwise lovely life in New York.
Seth reveals that Corrections, a segment assumed to have been the organic creation of Seth and his audience, has been a year-long bit to plug his new children’s book, I’m Not Scared YOU’RE Scared!.
“See me next week”
Week of 3/7 Message: Image of the Nine of Diamonds [Run Time 16:29] Mug: Stuart Little cover art, reading “Stuart Belittle,” with a cartoon jackal in Stuart’s clothes
The McRib is not a seasonal item as McDonalds doesn’t release it every season. Seth turns this Correction into an opportunity to backdoor brag.
Synonym corrections (boring)
Art History Flubs → TMNT Flubs: Seth’s cartoon reboot TMNT X Jackals X French Painters gets lyric revamp: “Grown-ass, online, correction Jackals, zeroes in a half-shell”. More Chuck Lorre lore, including that although he created TBBT, the Barenaked Ladies wrote and performed the show’s theme for $1 million (versus Lorre’s $2K for TMNT). Seth is fairly confident he knows what BNL did with the money.
Pronunciation Review: Italian Artist = Michelangelo, Turtle = MICHAELangelo, Magician = Mike Angel
Seth’s Celebrity Stories: Chris Angel, mind freak, performed magic at Seth at a party in Las Vegas. After Seth pulled a nine of diamonds and Chris Angel began doing his magic, a group of beautiful women walked into the party prompting Chris Angel, mind freak, to walk away from Seth mid-trick.
“Light” Sloth Motif:
International pronunciation “comments”
Anatomically Correct Pantomime, Sloth Edition: Seth previously pantomimed Serenity driving away, then throwing a peace sign. Thanks to previous sub-species clarification, Jackals recommend he adjust his pantomime to reflect a two-fingered grip on the imaginary steering wheel. However, based on his memory of the evening he witnessed a five-fingered grip, leading Seth to believe—this whole time—he had been dealing with a man in a sloth costume…really shifting the in-studio animal conversation.
Light motif is typically used in reference to music. Seth counters that to him, Corrections is music.
Cruel Comments:
Jackal: “Seth looks like a grown, old, worn-out, Ash Ketchum.”
Seth: “That’s a fair hit.”
Seth Meyers and Ash Ketchum. Cred: LNSM/YouTube
Seth does shop for his own groceries, but since he’s a celebrity, he enters through the back by the seafood.
Every Jackal that said or thought this scored “bad” on the Jackals-Briggs-Personality Test
MTS Update: He’s in recovery, but seems to be Zooming from a tropical location.
Seth addresses the Broadcast News (1978) Holly Hunter Joan Cusack, mid-Corrections-correction because a trigger-happy Jackal commented in the seven seconds it took for him to catch his mistake. Although he is disturbed, he tips his cap to the Jackal for admitting they were wrong…seconds later.
Authors on Authors: Seth Meyers on E.B. White, various corrections, complaints and comments (Week 2)
Considering the Correction of the Week was lit-snobby (annoying, but in the high-brow realm), it seems true to form that Jackals would correct Seth’s questions regarding the Little Family tree with answers provided from the Stuart Little movie (a human couple adopts a mouse child) (low-er-brow), rather than the canonical text (a human couple has a mouse child).
Fun Fact: M. Night Shyamalan wrote the Stuart Little (1999) Screenplay. The twist? M. Night Shyamalan wrote the Stuart Little Screenplay…a little meta for a kids movie, but a twist nonetheless.
Pedantic TWIST: Jackals complained that Seth spoiled Stuart Little. Adopting Jackal culture, Seth said, “That’s not possible because there is no ending to Stuart Little…it just peters off.”
Issues with the Ending: Jackals Reveal Heart Warming Truths About Humanity Part II…“maybe the best correction [Seth] has ever received”… Another jackal-dote that deserves to be seen,”…aka Seth f-d up.
Seth uses this beautiful moment about humanity to plug his own book, and assert that E.B. White also thinks people who say “actually it’s Frankenstein’s monster” are assholes AND that it is fucked up that two humans had a kid mouse.
Week of 3/14 Message: “Ending Blows White” [Run Time 19:08] Mug: “Murch Madness”
Meyers-Jackal Personality Test was too on the nose (opting, of course, for Jackals-Briggs in reference to the Frankenstein’s monster issue)
Seth admits he doesn’t go to the grocery store
BNL/Big Bang Theory-theme lyrics discourse
Some Jackals convinced you do not pronounce the f in Light-Sloth-Motif
Seth does a joke for Canadian Jackals
Jackal accuses Seth of padding out Corrections. Seth is confused by this because…why? He then asserts there are no ads for this segment. WRONG WRONG WRONG. SO MANY ADS. I HAVE SEEN SO MANY ADS.
THROWBACK: Step dad (and mom) culture.
Although MTS is back, he is not very mobile. Stretched out on the couch, MTS has a real “Wally in an HR meeting vibe,” according to Seth.
Seth alleges that MTS has made a habit of hitting people (Seth) with his cane and blaming it on his pain meds (Advil).
Since being compared to Ash Ketchum, Seth received corrections that he actually looks like “the pizza guy in a porn film who just delivers the pizza and leaves”.
They weren’t wrong. Cred: YouTube/LNSM
Authors on Authors: Jackals note that an accomplished writer like E.B. White would not say, “Isn’t it fucked up that two humans has a kid mouse.”.
Seth seems to think it makes sense because maybe White was out of practice on the type writer. And, maybe…MTS was banging on his door, telling him they needed to get going on Corrections.
Upset by accusations that he had been penning these additional White letters, Seth reached out to the E.B. White archive at Cornell and they sent him ANOTHER letter detailing how he was sorry for any grammatical errors or typos, he was under a lot of stress because he was learning to use his new typewriter. He then took back his previous explanation for the conclusion of Stuart Little, explaining that it does suck and he wishes he could change it but his publishers won’t let him. White added: “If the letter looks older this time, it’s because I dipped it in tea.”
Week of 3/28 Message: “This area has been cleaned & disinfected” with an image of Wally’s head on the bottom corner from when he Zoomed via his bed for NBCUniversal’s 2022 Respect in the Workplace Seminar. [Run Time 19:03 ] Mug: Image of Wally’s head peaking onto the screen, from his bed, during NBCUniversal’s 2022 Respect in the workplace seminar. For more info see Week of 1/24
MTS is adjusting to life back at 30 Rock at his own leisure…often using his cane to clear paths and underscore his creative vision.
MTS has a local caviar guy
An intern does NOT screen Corrections. That would be cruel.
Step Parent culture continues (Alice Cooper/Ozzy Osbourne): Step mothers ARE capable of love despite their negative portrayal in the Disney universe.
Oscars 2022: Seth watched Coda and NBC’s 2015 limited series The Slap following the ceremony.
Seth Meyers is a NYT Best Selling Author (I’m Not Scared, You’re Scared!)
Omakase Menu does not exist, as omakase roughly translates to “I leave it up to you”
Seth does a Jay Leno impression
Light Motif: now Jackals are saying yes to the F no to the T in light…geez
At the time of posting, neither of this publication’s picks are in the lead…pointing to what Seth has known all along: Jackals are 1. not a monolith. 2. Not very good murch pickers. And 3. the majority losers with a bad sense of humor considering Late Night with Half Ass Ham did not win in some sort of write in vote situation. @Late Night with Seth Meyers: Did you learn nothing from The Oscars? Nothing from The Flash entering the speed force of it all? We are here to celebrate the craft, not the public’s opinion. If I wanted to see the most popular thing via some sort of gimmick, I would watch Jimmy Fallon. Do. Better. Or at least host a Critics’ Choice.
Authors on Authors: Viewers point to typos and formatting because E.B. White famously authored Elements of Style
There is a new (much more strict) librarian at the Cornell E.B. White archive who makes Seth follow a rigorous routine before checking out MORE letters to the same young girl. (MTS calls women, like the stern librarian, battle axes.)
White teases the publication of Charlotte’s Web and reminds her that he is a busy man with no time to rewrite letters to little girls if he misspells something.
Addressing the previous letter he wrote, White imparts some wisdom on young Kay: Yes, letters on a typewriter are called keys but if someone in your life says, “They’re called keys, not buttons.” they are a Jackal and you should get them out of your life immediately.
Week of 4/4 Message: n/a [Run Time 22:32] Mug: Cartoon Jackal Typing on computer/Late Night with Correction Jackals
Dinosaur categorization/pronunciation
Crossbows shoot bolts or corrals not arrows. Sketch written by Ben Warheight who is known for never making mistakes
Grammatical Corrections: Less vs. fewer
Seth got the (“Without Me”) “Tell a Friend” Eminem lyrics right last week…Seth is a big fan and used to write fan mail. Although he believes “Stan” to be the best of the epistolary raps, he is a little confused about the narrative through line.
More of a response: I HAVE WRITTEN SO MUCH (I’ll do it again in letter form if I have to) AND LNSM HAS YET TO EVEN OPEN MY FACEBOOK MESSAGE. Also, in my opinion…Substack is at least marginally more epistolary than Youtube comments.
Most offended jackals of the week: dinosaur experts and diet Dr Pepper drinkers
MTS wrote the now famous line, “I can see Russia from my house” for Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin. Well…MTS pitched it, Seth wrote it. Unfortunately in the 14 years since, MTS has been really “dining out on the line”.
The Ice Storm also stars Elijah Wood…who is also famous from LOTR. Seth claims LOTR has no stakes because no one dies except kind of Gandolf.
Seth flubbed asterisk pronunciation on purpose to set up an eighties movie bit (?) (pre-established that this is his form of flirtingggg)
I’m Not Scared You’re Scared: Seth uses the week of promotion to introduce his Anna Delvey impression
Authors on Authors: Archivists mad about the gloves (latex not cotton), tweezers, and blowing into the gloves
Kay’s son sent a follow up letter his mom sent to EB White from 1966 (13 years later) detailing how she came around to Stuart Little’s ending and was now she works in the Peace Corp
EB White responded, expressing how glad he was she came around on the ambiguities of SL and that Kay was headed in the right direction and that he hoped her going didn’t get too rough.
Seth fact checked this with the White archive at the Cornell library—altered his archival techniques—and proceeded to pull out a fire damaged and tea soaked letter. The letter Seth found was less congratulatory and much more “Stan” adjacent.
Jimmy Riley, head-carpenter and former MTS caviar victim, is really the head mother fucker in charge at 30 Rock. Seth disagrees, talking a big game about how “this is my show” and “I’m in charge around here”…only to have his power cut by the Riley O’Reilly family.
This publication has tried and failed on multiple occasions to get a clear picture of how things are run over at 30 Rock. The O’Reilly Family won’t get back to us, we are apparently not NBCUniversal Page Program material, and obviously dissenters are being penalized (LNSM now on 2 week hiatus). Footage and evidence “mysteriously” disappeared from MTS’ house after his “accident”, so not only do they have someone on the inside, they aren’t scared of one of the baddest mofos in the game.
Our investigative team’s current hypothesis is that the Rileys O’Reillys and Lorne Michaels are in a shared power Roger Ailes-Rupert Murdoch situation. The long reigning 30 Rock dual-government was, in fact, likely inspiration for the once Fox owner/Rapist-Fox runner/Racist power couple. It should be noted that where Seth confesses that Lorne does not watch his show, the Rileys O’Reillys are highly involved in LNSM operations (even sticking around for web-only content).
Week of 4/18 Message: “#9 is the new #1” [Run Time 21:26] Mug: Cartoon Jackal wearing overalls and a construction hat holding a hazard sign that reads “UNDER CONSTRUCTION”
Week of 4/4 exceeded the twenty minute average stipulated by the Television Academy for the Emmy Category: “Outstanding Short Form Comedy, Drama, or Variety Series” (Seth cannot place the official name of the category)
Although Seth promises to make up the time…his notes for Week of 4/18 appear to be (for the first time) typed out and on full 8.5x11 printer paper. (Weekly message still featured on original Covid disinfection notices)
Seth claims that the E.B. White narrative arch is over on Corrections, before opening up a conversation about what the E and B stand for. He quickly shuts this down as he previously stated that the narrative is complete.
Grammar notes…
Jackals pick at improper grammar in an Eminem’s song “Stan”
Stan from “Stan” is possibly the eponymous character of the song or the titular character…Seth thinks both seem right.
Corrections theme (from the E.B. White arch): type written letters. Seth notes that the pencil scratching in the “Stan” music video is much more haunting than the sound of a type writer.
Actor alert: Seth pretends to exclude Dre from the Super Bowl lineup
Seth hypothesizes that the Beastie Boys would have tried to rhyme Kalie Cuoco’s name before reflecting on the general nature/direction of Corrections.
LOTR it’s long and boring→no major characters die in the films→Wrong: Boromir dies→Not to be confused with Bored-amhere **Seth points to himself**
Nick Cage suggested that Andy Samberg should host SNL as Nick Cage
FaceTime with Andy: Seth calls his pal to get his take/Nick Cage impression…no response
Graphics Department: Eagle smoking an e-cig while checking email catches a lot of flack…general eagle anatomical corrections as well as e-cig laws debated in comments. Seth proves an eagle could be in an office by showing a video of an eagle frightening the disgraced former XFL owner, Donald Trump.
apologizes for making Corrections political…politics is for “A Closer Look” aka Comrade Sal Gentile’s “bully pulpit”
Seth makes some vague jesters alluding to a potential ideological rift between himself and “A Closer Look” head writer, (socialist king) Sal Gentile
FaceTime with Andy: Andy texts his former boss to say he is in an edit meeting and can’t talk. He requests that Seth tells his audience that he got Queen Bee (a big deal) on NYT Spelling Bee.
Seth offers some corrections to the GOP. When Tucker Carlson messes up it’s called a Tuck Up.
You can’t microwave your nut sack. Also bald eagles don’t have nut sacks…they have cloacas.
One of Axel’s classmates asked how Stefon is doing in regards to a Meyers family tree project.
Murch Madness: NBC Merch Department is VERRRY backed up. Seth tried to rattle the brass to get things moving, but designers have only just finished the Jay-Walking Zune case.
pter vs. ter = wing vs. earth…Seth concedes to dinosaur experts, we can’t go around dropping p’s willy nilly.
MTS Update: Jackals want to know how to spell Mikey the Shoe’s name. Seth shares that it is not Schumacher as in Michael Tony Schumacher, the German race car driver who has “gone faster than an human on Earth ever,” it’s Michael Shoemaker as in the guy who has been on a cane for four weeks and has managed to keep getting slower. (“Watching him move down a hallway makes Lord of the Rings feel like a Mountain Dew commercial.”)
Lifeguard instructor suggests a tip for putting on gloves. Seth makes the legally binding statement that in the event he needs CPR, skip it [the gloves].
I’m Not Scared, You’re Scared: Seth updates on his NYT Bestseller placement. He shares his Week 5 updates via a carefully crafted chart (I like charts too). INSYS is now #9.
Seth blows raspberries at going over twenty minutes again… “Maybe…cut the Beastie Boys stuff?”
Week of 4/25: Message: N/A [Run Time: 15:10] Mug: Cartoon Jackal wearing overalls and a construction hat holding a hazard sign that reads “UNDER CONSTRUCTION”
Emmy eligibility minutiae (must average under 20 minutes)
I will be adding an Emmy category to the Timeline of a Bit graph
Star Wars corrections
You could (with minor tweaks to the system) microwave your nut sack.
JACKALS, you’ve disappointed me once this month, WATCH SEVERANCE (!!) YOU COWARDS (!!)
Dinosaur nomenclature discourse
Week of 4/18 Corrections was uploaded on Earth Day and featured Seth drinking out of a teeny tiny plastic water bottle. AFTER being called out, Seth (if Correction is anything, its reactionary) introduces a water bottle to the LNSM desk collection. Those shitty little plastic loving interns (probably the one who hasn’t responded to ANY of my Facebook messages) forgot to fill it, forcing Seth to spend multiple of his precious ~under twenty minutes~ filling his reusable bottle with water from smaller and smaller plastic water bottles. Prop comedy. Incredible.
This week’s Michael Caine impression was reduced, reused, and recycled from the SNL Vintage days.
Seth teases a new Second Chance Theater: “Hair Heads”. Wally witnessed the sketch play to silence.
Correction: Rudy Giuliani’s first wife wasis still his second cousin.
**Cue prop comedy**
FaceTime with Andy: No response via FaceTime, regarding his hosting SNL as Nic Cage, OR the reality of him getting Queen Bee everyday.
Wrestling: Stories are fake, stunts are very real.
Murch Madness: NBC Murch dep. rushed a prototype and fucked it up.
A prototype for the (lame) winning Murch Madness mug. PS @Vogue @LNSM drop Seth’s skin care routine. Cred: LNSM/YouTube
“Somebody did the math.…” (ME! I DID THE MATH!)… “If you add up all the Corrections so far: ten hours and seventeen minutes.” LOTR (Extended Version): Eleven hours and twenty-two minutes. Seth does not think an audience for the LOTR Extended Version exists.
I’m Not Scared, You’re Scared!: Seth correctly anticipated a post-Easter bounce, landing back up at #7. He teases that if he ever catches up with Fallon he won’t boast, “respect the lead-in.” (BOO, I want blood! Let Gen-Z experience Late Night Wars III)
**more prop comedy**
Seth received a NEW (type-written, non fire damaged or tea-soaked) rhyming diss-letter from Eminem regarding alleged grammatical errors. The letter is signed, Eminem (be white)
Week of 5/2: Message “Probably #11” [Run Time: 15:25] Mug: Cartoon Jackal wearing overalls and a construction hat holding a hazard sign that reads “UNDER CONSTRUCTION” (Week 3)
Seth pre-Emmy-campaigns by bowing (again) to the lowest common denominator aka being more cheerful during Corrections. No one wins when commercial appeal outranks art, Seth. NBC doesn’t even need its current guffawing late night host. Seriously, it’s been eight years. Why start playing their silly little games now.
lil Art History Flubs call back
Jets diss (corrected)
Bad Jackal diss
Giuliani Joke (Revisited): a Jackal made a Corrections-worthy quip regarding the following Giuliani graphic:
og joke-ish: now you can get a cameo of Rudy Giuliani swinging his golf club around like a weird little metronome Cred: YouTube/LNSM
Jackal Version: That’s a picture of a metronome and a New York Metro Gnome…genius.
New York Metro Gnome Cred: all mee babbyyy
**more prop comedy**
Eminem doesn’t care about proper spelling or Jackals
NYT Spelling Bee: Queen Bee vs. Genius (verrrry different)
FaceTime with Andy: No response. He was naked (just got out of shower) but wanted Seth to tell Jackal that he did get Queen Bee
Why not pre-schedule the calls? “If I pre-set the calls, the magic’s over.” -Seth Meyers (He next called another friend—he has more than one—who remained nameless—who also did not pick up.)
Lassie (TV Show) discourse based on IMDB summaries. Seth grounds the bit in his trademark doom and gloom by reminding viewers…dogs don’t last 16 seasons… “you know how dogs work, right?”.
**anti-Earth prop comedy**
Lassie (female Collie) was always played by a male dog because female Collies tend to “blow coat”.
AUTHOR ORIGINAL: This is how a Collie SHOULD look when blowing coat:
a la moi :) Seriously…@LNSM (or Graphics department) gimme a job
I’m Not Scared You’re Scared!: Seth points out that his book is not commerce, it is art. Because of this, he removed his book from NYT Bestseller List considerations (see message)…take your own advice Seth, no need to spoon feed Jackals their weekly negging.
NBCU Merch Store DOES NOT feature LNSM on the home page, rather behind the Other Shows tab.
LNSM merch page does not seem to have been updated since the show began (eight years ago)
America’s Sweetheart, Amber Ruffin was an official LNSM merch model.
Week of 5/9: Message “Verth the Vait” [Run Time 15:49] Mug: A-Jack-U-Lator aka A Jackal doing Calculations
Grimace wouldn’t have a skeleton because he is an eggplant based on a tastebud. gross.
Jackals stick up for Graphics Department
Baze and Seth discuss the Mandela Effect in relation to Lassie. Common examples:
Timmy falling in the well (a la Lassie)
“Luke, I am your father.”→“No. I am your father” (Star Wars)
“Beam me up Scotty” never happened (Star Trek)
“Elementary, my dear Watson.” (Sherlock Holmes)
Werther’s Originals Discourse: It’s a German company. International Jackals unite around proper German pronunciation of the title.
Herzog/Waltz/Malkovich / Taskmaster impression
A Werther’s Original COULD penetrate Kevlar, based on one Jackal’s reasoning/calculations. He signed his work, “Sincerely, A Jackal with A Calculator”. Seth shortens the signature to “A-Jack-U-Lator”
Seth sends a can of soup to his Covid-stricken colleague, Jimmy Kimmel.
**prop comedy (we’ve evolved from the water bottle)**
MTS was a “Dead Head but for Milli Vanilli”…only after the lip-sync incident (which Seth recreates)
Wally’s World (HR-gate): Seth peels back the curtains at 30 Rock, exposing Wally lounging around the building like he owns the place (by my calculations, he does).
FaceTime with Andy: Seth opts to text his pal before calling. While waiting he rereads their texts from last week, wherein Andy confirms that Seth told Jackals he got Queen-Bee and that he was naked. Andy hopes no one in the audience got a boner because “jokes on them, [he] looks like crap!”.
Jackals Reveal Heartwarming Truths About Humanity: Aw someone saw one of Seth’s shows with a co-worker and now they are getting married. Some Jackals express concern for the couple’s brief courtship, while others come to their defense…. “This [YouTube comments section] wasn’t the right place to write that.” -Seth Meyers
FaceTime with Mystery LA Friend: What do we know?
Friend is in LA
Friend knows about Corrections
Friend sleeps until at least 2 PM PT (5 PM ET)
My guess…All signs point towards Harry Styles if I’m being completely honest. (joke)….Seth, if you ever get this far…I know Sudekis is your boy, but I think there is room for you to foster a relationship with Mr. Styles, and one day, maybe reconcile the two. (Can’t help but feel like if ‘ya have on Munn, you can spare an evening for Styles.)
Week of 5/16: Message “Scollins!” [Run Time 22:38] Mug: A-Jack-U-Lator aka A Jackal doing Calculations
Pizza Hatz (Official) returns, glass cup with clear liquid (we can assume water) replaces former water bottles. Prop Comedy FTW!
Seth is irked (general emotional starting place)
Mandela Effect (Week 2)
Scotty WAS in one episode of TNG (The Next Generation) (Star Trek, active Jackal sub-community)
Sherlock Holmes
Seth wants to meet the first person who said, “No shit Sherlock.”.
Milli Vanilli fans are called Milli Fanillis or Manilliacs, according to MTS
FaceTime with Andy (the call): 5 week payoff for Samberg as Nicolas Cage hosting SNL. Would Andy do it? Absolutely. Seth pitches Samberg does the monologue as Nic Cage dressed as John Travolta wearing a Nic Cage face. The first line is “Stop clapping!”
Andy did not like hosting a talk show…Seth hangs up because he knows the minutia of hosting a talk show.
Pizza Hut joke returns: the punchline doesn’t really hit, as it was interrupted by a different long running bit. Seth clarifies that Pizza Hut is not a Corrections sponsor but Seth primes Jackals for a reality in which he does, in fact, sell out. So don’t whine or act too surprised. Pizzahatz.com
Werther’s Original by Werner Herzog: Werner’s Original because Life Sucks
“I feel like we might have just stumbled into a desk piece…Put a pin in it, Shoemaker.” -Seth
US Military Strategy Discourse re: Trump wanting to commence covert missile strikes on Mexico.
Mexico would not believe its attackers are Costa Rican as Costa Rica has not had an army since 1948.
Headphones: It’s either AirPods or earbuds, never EarPods or AirBuds
Seth claims that Air Bud, a movie about a dog who plays basketball, was the first movie created solely for late-night comedy writers to reference for the next twenty-five years.
Roses have prickles, not thorns.
1. Thorns are modified branches
2. Spines are modified leaf structures
3. Prickles have no vascular material, and are easier to remove.
“From now on don’t say thorn, say prickle…Tough news for the band Poison. (Every Rose Has Its Thorn, 1998)
SUGGESTION A LA MOI
graphics a la moi…missing f loves a callback almost as much as Sal Gentile
Trust Seth, the guyz over at LNSM know a thing or two about key bumps. Keys in regards to the GOP ≠ unlocking doors
Italian American Stereotype Goof: ‘Twas lazy according to a Jackal.
Seth consults “A Closer Look” Headwriter, Salvator Gentile, Italian-American. Jackals finally hear the voice associated with everyone’s fav leftist.
Seth compares the painstakingly long “A Closer Look” writing process to the quick turn around of “Ya Burnt” (a lie)
**Tip o’da Pizza Hatz Cap** ~for now~ mistakes:
Wordle graphic error
AOL CD’s shouldn't have a possessive apostrophe
Eight-hour road trip in the first half of joke with a ten-hour traffic jam one sentence later….
Inspector Gadget, according to Seth Reiss, is from the early-90s (not the 80s, as suspected by the more famous Seth)
Seth notes, in defense of the jokes, that the Burn Bros don’t have internet, relying on a combination of instinct and guessing to write their desk pieces…very anti-tech
Scollins joins the chat: **I painstakingly scrolled through YouTube comments for an hour and couldn’t find Scollins’ jab** “Hey it’s Scollins. This is my first ever YouTube comment. Jason very often kills during the day, so I don’t know if it’s right to say he’s waiting for night to fall. Maybe you’re thinking of Dracula.”
Seth complains that he has tried to Scollins-proof his life, and now YouTube comments aren’t even safe from the tank-topin’ jester of 30 Rock.
Week of 05/23: Message **in Wordle tiles** “SNORE” [Run Time 15:31] Mug: A-Jack-U-Lator aka A Jackal doing Calculations, now reading “A Jackulator”
Pizza Hatz (Official), cardboard intact, appears for the second week in a row
Cannes: How do you pronounce it?
Air Bud Discourse feat. John Oliver Digital Exclusive: The gist: Air Bud was a turning point in the history of cinema
re: John’s Oliver’s Digital Exclusive…Seth feels a 15 minute Digital Exclusive dedicated to the Air Bud franchise is disrespectful of an audience’s time…
Kimmel got his soup
Regarding grammar (less/fewer): “It’s always the opposite”
Allegedly, Seth’s dresser, Donna, has a vindictive side when it comes to on-air late night comedy wardrobe.
Regardless, Seth’s celebrity shows through when it comes to dressing himself i.e. failure to remove the shape-preserving frontal cardboard from his Pizza Hatz. It’s giving “I don’t go to the grocery store” ….. (See keyword “grocery” starting Week of 3/7)
Seth golf claps for the Jackals who now tweet him their Wordle score everyday. He. Don’t. Care.
Royalty, titles, pomp, and a tangent that began with Lassie I guess?
MTS is anti-monarchy
Timeline of THIS bit: Lassie joke→Lassie canonical corrections→Mandela Effect→Sherlock Holmes example→British titles (living versus inherited) in regards to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle→Bit about the Queen, knighthood ceremonies, and corpses.
Graphics errors
Creative Control: Joke Writer versus Joke Describer
Seth imagined a spouse doing dishes from the couch, using a long stick with a sponge attachment. Graphics gave him this:
Cred: LNSM: Graphics Department (doubtful anyone wants to claim this one)/YouTube
What I think Seth pictured…a la moi
See, the problem was that Seth said stick in the joke when he should have turned to his comic book vocabulary, using a more precise term i.e. telescoping rod, bo staff, or collapsible bo staff.
Giuliani Graphics errors
Attempt #2 at removing the cardboard from his Pizza Hatz
Seth revisits his Emmy-winning peer’s Digital Exclusive, scoffing at Oliver’s disregard for his crew’s time…"like they don’t have kids.”
Disney adults (u going on a watchlist sweetie)
Werner (Herzog)’s Original: a good Herzog impression needs “whispered tones” and “desperate curiosity”
Seth scratched a joke referring to “Klaus Kinski’s Fitz-Caramel-Dos”
A niche, almost step-parent worthy quip: Fitzcarraldo
Burn Boys: They got a lot wrong. You CAN put an apostrophe following an acronym. Seth tried to apologize, but they give themselves the week off after every “‘Ya Burnt”
International Where’s Waldo discourse
Wally was a vocal defender of New Jersey and her trees this week and was rewarded as such:
Rare LNSM fan art. Cred: LNSM/YouTube
Seth remarked that Wally probably only got the second tree to hang up a hammock (re: NBCUniversal Respect in the Workplace Seminar, Lounging after Covid tests)
Seth successfully extracts the Pizza Hatz shape preserving cardboard only to find a nine of diamonds. (See week of 3/7. Keywords: Magician, Chris Angel, Celebrity, Las Vegas
“See me next week”
Week of 6/6: Message “JKL” [Run Time: 14:50] Mug: Cartoon Jackal wearing overalls and a construction hat holding a hazard sign that reads “UNDER CONSTRUCTION” (Week 4)
More on the Burn Boys’ mistakes
Sal is prepping for when SCOTUS overturns Kramer v. Kramer
Kramer riff that I don’t understand because I don’t really know what he’s talking about
Seth worked at video store as a teen. Adult males were uncomfortable asking him for the porn binder
Wally fan art from last week wasn't really fan art…it’s a meme. He got real art this week.
Internet settles on Wally “Two Trees” as his official Corrections alter ego. Seth lists other alter-ego nicknames:
Mikey the Shoe
Tank-top Scollins
15-16 different Riley-s
J. Ackles ≠ Jackals (Jenson Ackles—guest from the week)
Bad Picasso joke a la Jackals, Bad Cannes/pronunciation callback a la Meyers
Seth defines a distinct subset of Jackal: the Joke-al, a Jackal who submits jokes via comments
In reference to Werner’s Originals (“Klaus Kinski’s Fitz-Caramel-Dos”), a Jackal submitted “Nosfera-Chews”…pretty good
Another “Joke-al” remarked, in regards to Seth’s “Dresser Extraordinaire,” Donna: “You need a dresser?! Do you also have a changing table?!”…also a fair hit —> Joke-al now in ORANGE on the Corrections Graph
Graphics put Seth’s not-so-buff fireman likeness on a calendar, but messed up the days of the week part.
There is a fake LNSM-bot account in the YouTube comments, and it’s finally not me!! That’s what we call progress ladies and gents.
The veterinarian community’s thinking on dog years has changed since the simple days of the 7 years rule. There is a song to help remember it to the tune of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”.
It’s basically like 15 for the first year, then 7, then 5 for the rest. (Small dogs age slower)
Seth points out that this means in a few years Samberg will be older than Frisbee: I did some math but I’m not sure if it solves anything: Samberg(44)+a few years(x) = 15 + 7 + 5(years old-2)
AirBud: A Jackal went to school with a member of the volleyball team from Air Bud: Spikes Back
I’m curious if this means the Jackal knows an actor who played a volleyball player on a fake volleyball team for Air Bud: Spikes Back OR he knows someone specially recruited for their volleyball skills for this cinematic endeavor.
“You erred, Bud” earns some pronunciation corrections…via the Cambridge English Dictionary and “American rapper, Nelly,” Seth continues “that’s the most just for Shoemaker joke I’ve ever made.” Seth claims Nelly corroborates the pronunciation of ere. Seth responds, “are you share?”.
Seth begins coming around to the idea that Conservative media might not be engaging with his work.
Matthew McConaughey sent a fancy bottle of whiskey to the studio after Seth took a shot during the show. Although the note said it was for when the news is too much (and celebrating the show’s good work etc), Seth remains skeptical, convinced McConaughey is only interested in the same brand exposure afforded to Pizza Hut. Seth toasts McConaughey (for his gun reform(ish) conversations in DC) and Jackals for making it another week.
Next week is 50 episodes…predictions to come.
Week of 6/13: Message N/A [Run Time 20:22] Mug: Cartoon Jackal wearing overalls and a construction hat holding a hazard sign that reads “UNDER CONSTRUCTION” (Week 5)
Corrections: Episode 50!! (I did not receive an invite which is like…fine. But it hurts.) Yesterday I was going to post a list of predictions but, it stopped being funny as soon as I opened a new document. Here’s what it looked like before it got slashed:
The J.A.C.K.A.L. origin story involves Seth and MTS (duh)
someone accidentally called Shoemaker “Buttermaker”…Seth reveals MTS actually named his drunk alter ego “Buttermaker” (MTS hasn’t gone “Buttermaker” since the Winter Olympics leg incident)
Erkel x MTS impression
“Speaking of Buttermaker…If you think 1976’s Bad News Bears is a movie you can show your kids today, I’ve got some bad news, bears. I don’t think you could even show them the trailer.” (OVER MY HEAD)
“Legos” was a NYT MiniCrossword answer…one of the corrections that started it all.
Tin Tin, pronounced as it looks, is not the correct ~French~ pronunciation…it is “Ton Ton” according to Jackals and the third week of the William Shatner clip callback (from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
The “Nosfera-Chews” Jackal (Joke-al) received 2 compliments and a correction: Nosferatu was the title of the movie, Count Orlok was the original character
Seth yes-ands the corrections with General Mills’ long forgotten (short-lived) product: Count Chorlokula
Cholula vs. Tabasco
Best Case, Worst Case, then one with Bees
Graphics misinterprets bees blocking out the sun for bees swarming the sun.
Much like the Burn Boys, Best Case writer, Jermaine also only had 18 months to complete a draft of this sketch.
Someone suggests a punch up for Wally ‘TwoTrees’ Feresten → Wally Paulnuts
another suggestion: Mikey ‘NoSleeves’ Scollins
Goodfellas impression listing crew names: “We had a pretty great crew…Wally Paulnuts, Mikey NoSleeves, Buttermaker, and Jermaine Refuses2GoogleBeeFacts…we called him that because he refused to Google Bee facts”
Mikey ‘NoSleeves’ Scollins: Made a joke implying that Big Bird was used to make the World’s Largest Chicken Nugget. Jackals flag Big Bird as a canary not a chicken. To this, Seth tips off regular-folk that chicken nuggets…not 100% chicken.
Everywhere but America uses a calendar that starts on Monday. Seth wants to know if other countries have sexy fire fighter calendars…he wants a poll…only for people outside the US
Paul Revere borrowed the horse he used on his midnight ride and never gave it back. CANCELED
Pizza Hut sent LNSM free pizza..awwww
Little Caesars replaced Pizza Hut as the official pizza of the NFL
Seth hopes that Pizza Hut gave up their NFL gig to sponsor his show. More specifically, he does not want to live in a world where someone (Little Caesars) out-pizza-ed the hut…
LNSM and PH are in talks for official sponsorship deals. PH intrigued by Corrections’ 50-episode no concussion streak.
Concussion (2015), starring Will Smith as a doctor who spread awareness about head trauma…foreshadowing
@LitteCaesars-PR (Personal Relations): Your NFL sponsorship deal press release was entirely too long.
Impression Camp DOES NOT offer OJ-seminar anymore
Murch Madness: Seth teases merch in about a month but begs Jackals to actually buy it…he does not want to end up with Lauer stuff at the NBC Experience store.
Someone wants Seth to “correct” the Republican Party… honestly I’m offended FOR Comrade Sal Gentile.
Episode 51 is billed as either the Spec-Jackular or Jack-tacular…Seth promises market research a la Peacock. In regards to #51, Seth says “It’s gunna be big.
Promises to be true to his no live animals policy even though it means weeks of practice and shelling out for CGI
“YOU will SEE ME, next week!”
The Speckjackular: A Celebration of CORRECTIONS! (Week of 6/20) Message “Special Thanks Isabel P.” [Run Time 21:42] Mug: N/A
'“Jacktacular” was one of the pornographic videos rented at the video store where Seth worked as a teen. (callback)
If you’re new here, this episode is not for you. Just go ahead and scroll to the top. (also this is not an official episode of Corrections, rather a Celebration of 50 episodes of Corrections)
Emmy Discourse: OSFCDOVS (Category for regular Corrections) vs. OVSPR: Outstanding Variety Special Pre-Recorded (Category for The Specjackular)
Seth advocates for disenfranchising Jackals (for Emmy voting and across the board)
Callback Cameo1: Jeff Goldblum
poignant reminder that Goldblum impressions are “up here” as compared to throat-ier Vaugns and Wilsons.
Seth loves a good portmanteau (koozie)
Count Chorlokula Graphic used image of 1979 the character “Dracula” instead of the 1922 Nosferatu played by Max Schreck (also featuring a Shrek x Graphics Department joke)
Celebrity Cameo2: Werner Herzog (didn’t really seem to understand the bit)
Middle-American Jackal does not appreciate NY-based humor
Celebrity Cameo3: Joel Edgerton of Tiny Secret Whispersmakes a rare appearance as part of the TSW Emmy campaign
Titanic isn’t a ship or a boat. It’s a submarine (Joke-al of the week)
Tin Tin/Ton Ton/Wrath of Khan pronunciation debates now include a Star Wars crossover: Tin Tin reimagined as a tauntaun (Star Wars: Episode V-The Empire Strikes Back)
Celebrity Cameo4: French teacher and celebrity mother Hilary Meyers, sends correct Cannes pronunciation…nope just another William Shatner Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan callback.
NOTE: Of the first four celebrity cameos, Hilary Meyers’ (with director and co-executive producer Larry Meyers) Specjackular submission has had the best production value.
More bee corrections (apologies to Jermaine, who apparently had a much harder job than Seth originally assumed)
Jackals infiltrating compliments too (same bro, I got hit with light motif/leitmotif)
Celebrity Cameo5: Patty Lyons (of the Grand Knitting Nightmare) delivers a reminder that sewing ≠ knitting. The Seth vs. Yarn-head Alliance maintain an uncomfortable cease fire
Paul Revere only famous because of the historically inaccurate Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poem, “Paul Revere’s Ride”….Seth seems to think Longfellow was too lazy to find a rhyme for Prescott
Celebrity Cameo6: Nathan Lane—mad at agent for making him send in the video during Cicada, Cicada rehearsals
Celebrity Cameo7: Christine Baranski—complains that rehearsals are a not going well, the show doesn’t have a second act, and the songs are catchy…but in a chlamydia way, more than a hit Broadway show-way
mispronounces (not part of the bit) Cicada, Cicada as Cicada (as in he bug), Cicada (as in the bug) instead of Cicada (as in the bug) Cicada (as in Jon Secada).
Celebrity Cameo8: Harvey Fierstein—rehearsals are a nightmare, complains that Nathan and Christine are stealing his thing (being a lot), wishes Jackals everywhere a happy 50th
Seth admits to only pursuing an entertainment career for a Ben & Jerry’s flavor. (Week of 4/19)
Celebrity Cameo9: Ben and Jerry (of the ice cream) send in a video celebrating fifty episodes of Corrections AND their newest flavor, “James Corden’s Carpool Choclaoke”
Seth receives his peer’s special pint and sullenly admits it is very good
Celebrity Cameo10: Oscar winner, Al Pacino, “never stop jackal-in’…How was that? What do you mean the camera’s off?! Aw man. They’ll know it’s me. Who are they gunna think it is? The guy from Barry!! Gimme a break.”
Seth gives thanks: Alex and the guys in the booth, Devin (clips), Tara (graphics), Ellen and her team (props), Jimmy (backstage), Buck (laughing camera man), Eric and Dana (wardrobe), Lederman (upload), and all the Jackals (SPECIAL THANKS ISABEL P)
No thanks to Pizza Hut who did not respond when approached about official sponsorship
No thanks to Wally…Seth reminds everyone that there are no cue-cards in Corrections and he “does juuuuussstttt fine”
WE MADE IT BABBBYYYYYYY Cred: LNSM/YouTube
dont really know what to do with myself … is this ego death? no. more like ego confusion.
Celebrity Cameo11: Chris Angel (Mind Freak) gives Seth his NINE OF DIAMONDS (Week of 3/17)
Being upstaged sux. F u SCOTUS, you(as in the skanky six) musty ass bigots.
Week of 6/27: Message “#51! Hit the Ground Walking!” [Run Time 16:16] Mug: Cartoon Jackal wearing overalls and a construction hat holding a hazard sign that reads “UNDER CONSTRUCTION” (Week 7)
A Note on THE note re: notoriety: Ok “Jackals,” why are only like six of you curious about who Isabel P is??? She is me, I am she!! She is on Twitter and doesn’t quite expect fame, but maybe a few hundred new Masterdoc viewers…I mean, come ON!! If I didn’t know someone mentioned BY NAME on the Corrections message, I would like to think I would do a little fucking digging.
Seth reviews the basics of counting and disses Peacock
Hangover Part III diss
“ Koozie” is a portmanteau of “cozy” and “beer”
Joke-al of the Week: “Donald Trump would probably call Billy Chestnut, Billy Hotdog.” Incredible…just incredible
Week to week, Seth has gotten a little more dramatic each time he checks off a topic.
Rabies: exposure, diagnosis, treatment, and care
Graphics Department: 4 different bags of meth vs. one bag of meth resized 4 times
Seth claims he laid them (four different sized meth baggies) out at the studio where “A Closer Look” editorial shoots are held but someone took them. He suspects the cue-card crew (Wally?!!) after another 4 replacement bags went missing, because he saw them in a spotless (usually messy) office, taking apart Sharpies and putting them back together
“You’re not first” -Seth Meyers
Writers continue not checking their work
Seth believes he can trick a certain former mayor into sending a Cameo addressing Jackals. Unforchhhh, said mayor is in some legal trouble right now and is thus, not actively making Cameos.
Giuliani Joke: He looks like an animal in the Reptile House (showed image of a frog)
Sal knew this but didn’t want to lose the comedy of the term: Reptile House
Seth pitches more houses at zoos…not a zoo with roofs, suburban homes for animals inside zoos
Reggie Cantrell: working actor, Mountain Lion, improviser, Borat-voice enthusiast, proficient in French, Spanish, and Bobcat dialects
Seth apologizes for hiring a Mountain Lion (with no lived Bobcat experience or roots) for a Bobcat’s ADR position
Reggie did not like the headphones and seems to have put the LNSM audio guy in the hospital
Graphics Department: Flubbed a Wordle graphic because they don’t play. Not shy about telling Seth that Wordle is for insufferable dorks. **shut the door slowly on his face**
Facetime with Andy!: We address the much noticed absence of an Andy Samberg call last week→ Seth explains it was too much of a wild card to include in the ever so important event.
Paul Revere didn’t say “The British are coming!” probably “The Regulars…”
William Wordsworth IS NOT the same as “Paul Revere’s Ride” poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow→Seth claims the 18th century poet’s guild wasn’t keen on people having similar names
1896: Helen F. Moore is PISSED that Wadsworth rewrote Revolutionary History for the sake of an easier rhyme. Instead of just getting mad, she did something about: writing, “The Midnight Ride of William Dawes”
I am a wandering, bitter shade, Never of me was a hero made; Poets have never sung my praise, Nobody crowned my brow with bays; And if you ask me the fatal cause, I answer only, "My name was Dawes"
'Tis all very well for the children to hear Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere; … As I rode, with never a break or a pause; But what was the use, when my name was Dawes!
History rings with his silvery name; Closed to me are the portals of fame. Had he been Dawes and I Revere, No one had heard of him, I fear. No one has heard of me because He was Revere and I was Dawes
Chilling, really
Scholars believe the Moore’s middle initial, F, stood for “Fuck Paul Revere”
“See me, [in] 3 weeks.”
Week of 7/18: Message n/a [Run Time 13:21] Mug: n/a (really embracing the Summer Corrections of it all, I see)
Seth’s favorite portmanteau (subcategory: beer) = when you have a beer with your fiancé = Kelly Rowland
Avatar takes place on a moon not a planet…Seth worries he is going to forget his Na’Vi before he makes it back to Pandora because Avatar 2 is taking a long ass time. He notes that it is hard for humans to live on the moon, Pandora, because it’s Pandora with Ads (Alexi’s parents’ streaming service of choice)
Sidney Powell and Diet Dr. Pepper versus (joke) Mussolini drinking Fanta
Fanta’s history has a ~German element~
Fanta est. 1940 (Germany) thanks to American trade embargo. They were at war but still needed their soda pop. (Coca-Cola issued 75th anniversary glass bottles and ads celebrating “the good ol’ times”…They later pulled the ads as 1940s Germany is not remembered ~BY MOST~ as “the good ol’ times”.)
Seth lists the things we got out of Nazi Germany: VW cars, Fanta, and the US Space Program
Fanta pronunciation joke: “sorry mein führer”
Seth also does corrections “on” his kids: Meyers kiddos are lucky in that they know all 4 grandparents, because their mom's grandparents didn’t get to know theirs as they were victims of the Holocaust, or “died in the war” as Seth put it. His son asked if they were soldiers and their mom said, “No, not all people who die in war are soldiers.”. He responded “Oh, were they drummers?”…
Rabies: A Jackal was bitten multiple times by mice they found in a sack of grain. They had to get shots everyday for 2 weeks. (Seth wonders about the multiple bites of it all…seems like you shouldn’t keep going after the first bite)
Rabies testing no longer calls for cutting off the head. It’s like a lot of other smaller swabs and stuff and a spinal tap which is painful but not a guillotine. Seth suggests watching out for “old school” rabies doctors
Scollins wrote the two unaccredited jokes from Surprise Inspection (Lawyer pointing to “Exhibit D” and Mac Tonight—moon headed McDonalds mascot of yore—doing cocaine
Seth infers that Mac Tonight, like Fanta, has an authoritarian origin story, having been a creation of Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge
damn, history deep cut
Jackal Question: Has Wally considered acting? He has a very expressive face.
Seth, Answer: Mhhm (yes)
Corrections is Emmy nominated…more to come on that via missing f
Seth doesn’t know who to vote for. When he is able to rewatch everything he will politic …. he does not know yet for whom.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow re: “Paul Revere’s Ride” historical inaccuracy
Unverified Jackal explanation: Longfellow wrote the poem to get into Revere’s granddaughter’s (maybe grandniece’s) pants
Seth: “If that’s true Henry, I hope you got your wads worth.” (a joke about ejaculation)
Mugs: Seth B. Worried that mugs won’t “move” in the NBCUniversal Experience store. Our fearless (not-business-educated) leader estimated that if 300,000 people watch Corrections, about 150,000 would buy mugs. His business educated friends said this was a bad estimate. Seth implores Jackals to, when the time is right, maybe buy one for you…and a friend.
A note on murch: Considering the dismal (I mean truly 6th grader reading The Odyssey) level of post-Specjackular curiosity into “Isabel P.”, I’m worried we (me and you, Seth) have cultivated a far too passive fan base. (More people should have been curious about Isabel P. ALSO did you know someone took my idea?! YA. And, to rub it in, it’s like a real website…not just a shitty substack…meaning they are PAYING for a domain name and—at least to some extent—know how to code. That’s a double f u (to me). One, for the idea (and executing it in a more user friendly manner). And, two: STEM privilege. I’m bruised. The previous statement was made in a fit of rage. @Latenightist did not take my idea, we are just two exceptional gals with a lot of time on our hands. As long as she doesn’t one day sell to Meta or Haliburton(🤪)—cause in that case I’m going full Winklevi on their ass
Week of 8/1/2022: Message (brought to you by YouTube user Byron Echeverria, because mamma has bad eyes and limited insurance): “I said my favorite portmanteau was the word for when you have a beer with your fiancée which is called a Kelly Rowland. A portmanteau blends the sounds and the combines the meanings of two other words. If you took the "Be" from "beer" and the "ancee" from "fiancée" you would have "Beyonce," but rather than say that I used a comedic technique called a misdirect and instead said "Kelly Rowland." This was VERY funny because she was also in Destiny's child. Are you happy now? Was that satisfying?" [Run Time: 14:05] Mug (Official Murch): Cartoon Jackal Typing on computer/Late Night with Correction Jackals
Jeez. Ok, here’s the deal. The unofficial NBC mug apparently went on sale last week but it was like NBC’s shitty graphics department instead of the marginally better Jackal choice. I thought about claiming fraud (#notMYmug) but it didn’t even end up mattering because apparently the mugs sold out online by 9AM AND if you think I’m going to drag my ass to Rockefeller center into the NBCUniversal Experience store on a Friday in August (for the Eric Adams of mugs),,, you are sorely mistaken
(Portmanteau) Summer + Corrections = Sumerections
Seth notes that Corrections gets easier after the summer, “Sumerections are hard” (Command+F “Blue humor” for background)
moved on from koozie. thank god
Seth addresses his Covid diagnosis noting that the CDC has become real laissez faire with guidelines
DJ also played the fish in Shape of Water…actually he books the house down - boy b.i.z.i (haha filet’o fish joke)
apparently a Guillermo del Torro fav
also in Pan’s Labyrinth
Rudy G. Married His (second) Cousin: Seth apologizes to Rudy and the “daughter of his first cousin” for saying they played the song “Wonder” at the wedding. “Wonder” came out in 1977, their wedding was, of course, in 1968.
1968 = marrying cousin still not cool
Online photoshop wasn’t a thing for Seth and MTS. Instead, they would go to their “friendly neighborhood photoshop and do it all by hand.” (not just email Tara)
Seth’s Celebrity Story Time (sarcastic): Johnny Carson had to do all of his photoshop by hand. He would go to Friendly Photoshop down in Burbank.
annoying Frosty v. Ice Cream discourse
ANOTHER joke about why Avatar 2 has taken 12 years to make. 6 years to Pandora + 6 years back to Earth = Joke-al of the week: “In James Cameron’s defense they’ve been shooting on location.”
Kelly Rowland (go back and watch again)
Emmys Discourse
Seth suggests new Emmy category because 118 isn’t enough: “Best Line Reading (Pronunciation) of a Word I Had Never Heard Pronounced That Way Before” NOMINEES: Molly Shannon and Jennifer Coolidge (just watch the damn video)
“If you’re curious about who I’m voting for…in the words of Bob Dylan, “It’s not me lady,” it’s Tim Robinson.
Seth suggest Coffin Flop. I suggest The Capital Room
NBC Execs told Seth LNSM needed to take August off because summer TV viewers want F-boy Island…not this [LNSM]. NBC does not consider Scollins “F-boy material”
kind of funny though because according to the fat cats over at Discovery+ (the real arbiters of taste😑🥱nawt) the people either don’t want or don’t deserve programming like F-boy Island…or MILF Island…or Celebrity Homonym surprisingly they are really pushing for another Bitch Hunter remake. AND, they took Samurai I Amurai off HBOMax. CRIMINAL. Discovery+, “you booger face! I’m gonna kill you with a bazooka!”
Murch Madness (Mug Saga): Q: How Hard is it to Make a Mug?? A: Remarkably.
The drama: Supposed to be in store after Week of 7/18 Corrections, but it got delayed. The next week a totally different Corrections mug was available in NBCUniversal Experience store. - it was later taken down
Etsy Jackals sell their own mugs. One of them even has a hieroglyph of a pharaoh which is a truly deep cut.
Questions about pine cones and binder clips / general product staging….Seth doesn’t understand why his gigantic parent corporation takes longer for mug turn around than Etsy dealers. A: Drop shipping my man
I think Seth is sending me a message via 11:32 when he shows the mug and says “there are truly no right answers” … you’re right Seth, these [mugs] ain’t it. Many of you will understand what I mean when I say:
ITYSL (S2 E2)
Summer Muggin’(Grease): Tell me less, tell me less
Creative Arts Emmys Rundown: Corrections - loser; I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson - loser; Tim Robinson - winner; Carpool Karaoke - winner; hacky celebrity ass kissing - winner; MTS in LA - loser; green juice - loser; Donna from wardrobe - winner; Bronx formal - winner; fashion - loser (@MTS, don’t worry, next time I’ve got you covered)
Eminem also an Emmy winner. He is now an EGO, only missing a Tony for the title. Seth suggested Dear Evan Hansen as a T-worthy-vehicle
Eminem wouldn’t be T eligible in DEH unless it was a revival, says theater kids/jackals (likely one and the same).
Seth suggests a new show called Dear Evan, Stan’s Son about an alternate take on the Stan saga. Stan dies but his girlfriend was already pregnant. She had the baby, Evan, and now Eminem, feeling guilty that he never wrote back to the now dead Stan, befriends the son of his departed friend (Evan).
Cicada, Cicada is going BAD (ask Christine Baranski…on LNSM), Seth is not Lin Manuel Miranda…he does not have time for a new project. DESS is just an idea.
Seth ALSO doesn’t know what to do if the Mets actually go to the world series because “it’s the WHOLE Third Act.”
Cicada, Cicada UPDATE: It is a FOUR ACT Musical, the last quarter is a pre-vetted Q&A
Titanic semantics: If there was an underwater survivor, “do you bring ‘em up? Or would it be too jarring?”
…Speaking of the Ocean… we’ll hear about it next week
See 8/1/22 Bob Dylan joke (It’s Not Me Lady from the album, Bob Dylan But This Time From the Left)
Rudy G. Married his (Second) Cousin: Lots of lineage and title discussion. Albert Einstein’s second wife was his first cousin. No children. PHEwww.
LOTR: The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power - killer title
Seth can’t watch because he is a 48 year old man
Murch Madness: Mugs still available. Best selling NBC.com mug EVER
examples of poorly selling mugs (Chicago Mug, To Catch a Predator, picture of Keith Morrison drinking out of mug with a picture of Keith Morrison drinking out of a mug…)
1,369 UNITS (which means mugs) sold
59 mugs sold in-store…tbh thinking about going today. updates to come
LNSM Writer Seth Reiss suggested Seth(Meyers) read his acceptance speech for the Emmy he did not win during Corrections. Unforch, he was already planning to do that but could not bare sharing credit with a creature so lowly as a writer (head writer at the Onion and screenwriter…ooh lala). THE EGO ON THIS MAN IS INSANE FOR SOMEONE WHO ONLY HAS A SINGULAR E TO HIS NAME.
Seth (Meyers) posits that he never tried to make 2017’s Act-athalon allll about him.
Actually, Seth (Reiss) co-wrote the screenplay for a movie called The Menu. Seth(Meyers) gave him a little symbolic kiss on the cheek/congratulations. Seth(Meyers) also congratulated Seth(Reiss)’s co-writer, Will Tracy, while jabbing again at his underling “assuming [Tracy] has the patience of Job.” The Menu premiers this weekend at TIFF
Will Tracy writes on Succession and used to write on Last Week Tonight… AKA, he likely knows how it feels to use his (multiple) Emmy(s) as tasteful bookends.
Reiss talking a big game about making friends with the cast. Seth has his doubts because he keeps saying Ralph Phee-in-es. (kind of like penis with a PH).
This bit also operated as a reminder to LNSM writers that Corrections is Seth’s thing and nobody else’s. GOT IT?!
** I HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE WRITERS/CREATORS/PRODUCERS ETC OF The Menu: Did you write the role with Nicholas Hoult AKA Tony from Skins AKA “Nux” from Mad Max: Fury Road in mind? Just curious. **
“YOU, will see ME next week.
Week of 9.12.22: Message N/A [Run Time 10:18] Mug: Chicago Mug
Title Card: God Save Corrections
Week of 9/12/22 ON AIR Content: Impression-based comedy fan, writer, and director Kevin Smith appeared on LNSM Tuesday (9/13):
The editorial staff at missing f drafted a response to what might be the ONLY segment tailor-made for Masterdoc usage, but it was so bad—it was borderline offensive, really—that management had to step in. The second they received an ounce of criticism the room erupted into tears, demonstrating their fragile ego and inability to separate themselves from their work. Upon investigation, HR found that a keyboard malfunction that has now cost our team an F-key and a J-key (important keys) is at least partly to blame for their meltdown. In an effort to preserve this publication’s integrity and capitalize on potentially confused viewers, management has released the following statement:
The editorial staff asked for their list to be repeated to encourage actual investigation:
Sloth; Bane; seminar; homeopathic; Latin; Pacino; Buddy; Loki; Vaughn; Wedding Crashers; Wedding Crashers 2; Owen Wilson; MyPillow; CEO; Lindell; The Super Fans; Mel; Shoemaker; Taskmaster; Herzog; taintamount; Kevin Smith; Judy Bloom; Samberg; Roland Gift; Gentleman; Judge; Southern; boogers; A Street Car Named De-Liar
Thank you for your understanding in this time of grief.
…Speaking of Oceans (last week): Peeing on a Jellyfish sting won’t make it stop hurting. Seth debunks the remedy, explaining the myth originated with Jaques Cousteau on his [cue the graphic missing from last week] “short-lived 1960s prank show Jacque’d.”
Henry Winkler didn’t steal “The Fonzie jacket” because he actually sourced (ie stole) the jacket from a previous film set (Lords of Flatshbush). (So he stole the Lords of Flatbush jacket from the Happy Days set????)
Winkler brought in the jacket because he didn’t think the original red windbreaker was cool enough for Fonzie
HOWEVER Winkler recently auctioned off the jacket for This Is About Humanity
Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli is either Fonzie or The Fonze, never “The Fonzie”
The Fonzie was from the Russian re-make of Happy Days: This Days, While Not Happy, Are Still Days
An independent baseball team called the New Jersey Jackals, exists
Seth got a bobble head that will always agree with him. The bobble head is rumored to be a new Executive Producer
Mezcal, not tequila, has moth larvae in it.
Graphics Error: Life Expectancy of American men
Pronunciation: Nobel laureate
Hardees in Mankato: Minnesota town, Owa-toh-na is pronounced Owa-ton-a
“Jack-in-the-Box in Oconomowoc” was a ~we’re not going to let the facts get in the way of our fiction~ situation. LNSM Producer Emily, in fact, flagged that there is no Jack-in-the-Box in Oconomowoc but it was “too fun to say”
Jack-in-the-Box in Oconomowoc came from Alex Baze, who reportedly raised from his usual walking dead like existence to pitch the joke.
Oconomowoc is in Wisconsin but I’m sure someone has already caught that
Seth notes that the joke is very Johnny Carson-like
Titanic air-bubble survivor situation: Turns out the scenario, which Seth dubbed a perfect screenplay, has already been made: 1981’s Goliath Awaits
MTS hasn’t seen it
Plot: oceanographers find survivors in a air-bubble shipwreck situation
Seth teases more clips in future Corrections
A Jackal floated the idea that based on Seth’s use of the phrase “our monarch,” he outed himself as British spy. He sheds his late-night-Joe-shmoe persona, revealing he is, in fact, a British spy—a British spy who speaks like a British guy playing a Nazi in almost every WWII period piece.
he opts “to go out with the Queens,” pouring himself a glass of Beefeater gin and dipping a tea bag in it.
“If this is it, I guess I’ll just go home and collect my TWINNINGS”
yikes
“See me next week.”
Week of 9.19.22: Message “Quit your twining!” [Run Time 13:31] Mug: GOLISETH AWAITS, featuring image of deep-sea-explorer Seth Meyers
Title Card: CORREISSTIONS
Larvae (plural), Larva (singular)
Goliath Awaits stars Robert Forster not Robert Forrester
Forster also starred in Jackie Brown (1997)
No more GA clips in Corrections due to ongoing legal trouble between Larry White productions and LNSM
Goliath Awaits was originally 200 min., VHS only 110 min… How did they get a 110 min. script to 200 min., you might ask? They had (Seth) Reiss do a pass. **Baddum CHhhh**
Reiss’ movie, The Menu, is getting really good reviews
Vanity Fair says, “The Menu is not what you’d expect — it’s better”
Clouds aren’t made from “da air” they are made from water droplets
Seth poses it isn’t fair to correct something he says in character…especially Mike Lindell. The character really gets behind the wheel. Honestly, it’s exhausting for our plaid-clad host.
Costco doesn’t sell giant tubs of cheeseballs, revealing that Seth is not in fact a Costco shopper. Is it because of his status as a member of the coastal liberal elite? or because in NY you have to choose between shopping in bulk and having a sink?
machinations vs. maCHinations
Seth knows it’s the latter but avoids saying Mac in case he summons Mac the Night (McDonald’s character/monster) (scarier than Ethan Hawke in The Black Phone, probably
Trump’s Saudi golf tournament is sponsored by LIV not L.I.V.
Seth apologizes for offending the Saudi royal family, especially M.B.S… “excuse me, Mbss”
Ariel (hard A) vs Ariel (soft A) pronunciation. Seth’s sister in law is named Ariel (soft a) and slapped Seth when he called her Arial (hard a)… “which is funny because she’s more of an Ursula.”
Seth sings, “this is why it’s great that no-one in my family watches Corrections…They don’t even know it’s a thing!”
LOTR: It’s unfair to lump all LOTR fans with the people pissed about black elves — rather they are bigots mad about LOTR.
Only safe thing to assume about ALL LOTR fans, “they never get bored.”
Black lesbians, in a double negative situation, are actually very honest
Twinings not Twinnings tea
The queen drank Gordon’s gin, not Beefeater
hmm…Vegan
Pizza Hut/Hatz: Seth reads an ad for Pizza Hut’s Detroit style pizza (it’s back!)
Seth thinks brands would have good luck swaying Jackals to consume their products
He anticipates a bidding war
Joke-al of the Week: Instead of the name Jacque’d for Jaques Cousteau’s prank show it should be Jacque-ass (all marine themed pranks) Incredible work.
The song “Going the Distance” (The Distance) by CAKE was on the album Fashion Nugget, not their later album Prolonging the Magic
Graphics revealed that LNSM Producer, Kate, is a hugge Cake Fan and demanded they use the Prolonging the Magic cover for the joke
You can legally drive a golf cart on the highway in Florida as long as it can reach the minimum speed of 40 mph
“The Fonzie” is impossible in Russia because Russian doesn’t have a word for the article “the”…instead it would be something like Only Fonzie, which also tracks for the Russian knockoff
Joke-al writes lyrics to Happy Days: This Days, While Not Happy, Are Still Days: [Russian accent] ♪ Sunday, Monday, these are days ♪
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, also days ♪
♪ Thursday, Friday, again, are days ♪
♪ No weekends, work begins ♪
♪ Stalin is great for you ♪
♪ These days are devoid of joy ♪
♪ That's every day ♪
(MTS not paying attention. Mouth wide open) (Seth clarifies this refers to the “not fun” days of Russia)
“Why don’t you… see me next week!”
Week of 9/26: Message “It’s Jost Not Fair” [Run Time 13:57] Mug: Cartoon Jackal Typing on computer/Late Night with Correction Jackals (Mug available at NBCUniversal Experience Online Store)
Title Card: #NotanAd
In this week’s Corrections Timeline I took the liberty of marking Herzog/Waltz/Malkovich thanks to this little diddy. In response to Seth’s second attempt at making it on the Great White Way (his new one-man show, “Waiting For Go-D’oh”), I’ve also checked the “Cicada, Cicada” box.
They’re calling it the next KATE
Fans of The Shining really want to clarify that the power is called “the Shine” the title is The Shining
The 2011 White House Correspondents Dinner did not happen when Seth was a kid. It happened when he was 37 “that’s old as shit lol”
Canadian thermostat was in degrees it should have been in Celsius
Seth reminds Canadian fans that the Queen is dead. It’s FINE if they switch
Elmer’s Glue NOT made out of horse as implied by the Burn Bros’ segment, Ya Burnt
Polyvinyl Glycol IS in Elmer’s Glue and IS made out of Shetland ponies
Last week was sponsored by Pizza Hut. Seth assumed this week there would be a bidding war…. nothin
Jacques Cousteau’s prank show would’ve been on France’s only channel until 1975. Seth claims this is why so many French people take up a mistress. Seth, imitating a French person pre-1975 (in French translated into English): “The Six Million Dollar Man?!”
Fall doesn’t have a solstice, it has an equinox. Spring doesn’t have a solstice either…it has a Planet Fitness…haha
Seth credits this one to Alex Baze
The very Trustworthy Wanda Sykes: Seth said anything she says you can take to the grave. The phrase is take to the bank, but Seth claims that ACTUALLY he keeps his money in a grave (his grandmother’s). His grandmother’s last words? “I LOVE MONEY”
At least one person did walk into a NYC store wielding an ax, proving Donny John T. Correct on at least one account
NY Post headline: Ax wielding madman runs amok in NYC McDonald’s — and nobody was loving it
Seth notes, the NY Post “keeps people terrified about crime, but also we real good at puns.”
The man was apprehended, Seth adds, “by a good guy with an ax”
McDonalds Characters: The scary costumed banana split character is not Mac the Knife, it is called MacTonight. He verified this via the Epstein Flight Logs
Editorializing, our fearless leader sings, “If you like French Fries, come in my basement”
Steelers Jets game is this weekend (SM will be in attendance despite the Steelers’ rough start of the season)
Kenny Coyle (crew) bets Seth: If the Jets win, you’ve got to mention it on the show. If the Steeler’s win, I will wear a Steeler’s half shirt on the show.
LOTR: Clarification, if you have an issue with Black hobbits, YOU ARE A BIGOT.
Blonde features use of the term “jackal”
If you send these to Seth, he would appreciate you also send over the legal permission to use it
Scandinavian countries DO NOT THINK HIGHLY OF EACH OTHER
Seth’s Celebrity Story Time: Once while there on vacation, Seth was told by the Swedes not to go to Finland and by the Fins not to go to Estonia. He didn’t end up going to Estonia because Colin Jost was too hung over and made them miss their ferry. So thanks to Colin Seth has never seen Estonia. Jost, “America’s Sweetheart”. Seth never got to see Tallinn, but Jost gets to marry an Avenger.
Seth apologizes that the Jackal mugs are not available for international shipping. SOOOoooo: If you are an international jackal send a postcard from your home country with the phrase: “I am a Jackal and I don’t deserve your kindness.” Written in your native tongue.
MTS interrupts…really throwing Seth off
Send to: PO Box 4748 // New York, NY 10085
Maybe you’ll win a mug
“I’ll see you next week” ❌🚫❌🚫❌
Week of 10/3: Message “Lets Go Mets!” [Run Time 13:49] Mug: Cartoon Jackal Typing on computer/Late Night with Correction Jackals (Mug available at NBCUniversal Experience Online Store)
Title Card: Jetrections
“I’d love to see a hippie afford one of my sweaters”….already addressed that. See: Nielsen likes a slut
Is Goofy a dog or cow?
House of Dragon versus (the correct) House of the Dragon
But the first few episodes were “house of DRAGGING”
Seth lodges complaint for “on the nose” dialogue between Daemon and Rhaenyra
D: I can’t have sex with you. I’m your uncle.
R: No no, I incest.
Sherlock Holmes addicted to cocaine NOT opium
Seth comments on the nature of cocaine, joking that it probably had something to do with Sherlock Holmes and the 400 page screenplay.
He backs off this argument because Holmes “got the job done” according to Seth
Peanuts, cashews, and almonds are not nuts. They are legumes? Or Drupes?
“If the best three nuts aren’t nuts, I’m fucking out on nuts.”
Jackals point out that Donald Trump probably uses the phrase “cheat like dogs” because of the famous dogs playing poker painting where the bulldog is cheating via hind legs.
For this to work, Donald Trump would have to have seen this painting and thought it was a photo
It was Fred’s van (Scooby Doo)
But MacTonight definitely owns a van with kidnapper vibes (crudely spray painted with “free happy meals inside”)
Six Million Dollar Man was on in France, called L’homme qui valait trois milliards”
Translation: Three Billion Franc Man
Also not equivalent to six million, more like seventy six million
Seth explains BTS creative problems: the title was tied to the exchange rate
Graphics Department: Failure to understand the nature of police tape
GD still into negging
LOTR: Is it a media problem? Or bigots getting mad about Black elves?
International Shipping Competition: Stateside “jerks” have been utilizing the mailing address (Postcard of a Corrections facility)
Also
Finland is NOT Scandinavian according to angry Danes, Swedes, Norwegians
Steelers v. Jets
The Jets won
Kenny Coyle Bet Update: He seems like he wanted to wear a “Steelers half shirt” and actually wore a Jets crop top all week.
When approached about how his midriff might border on an HR violation, he confidently claimed that HR can’t do anything “if it’s a bet”….”If it’s a bet it’s outside their purview.”
Seth was a good sport after the game and went on the field with his fellow members of the media elite and took a picture with “former Jet wide-receiver, Santonio Holmes, wearing the Super Bowl ring he won while he was with the Jets.”
The Jets have not won a Super Bowl since 1969. Santonio Holmes was not even alive then.
Seth thinks if the Jets won a Super Bowl they would mess up the location of the parade
Mets: The entire staff are Mets fans, except Wally (Yankees fan).
Week full of Mets jokes (about their failure to win the division)…Security guards Jim and John ask Seth why he was doing so many Mets burns. Seth puts his hands up reflecting his perceived innocence, blaming self-hating Mets fan Sal Gentile for writing all the jokes. One of them revealed they were worried Wally would change the cue cards to make everything about Aaron Judge hit 62 home runs. The other responded, “If Wally changed the cue cards, he would make it about Wally.”
“Jim and John, the Statler and Waldorf”
Mat Parker, the original Jackal, in house for Corrections
Helped Seth improve lighting and sound back in Phase One: Attic Attack
“Is responsible for the current death spiral I am in”
“See me next week.”
Week of 10.10.22: Message “Let Go Of Mets” [Run Time 13:30] Mug: Cartoon Jackal Typing on computer/Late Night with Correction Jackals (Mug available at NBCUniversal Experience Online Store)
Titlecard: Snorrrections
Ye (as in Ye olde shoppe, or Ye Olde Diet Coke) pronounced “the”. Not to be confused with Kanye’s Ye, which is pronounced “Antisemitic”
Founding Father Trump wouldhave created a scam tea. Graphics Department’s rendering was a little too modern for a Revolutionary War era con. The copy reads “TEA THAT MAKES YOUR PENIS BIGGER” in a really minimalist font.
Tea would have been served in a sack back then. Seth claims to have known this but ran into an HR issue when asking Graphics to render sacks of tea that say “These sacks make your penis bigger”…which tracks
Desk mic = backup mic
There is also a floor speaker that has been behind the desk for 9 years. Seth still trips on it every night.
To the comment “Velma’s always been gay. She’s just out now.” Seth is skeptical.
Clint Howard was in an actual movie called Ice Cream Man.
Tagline: “I scream / you scream / we all scream for the / Ice Cream Man”
Corrections, the weekly series, is, of course, just Seth’s fluid. Haha
“Liquid paper” est. 1956
Son of BNG? Mike Nesmith of The Monkees
MTS refers to The Monkees as “his Beatles”
Chimpanzees ARE NOT monkeys
Homage to the Sloth LEITMOTIF: In the pre-LNSM-no-animals-policy days, a chimp was on the show. The chimp got out, ran down the halls, and was contained in the offices. Seth and MTS called NYC Animal Control to tell them there was a monkey loose. When Animal Control arrived they entered the occupied office, but couldn’t do anything because their Action Order said “monkey” and a Chimpanzee is an ape. The Animal Control guys had to go all the way back to the office and get a new Action Order
The world’s oldest dog can’t die because the moment it dies, there is a new world’s oldest dog.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: you don’t take your knighthood to the grave
(the lady who was a stickler about that stuff is gone and the no one respects the new guy…don’t sweat it)
Dahmer Netflix show is called Dahmer Monster: The Jeffery Dahmer Story
Seth assumes there must be other Dahmer’s floating around with connects at Netflix who were concerned with their name being associated with “monster”
Flubs as in, “That was a flub you sons and daughters of bitches”
The NYC Public Library didn’t have Goodnight Moon until 1972 because the librarian in charge didn’t like it.
As long as it was in library post-1972, it would have been there in time for Trump to not read it Don Jr. and Eric.
The librarian banned Goodnight Moon because “she thought it sucked.”
Viewer Questions
Who is laughing? the crew
Do you pay them? Yes
International viewer says, “I still don’t know what sports the Mets play.”: Seth responds, “When you figure it out, tell the Mets.”
THE PO BOX FOR INTERNATIONAL VIEWERS IS NOT A CONTEST. ANYTHING IMPLYING THERE WAS A CONTEST WAS CLEARLY A JOKE. THERE WILL NOT BE A DRAWING AND IT IS NOT A CONTEST. SETH NEVER PROMISED TO SEND AN INTERNATIONAL JACKAL A MUG IF THEY SENT A POSTCARD TO THE PO BOX.
The legal department is not happy with one Mr. Seth Meyers
The completely random and not official international jackal post card “thing” will happen in two weeks
Seth has “a feeling” at least
He loves his postcards (he even got one from his precious Estonia)
A Jackal thinks Seth resembled Mac Tonight last week:
He doesn’t understand the allegation as he is not a werewolf type creature that turns into a half-moon smiling weirdo…. His wife doesn’t have to hand-cuff him to the bed so he doesn’t come home smelling like French fries…. “The game [sic] is up”
“Happy Halloween” - **lightning backlight cue** (Legal wouldn’t let them play the accompanying sound)
It wasn’t the best corrections, but it was corrections
“See me in two weeks”
Week of 10.31.22: Message “I LOVE POSTCARDS!!!!!!” [Run Time 15:04] Mug: “Save Seth” Sticker
CORRECTIONS: No Return Address
Bolo ties = Western/Southwestern lawyer (Bow tie = Southern Lawyer)
Hardees and Carl’s Jr. have the same owners. There are no Carl’s Jr.s in Minnesota
Emily (A Closer Look Producer) knew this would be a problem
(Comrade) Sal did not care.
He finishes A Closer Look and checks out
After work he meets all his Wall Street buddies on his boat at the marina like Leo in Wolf of Wall Street
Showed Billy the puppet from Jigsaw, not the killer from Jigsaw
The killer from Jigsaw is of course…Mac Tonight (a waning or waxing crescent NOT a “quarter moon”)
A “19th century dandy” could not have been delighted about a Charleston Chew as they were not created until 1924
MTS loves the film Ratatouille
Anatomy of a Pantomime: No more mouth to mouth in CPR, just compressions
Seth blames cancel culture
A Jackal blames the 5 person audience at Corrections on being too woke
LNSM’s go to gopher model is a total pro. HOWEVER, he is a mormon and refused to be pictured with a can of beer.
Their second choice gopher was hardly a gopher (clearly not a gopher) AND was pounding the provided Natty Light.
While escorting the now inebriated model from 30 Rockefeller Plaza, security guards John and Jim were overheard saying, **gruff voice** “Look out for his teeth!”
“Whole rest of the week, every time….” SETH LAUGHS UNCONTROLLABLY … “…every time I went to the office…”
Amber is still at the recordings of Corrections. We can’t hear her laugh anymore because she is no longer laughing
Foreign viewer thought the Jets and the Mets were the same thing
Seth clarifies that in New York, the usage is basically interchangeable…especially if you want to spice up your vernacular with New York-esque complaints.
Alex (Director) gave Seth exactly what he asked for when the host told him to prepare some “lightning sound effects” (nothin)…
Jackals point out this means Kanye’s new name is actually pronounced “The”
Of course, this is short for “The Antisemitic”
Seth uses Graduation style autotune to sing “why you gotta be so heartless”
He is surprised it lands
Liquid Paper White Out was invented by Bette Nesmith Graham, mother of The Monkees’ Mike Nesmith
Too much Wally combatted by pro-Tank Top viewer, TJ
Mike Scollins fan art
TJ also suggests moving into the tank top (merch) space
More fan art! Water color portrait of Seth
International Postcard Competition/Drawing/Situation: More legal trouble for Mr. Meyers
Soooo many postcards
“Putting me [Seth] in the ‘jack-pot’ so to speak”
The legal department is not made of fun people
Seth suggests a fun little workaround for the International postcard drawing
A drawing of a postcard (obviously)
“You’ve gotta stop sending postcards. Because it’s a problem for me. It’s legal exposure so just forget you ever heard PO Box 4748, New York, NY 10085. Because it has not been good for me.”
“Go easy on John, though” (from the earlier gopher/security guard-run)
“See me next week.”
Week of 11.7.22: Message “Tanks for Watching “ [Run Time 10:11] Mug: Cartoon Jackal Typing on computer/Late Night with Correction Jackals (Mug available at NBCUniversal Experience Online Store)
Corrections: Sleeve’Em Wanting More!
Maryland legalized marijuana and has a cool state flag
“Throne-ers” argue the Midterms were not a “Red Wedding where Trump was the dragon” because there were no dragons at the Red Wedding.
Seth counters that, analogy or not, Trump shows up a lot of places he is not supposed to be ESPECIALLY WEDDINGS
For the sake of the impression, when Seth speaks as Trump…don’t correct him…it’s silly…and Trump wouldn’t like being corrected
Seth, AS TRUMP, referred to Frankenstein when he meant Frankenstein’s monster. He argues it would be FAR MORE JARRING for Trump to say Frankenstein’s monster, given the previous “Tim Apple” of it all.
Infers Trump’s favorite Romantic was Percy Shelley
Graphics Department: Trump wouldn’t make “jumps” on American Ninja Warrior
“Is it hot in here?”
Gopher who wouldn’t drink beer wasn’t a Mormon but a marmot
Seth misheard the gopher because of their speech impediment
Security Guys, Jim and John: Seth apologizes for the level of unprofessionalism he exhibited last week, laughing through much of his Jim and John content. He cracked himself up thinking about Jim and John escorting the drunk gopher (the replacement model) out of the studio.
Jim and John’s best skill isn’t security, it’s “busting each other’s balls.”
Jim: “I’m gunna go out first. Make sure there are no gophers out there for John. John wants me to go check for gophers first.”
John: “I’ll tell you, those teeth, Seth. Right through my pant leg. TWO HOLES!?”
Jim: “I told you to look out for his teeth!”
“No? It is hot. You don’t think?”
It’s not Bruno Cucinelli, it’s Bruno Cucinelli’s monster . Hah
It’s Brunello Cucinelli
Closer Look Producer, Emily, is the most fashionable CL Producer. She should have caught that one
MTS wouldn’t know because for him the ceiling for shoes is “Florsheim”
Sal has no excuse because, Seth alleges, he is secretly a very wealthy man. (Tries to hide wealth under New Balances and Mets hats. Seth claims inside his Gristedes bag are Ferigamo shoes and a Omega watch?)
Graphics Flub: Obama NOT pictured on the top of Mt. Everest
Scollins made an inopportune Shamu/sushi joke.
“So hot.” Seth…begins…unbuttoning his shirt ??? :( “Could the gopher have chewed threw the chord to the AC?”
Reveal: Seth is wearing a bro tank with fan art of Scollins
Bigger reveal, Seth overheats because he did fifty pushup prior to filming.
Corrections catch up...I’ve been MIA as I continue tending to my wounds. @LNSM, you know what you did (DIDNT DO).
Week of 11.14.22: **Message Below** [Run Time 12:25] Mug: Late Night with Correction Jackals
Corrections: Optioned by Pixar
Aldi pronunciation
Nevada/NevAdA debate
Seth called the Maryland flag busy and was promptly arrested by Maryland State Police…because “it’s illegal to burn a flag”
“Cruel” suggestions as to how Donald Trump could best be removed from a lake (not a pool skimmer). The only one Seth worth breaking Seth’s journalistic objectivity: a winch
Seth Reiss/Will Tracy (The Menu) interview received no views lol
Anatomy of a Pantomime: Trump, **IF** he used the music from CATS as his walk-on song, wouldn’t lift off a mascot like head because the cats in CATS have more of a face paint/leotard situation. Seth knew this but still thought the mascot head would be funny
“Pixar is interested in doing a movie about John and Jim and the Gopher!!” (“Good luck, Chuck” -the producers of Kikiriki and Cicada, Cicada)
Two former NYPD officers get reassigned to the forrest because they got lost midway through their last assignment, security for the mayor. It is based on a true story, THIS TRUE STORY: When LNSM was vying for the hot young thing award at the beginning of its run, Seth and gang did some shows in DC. Jim and John were in charge of escorting everyone to the theater. Seth realized J&J weren’t the savvy masters of transpo they claimed to be when he saw this (not DC) flag:
John got us lost, Jim never ONCE brought it up again and THAT’S the kind of guy he is.
Frankenstein’s monster should technically be called Frankenstein’s creature but Seth argues “once you chuck a girl in a pond” you become a monster.
Example: we no longer call him “Hall of Fame Running Back, OJ Simpson”
Seth sides with the villagers/angry mob…” The agrarian society of farmers didn’t want a monster running around chucking kids into a pond.” He hypothesizes that Frankenstein falsely claimed his secluded laboratory would bring in jobs (before ONLY hiring Igor).
Reminder, Mac Tonight was PLAYED BY DOUG JONES
Young Doug Jones looks (A LITTLE BIT) like young Josh Meyers
The Lore of McDonald’s Mac Tonight: Waxing, Waning, or Something in Between? —> Liberal Arts School titles are my one and only skill.
“Waxing means getting less. Waning means it’s getting more.” -Seth Meyers
[to MTS] “Wax on. Wane off?? Right.” … “How many years has he been your Halloween costume?”
Question for MTS, from Seth: How is this photo like me on my wedding night? A: Untouched
Me:
Seth: Obviously I haven’t been to school for a long time but I guess teachers are just super fucking jacked now.
Did he do 50 pushups all at once? Of course not! “I’m not Lou Ferrigno. You break it up over the course of the day.”
Week of 11.7.22 ruined by Thumbnail pic. Seth blames this on Jay and Ross (Jim and John?)
**
“See me next week”
Week of 11.21.22: Message “Turduckal”[Run Time 16:17] Mug: Late Night with Correction Jackals
Corrections: Don’t Mug Yourself
Happy Thanksgiving!
“It’s 5 o’clock on a Saturday” is the line from “Keyboard Guy” by Bobby Jake!
A python ate an alligator in…..Where was it again**checks physical roledex** Was it a southern state?… “Twas Florida”
“or what’s known as a Florida Turduckin” … the element inside the alligator was a little bit of meth (also known as a py-alla-meth or pile-a-meth depending on the region, NEVER MISTAKE WITH THE PHONETICALLY SIMILAR POLYMATH)
Graphics Department: A Turkey wielding a knife would likely hold it with their claw, not wing….
Seth points out that the turkey is already holding a gun with said claw
…a tur-knife-gun
Gala (Gay-la = noun// party) (Gal-Uh = adj//describing a part) (party with legal gambling and prostitution = Neva-dUh)
Seth held the he Maryland flag (11.14) upside down last week which is what made it such an eye-sore (or is it a magic eye poster for Maryland celebrities?….Seth claims to spot Stringer Bell )
Viewers “split” about Tank Top: is Seth scrawny? or does he look so good it makes you, the viewer, jealous?
Or is it just average? … all this and more from the totally free and fair elections of Meyers Regime.
Intermittent fasting…a diet that also doesn’t work…(A DIET EATING DISORDER, duh)
Aldi Pronunciation
Seth suggests a Snoop Dogg collab with Aldi: “All these pretzels, all these chips, and Aldi’s nuts”
After coming up with that, Seth yelled “Eureka!” in his office
Then realized the youths of today have him beat
Donald Trump would likely scream, “WINCH HUNT” from the lake where is drowning and cannot be saved by a pool skimmer or any number of other cruel potential devices.
In Japan they don’t have lawns?
French Revolution = 18th century (NOT the 19th century) but Seth argues that you could still REALLLLY feel the repercussions in the 19th. “You don’t have a revolution then just move on. It’s awkward. You have to live together, you know!”
Meyers, an acclaimed historian of the French Revolution, then noted that 19th century France was a real social… sorry to say it…battle field. “You would see someone and remember seeing them through a stacked-up furniture.” NOW THAT is awkward!! “THEY said…of all armed conflict, the French Revolution had the most walls of stacked-up furniture”
Frankenstein’s Monster/Frankenstein
Seth doesn’t have a great understanding of Mary Shelley’s plot and likely has only seen the 1931 horror movie.
He accidentally read Frankenstein (based on the major motion picture)
Jackal: The villagers ostracized and persecuted a sensitive soul purely because he was different, and their behavior cannot be excused…Sort of like what Seth does with Wally (2/28/22) (or keyword Frankenstein)
Verrrrry full circle….verrry here for a good time not a long time energy
“I would say Frankenstein does remind me of Wally in that cnce we started putting Wally on camera, we created a monster.” Seth Frankenstein Meyers
Seth doesn’t know anything about the moon and he wants 2. KEEP. IT. THAT. WAY.
If the moon is so round, WHY can he draw it on a piece of paper!???!
Last week he got it EXACTLY backwards
MTS too shy to do his WORLD FAMOUS Mr. Miyagi impression
Graphics Department does not understand the following comedic concept: Superman gets wedgie-ed so hard the bully (bank robbers) pull his underpants over his head, forehead, and eyes…thus creating a mask out of his underwear
Murch Madness: In response to mugs being sent to the PO Box…says Seth, “Don’t. Make. Better. Mugs. Than. Us.”
Not that hard bucko
International Postcard 4 Mug NOT A Competition/Drawing/Situation
Seth is in HUGE legal trouble with NBC
Promises to send a mug to ALLLL the little International jackals
Seth bows to his one. true. Mr. Miyagi (thanking MTS for keeping him accountable)
wants you (the GREEDY LITTLE CONSUMER) to know, in order to get allll the extra mugs from the mug factory, everyone at the mug factory has to work on Christmas.
Seth is going to get himself something fun too
PHONE RINGs:
Alexi (not Andy) says Seth doesn’t get to have something fun
“You will see ME in two week”
Week of 12.5.22 Message N/a [Run Time 21:23] Mug: Late Night with Correction Jackals
Corr-Stretch-Tions
There are lawns in Japan and people are wayyy too confident in the comments
Psych! vs. Sike! (Like when you’re yelling it at someone)
A Sike is also a small stream…want to see one?
Psych!
Biden didn’t try to talk a turkey. He did talk to a turkey. He tried to have a conversation with the turkey.
Fauci doesn’t do as much old guy stuff as Biden despite being older than him…
Seth’s words of wisdom: “Just because a doctor makes a mistake, does not mean you’re the doctor now.”
My Pillow Sound - - - - - - - - - - effect
Seth blames sound guy who lives in Australia for the late effect…Australia is ahead of us meaning the clunky MyPillow sound effect would have sounded early **demonstration**
Johnny Bananas Joke used a monkey premise and a chimp (an ape) photograph: Seth blames the frequent Graphics Department mix-em-ups (keyword: gopher) with the rough and tumble world of show business. Sometimes creative differences lead to a last minute species change, sometimes—and in this instance—it’s because the art department accidentally photographed a nonunion monkey and had to do a last minute reshoot. (Kenny knew the monkey was a scab and didn’t say anything??)
Chimp/monkey/Boy George’s “The Crying Game” (do the joke algebra and figure it out yourself)
MY PILLOW SOUND
Someone complained about Seth representing 6 as 5 fingers + one thumb…he doesn’t get what’s wrong with it
He thinks it has something to do with a Deleted Scene in Inglorious Basterds: Right after the “drei glaesen” give away, Hicox continues, “und sech jalapeño poppers” (with 5 fingers and one thumb, which also gives him away)
President A. Samberg
Graphics showed a modern Samberg in the Oval Office. Seth wanted to show how a more “doofy” Samberg as the leader of the free world.
FaceTime with Andy returns!
Jk. He doesn’t pick up. “Straight to unavailable…guess he’s doing his Spelling Bee”
Flat Mooners United started by Mr. Meyers himself
Some flat Earth-ers think the moon is projected on a dome though? (Seth thinks this could fool some people)
Rule #1 of Flat Mooners: THIS WILL NOT BECOME A GATEWAY TO ANTISEMITISM
THEY ONLY TALK ABOUT HOW THE MOON IS FLAT
Some people tried to make jokes about how, as President of the Flat Mooners,” Seth’s probably got a flat ass. To this, he firmly responded “No!”.
“A man as gorgeous and ripped as me could never have a flat ass!”
Seth had to have his tattoos covered for the bit, but agreed to show Jackals his ink
Rhaenyra’s dragon is a female named Syrax. Seth explains that part of the of the joke is that TRUMP definitely thinks all dragons…
MYPILLOW SOUND
All dragons are boys. (In the mind of Donald Trump)
It is very hard to communicate with the Australia office visa vie the MyPillow Sound…If he wanted them to stop now, he would have had to call their office YESTERDAY
2000 year old Santa would be a bummer (or scary)
Seth tried to show his kids A Charlie Brown Christmas while on a flight. After takeoff the stewardess RAN down the aisle and slammed his iPad down. She then explained, “someone on the plane is allergic to Peanuts” HARHARAHAAWwwr
MTS’s favorite Christmas movie is The Grinch….”before he switched!”
MTS thinks the Grinch was too much of a weenie to get the job done.
Seth flubbed French (while talking about the French Revolution) and Youtube caught it
He would love to know if his content is making YouTube any money
Seth was right when he talked about the 19th century French Revolution because 1. They kept having them. And 2. He was talking about the Les Mis one, aka the one with alllllll the furniture (July 1830 Uprising/Revolution)
Seth hypothesized that July of 1830 saw the most furniture ever stacked in an armed conflict. He was wrong though…When was the most furniture stacked in an armed conflict? We have to sit with that question and really let it simmer thanks to lackluster audience participation
JK
It was during the Ottoman Empire
Intermittent Fasting has worked for a lot of people, according to the comments. Seth congratulates them then kindly asks they be more intermittent when talking about it at parties.
Teen Wolf (1985) !! Obama was 25ish when Teenwolf came out, much older than the seven-year-old werewolf fan Seth described. However, Teen Wolf, according to Seth, was based on a real life guy from the 1968 US Men’s Olympic basketball team
A child designed a more creative and fun Corrections mug than the actual Corrections mug. Seth threatens the CHILD with legal action!!!
Murch Madness:…
Still no response from Andy (as in “Facetime with…”)
Seth tries to drag out Corrections so his employees can’t leave and get too fucked up at the holiday party.
Murch Madness: NBC flip-flopped and said they would pay for the mugs but Seth still felt bad and decided to donate the total amount for ~ze mugs~ and give it to a charity. After a lot of research he decided to donate the money to NBC (the burn? they’ve got a matching program)
“Still over an hour to the party”
Paper shuffling
MYPILLOW SOUND
“Go home!”
Week of 12.12.22: [Run Time 16:59] Message: “Happy Holidays, Jackals!” Mug: Late Night with Correction Jackals
Choclections
Seth does not want to let his crew leave for the holidays
Sarah Jenks Daly, LNSM producer, wrote a holiday Corrections poem to “Twas the Night Before Christmas”
Corrections, however, does not accept staff submissions
A Charlie Brown Christmas on a plane: “Allergic to peanuts” didn’t work in the room
Seth called the woman who notified him of the allergy a stewardess, an outdated term. He should have said flight attendant
He apologizes for this, but in his defense, “We were flying PanAm”
The flight attendant’s direct quote was “Wah wah waaa waha wa wahh”
MTS loves The Grinch (before he switches). Seth alleges that MTS does not allow the so-called reformed Grinch in Shoeville.
MTS wanted to know Seth’s “Christmas Dream”. Seth said it was to be with his family. When Seth asked MTS his Christmas dream he said, “For an angel to replace everything with Chocolate.” Seth didn’t really get it.
Mike Scollins, famed tank top wearer, received updated fan art taking Seth’s muscle mass into account
He also wrote the joke from last week about 2000 year old Santa…His suggestion for graphics was Santa on a ventilator:
(Comrade) Sal Gentile made an out of date joke about weed dealers (how they decorate their homes, bodies, etc.). Baze said this was indicative of a person who doesn’t smoke weed. Sal said “I do too smoke weed, Alex! Just look it this!”. He proceeded to open a bag that was clearly oregano.
Yes, Corrections has a lot of inside jokes about the crew and staff. Interestingly, Sarah’s poem talks about a lot of them. But. Rules are rules.
In a rare show of compassion for viewers, Seth shares some of the most popular in-office vernacular of 2022: Seth Explains Late Night Slang
Baze of Glory: When you think of something so funny that you have to say it out loud even though it works against your own interests
Example: Baze got married to a lovely woman named Sue this year. At Thanksgiving Baze told Seth’s mom this, to which she asked, “How long?”. Baze responded, “I give it two months.” An answer that he later relayed to his new wife.
Cheeto dust = Cheetle, Chester Cheetah = the character name, Chester Cheetah was played by Don Cheadle
MYPILLOW SOUND
Mac Tonight: People keep sending Mac Tonight and Mac Tonight related memorabilia / merch to the PO Box…it is a lot of scary 2002 era McDonalds merchandise
Seth quotes Lizzo to his wife until she is sufficiently angry.
Next day he messed up while stripping his son’s bed and washed a mattress cover that then took his wife 12 hours to dry. To this, Seth responded, “It took you 12 hours? Were you using a process called “Doing it Wrong”?”. **plays Baze of Glory theme music** (Shot down in a [Baze] of glorryyy)
Someone left a present at the front desk of 30 Rock
Seth unwraps a Mac Tonight t-shirt
*Cue angelic music* Seth: “Was that the Christmas gliss?” **takes bite from his mug**
Bowser is not a turtle. He is Big Sea dragon, a tortoise, or a koopa. Seth is “an adult” and decides to just move on
MYPILLOW SOUND
Seth drops miniature MyPillow
**Takes bite of Frisbie**
**Takes bite fo Andy** **shakes his head “no”, motioning that the Andy mummy was not, in fact, made of chocolate (or at least didn’t taste good** **Spits bite of Andy mummy into MacTonight T-shirt**
Week of 1.2.23: Message n/a [Run Time 10:31] Mug: Late Night with Correction Jackals
20rre2tion3
Correction Resolutions 2023:
No more callbacks.
(Keyword search: contained)
Get back to the gym
Jennifer Coolidge vs. Owen Wilson
Battle of the wows
It’s all in the eyes (Jennifer Coolidge = squinted eyes, has seen the world for what it is, Owen Wilson = open eyes, never experienced the wrath of society)
Seth got the scar on his chin while trying to reach for popcorn while watching the 1989 classic, Road House.
It’s also possible MTS did it.
Not Pr-EYE-mer but primer (bc it’s British)
Ex. Amazon prim packages are delivered via lorrey
Shady drug dealers mix cocaine with baking soda, not baking powder
The mix-up is why Seth was kicked off the corner
This was also why he was cut from Season 1 of The Wire
Trivial bumper sticker nonsense
Rudy Giuliani wearing pants as a shirt is a Graphic-flub bad enough to warrant backlash
Corrections is about the late night family and families often poke fun at each other
Consider the graphic Mike Scollins proposed for a joke about 2000 year old Santa: Santa on a ventilator
A Jackal noted that the old guy in the picture looks a lot like Wally from NBC respect in the workplace seminar
Mac Tonight: more merch in the PO Box
Seth says STOP sending merch, but also the gives the PO Box address ONE MORE TIME: PO Box 4748 New York, NY 10185
The Chocolate/Candy desk accessories where courtesy of Andrea Witzer (the mother of sound guy, Mike Witzer)
Andy Mummy looked like it was made of plaster. Seth says it was actually made of something worse, WHITE CHocOlate
White Chocolate, his character’s name from The Wire
Seth = Pittsburgh Steelers fan (he cries when they lose, and when they win (?) )
Despite a tough season, the Steelers can make it to the playoffs if three things happen: 1. Steelers win. 2. The Bills beat the Patriots. 3. The Jets beat The Dolphins.
Seth is aware that his karmic output visa vie The Jets means they will not deliver.
Security Guards Jim (of Jim and John) warned Seth that this would likely happen. Seth remembers saying, “If I ever need to route for the New York Jets, I will eat my script, Jim!!”
**eats script**
Seth displays one of his vintage pencils: Is it a real pencil? (Seths asks MTS if it is pencil?! … many times)
It’s not pencil (probably chocolate)
**Seth flinches at his dear pal**
Week of 1/9/23: Message “Is it Shoemaker?” [Run Time 15:07] Mug: Late Night with Correction Jackals
Is It Corrections?
The “Is It Pencil?” question posed to MTS (Week of 1/2/23) was not in reference to the contemporary show Is It Cake?, but the BBC show Is It Cake? from the 70s, hosted by Sir Lawrence Olivier (clip)
Road House: Patrick Swayze wasn’t a bouncer…he was a cooler. Seth is aware of this. For him, as far as coolers go, it’s always been: 1. (William H.) Macy 2. Swayze 3. Kevin Spacey
If he HAD TO expand the list it would be: 1. (Jake) Lacy 2. Macy 3. Swayze 4. Spacey 5. John Wayne Gacy (for serial killing, NOT painting)
MTS loves John Wayne Gacy the painter…because he is an intellect and understands how to separate the art from the artist
The S of MTS is Shoe (will also accept: Shoemaker or “😡”
Spelling errors in Youtube comments will henceforth be considered null and void
Family Feud buzzer
Squirrels in NY are more than capable of wearing and otherwise using GoPro cameras/gear
They are on an evolutionary track currently pit against the rats and Eric Adams
Especially the “bridge and tunnel squirrels”
Kevin McCarthy as Sesame Street characters (The Count, Cookie Monster, Elmo) should have read: I can count. Me have sweet tooth. Kevin very ticklish.
Seth makes the argument that Kevin “I can count” McCarthy IS second (rather than third) in line for the presidency. Kamala is first in line. JoeJoe isn’t in line because he already has the job.
The plan for Late Night succession is as follows: After Seth it goes to Amber. After Amber, it goes to Scollins. If Amber takes over late night and something happens to her, Seth warns, “ARREST SCOLLINS!”
A jackal writes, “Who’s Tanya? This might not be an obscure reference, and if I look it up and it’s simply some ‘White Lotus’ reference, then your writing staff should be ashamed. Not all of your audience is watching ‘White Lotus’ or ‘Real Housewives’ or whatever show that reference was from. If you do not include the subject of the reference you might as well be writing inside jokes for ‘Corrections’.
WOOOW ….. -Seth’s Coolidge
A certain mail thief did not find one delivered Jackal Mug worthy of stealing
Jefferson/Franklin shit talking @ the Constitutional Convention
Seth apologizes for making a blatant historical error (Jefferson was serving as Ambassador to France at the time)
EDIT: “Benjamin Franklin trash-talked Thomas Jefferson during the Constitutional Convention, during a phone call.”
The JETs
Maybe, if the Jets used Mike White the way LNSM used his picture in the show, they would have beat the Dolphins or whatever. SPORTS
All dads watch ‘Yellowstone’ is contested by a jackal. The jackal is burned.
Mike Pence claps like a broken monkey with a cymbal (it looks like“one of the tests they did in Blade Runner”)
“You can’t be surprised when an Amelia Earhart joke doesn’t land.”
PO Box Gift to Wally
Seth opened the gift to identify potential threats to the community (his ego) but did not find poison chemicals or fecal matter
Tiny Wally
“This is art, Shoemaker! Not your clown paintings!”
Seth will only give Wally his tiny statue if he can legally prove that it his even though it was sent to Seth’s PO Box.
Shoemaker is real (not Tyler Durden situation)
Nobody has ever confused Shoemaker with Brad Pitt
They are both, however, thin jacked
Shoemaker rarely has a shirt on in office, especially while he is hanging his new Gacy paintings
Mac Tonight // PO Box
Seth receives a severed Mac Tonight head
Points out that whomever sent the package should really apologize to Donna because it was HER who had to go to wardrobe and get Seth a new pair of pants after he shit his.
Is it Wally?
Week of 1/16/23: [Run Time: 13:22] Mug: Late Night with Correction Jackals
Corrections: Don’t Show The Picture!
Corrections is about integrity. Seth can’t help it [the Corrections run time] if he doesn’t make many mistakes and thus doesn’t have many corrections to give EOW.
He would never pad it out, for example
Believes Corrections has THE MOST integrity of contemporary TV shows
Doesn’t watch that much television because “it’s all so woke” **grimaces**
Ferris Bueller stole a Ferrari not a corvette. HOWEVER, Seth believes (based on his understanding of the psychology of Mr. Bueller), Mr. Bueller would have committed grand theft auto regardless the specific make/model of the luxury vehicle.
The crime was about youth, luxury, and freedom, not love of Ferraris
Similarly, Mr. Meyers believes Mr. Bueller would have performed on the float even if “Danke Shoen”/ “Twist and Shout” was not the specific performance remix.
Pedantics of the correction making process
Seth suggests, before one goes furiously typing in the comments sections, to slow down sometimes…Okay?…because life moves pretty fast…and if you don’t stop and look around once in a while…You could miss it.
Joke: Car smashed by boulder on the side of the road. Owner of the car? Road Runner
THE JOKE WORKED FOR THE AUDIENCE
Jackals HOWEVER note that (based on the “mythology” of the Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote cartoons) it would have been the Coyote’s car that was crushed by boulder.
One Jackal elaborated, “afterword, Road Runner would come over and say whatever obscenities they had to “MEEP OUT”
Implies that Road Runner was not saying “Meep meep”. Rather! Warner Brothers was censoring Road Runner with a meep rather than the traditional beep/bleep.
Seth’s research team was able to recover original footage to provide the accurate dialogue: “Caca?” Or possibly “cock-cock” (maybe “Caaan!-Caan!)” …the original footage was too delicate for further inspection
Defenestration Diaries: Putin is known for turning to defenestration as a means of disposing of his enemies (originally, this fact was accompanied by a joke about someone falling out a fourth story window)
Jackal notes that falling from a fourth story window isn’t necessarily fatal
Seth was already aware of this because originally the folks at NBCUniversal offered the Late Night with Seth Meyers team newly renovated (modern, even) offices on the fourth floor. Although Seth was upset by the four floor demotion, he didn’t want to make a fuss. MTS HOWEVER, would not stand for it, telling the almighty NBCUniversal representative, “That’s not high enough.”
A lot of people only watch Corrections and therefore do not watch the credits where they could have learned the correct spelling of Shoemaker.
Seth begs for viewers.
MGM Lion roar sound, since 1980, has actually been a tiger roar. Tigers, according to MGM’s 1980s Mike Witzer (sound mixer) equivalent, have a fiercer roar.
Audio proof
Slowed down, the roar reveals the species of jungle cat, stating (roaring), “Roooaa-I’m a tiger-rrrrrrr”
The term “mid-century”, when describing a credenza, infuriated jackal-furniture heads. Many of whom sarcastically asked, “I don’t know what century that is.”
Seth claims the verisimilitude of a credenza’s date of construction is not information relevant/necessary to the joke’s construction
Amelia Earhart joke-al (1/9)
Regarding Earhart statue construction (in North Hollywood and Purdue): Weird they went with her holding a “part of the plane that should definitely be attached.”
Monologue (mono) joke from 11/18: “And finally” (signaling it is the final joke or “closer” with no means by which to “clean it up”/save it) “the world’s oldest known person, a French nun, has reportedly died at the age of 118. And I got to say, I’d feel pretty bad if I was the one who bought her that skateboard.”
The joke did not go well…so Seth offers a defense
Explains that it is always tragic when someone passes. However, he believes it the least tragic when said person dies of natural causes at 118 years old…he continues, “I mean, the last few years, you could even argue they’re just showing off.”
The one two punch of the joke however, included a picture of the actual 118 year old nun. The second punch, the picture, Seth finds himself unable to defend. He regretfully admits, “You can’t show a picture.”
“How in God’s name did we think a laugh was forthcoming when we put that up for the audience to see?”
Seth protects the identity of the joke’s author, minus the assertion that when he told it he was **plays Baze of Glory theme music** (🎼Shot down in a -Baze- of glory🎼)
Baze, he asserts disapprovingly, was raised Catholic…
Jackal named Maya knit a Jackal for Seth (a lovely addition to our menagerie of lovely things)
SETH DOES NOT HOWEVER, WANT ANYMORE Seth Meyers X Mac Tonight fan art…especially fan art that implies Seth and Mac are two sides of the same coin…that the evil of Mac Tonight is somehow within Seth, himself…that the atrocities committed by Mac are “blood on thine hands” … “Do I turn into him?” ….
“Does the transformation begin anytime I see half a wolf… That joke is going to wax on you.”
Score one for Seth. I get it. I chuckled
“You will see me next week”
Credits, usually only played after official LNSM episodes, roll:
Corrections Written By: Seth Meyers
Performed By: Seth Meyers
Never Seen By: Lorne Michaels
Executive Produced By: The O’Reilly Crime Syndicate (Control F: O’Reilly; Riley; Jimmy Riley)
Directed By: Alexander J. Vietmeier
My sincerest apologies for previous confusion between Director, Alex and Writer/Producer, Alex (Baze). I am SO very sorry.
Caviar Provided By: The Leftovers From Sal’s Lunch
(Control F: Sal Gentile; comrade; Gristedes)
Blasphemy Provided By: Baze
SFX Provided By: Jezza “The Wombat” Kelly
White Chocolatier: Mike Witzer’s Mom
HR Department’s Time Occupied By: The Graphics Department
Your Guess Is As Good As Mine: Mike Shoemaker
Appreciated, But Not Enough to be Hired, Candidate for “Late Night Production Assistant”: Isabel Parigi
**Sethmaker Shoemeyers Production Reel**
**Broadway Video Reel**
The following graphic:
“Don’t show the MEEP MEEP picture!!”
Week of 1/23/23: just alotta paper shuffling and pencil checks [Run Time: 14:56] Mug: Late Night with Correction Jackals
CORRECTIONS: Seven Days
The O’Reilly (Family) Crime Syndicate
The family that really runs things [at 30 Rock]
Obviously not their real last name, as Seth has been met with retribution before for revealing the surname of the real puppet masters
The “O’Reilly” clan once violently warned Seth to “never use the name, boy-o!”
CONFIRMED: there are a lot of them (implying Irish Catholic roots)
Think Security is the answer?
Seth hints that the John, of John and Jim, Security guards, is IN FACT an O’Reilly himself
(His family is powerful enough to scrub him from the NY Mag nepo baby issue)
Ameila Earhart statue at Purdue is outside a very nice residence hall. Its only downside? Hard to find
Seth claims Earhart was once referred to as the Oscar Wilde of the skies…and that she was famous for her quips: While holding the propeller that she is statued with (at Purdue) someone asked why the propeller wasn’t connected to the plane (very important for flight). Earhart said, “This? This is just a prop.”
Har har
MGM Lion : Tiger Roar :: Eagle : Red Tail Hawk
Seth says they use the more fearsome Red Tail Hawk call because actual Eagle noises sound like a “SQUIGGY”
Seth begs Jackals, “please. No more Mac Tonight merch.” He also doesn’t want (wink wink) (he winks so hard) fabregehe eggs (remember, he’s got three kids worth of Northwestern tuition to pay)
Lots of Mac Tonight merch
Even more Seth as Mac Tonight fan art
Some Seth as Mac Tonight fan art that also includes I 💕Wally Mug (on rock art?) and Scollins tank top-tank top
“It’s worse when it’s me”
“It’s like Mac the Watcher”
ALSO: a piece of Mac Tonight merch that was so distressing/heinous Standards said it could not be shown “on TV” (YouTube)
Seth realized the gravity of the evil creation when the person he showed it to died seven days after seeing the creature
Autopsy revealed the standards person died of filet of fish overdose (the equivalent of 2 filet of fish-es)
It is Seth’s belief that he was only spared because he condemned someone else to die by exposing them
Bathrooms don’t echo they reverberate. Echos get smaller
To the jackal who pointed this out, Seth says, “YOU’RE ANNOYING, YOU’re ANNnoying, you’re annoying.”
MTG might have a harder time kicking in a bathroom door like an old timey saloon door (as most bathroom doors open in). Seth argues that we should not count her out.
Biden could be in possession of classified 8-track cassettes from his early days in the senate (1973), maybe Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear the Reaper”
BOC super fans, otherwise known as The Blue Oyster Cult, were STEAMED ab this because “Don’t Fear the Reaper” came out in 1976
That’s still his first term btw
Seth offers a redo of the punchline for members of the BOC to edit into A Closer Look: **miming over-ear headphones** “This Leroy Brown guys sounds bad. Bad. Bad.” **mimes taking off over-ear headphones**
Biden tripping up stairs video: Seth joked that if Isaac Newton saw it he would burn up all of the notebooks about gravity
Jackals PIPE IN arguing that Newton would be more freaked by watching a video
Seth CLAPS BACK, nahhhhh. Newton didn’t care about anything like he cared about gravity.
S.I.N was not liked, according to Seth, by the mathematicians of the era. The other mathematicians also knew that apples would fall, they didn’t know however, that if you wrote about it and you would be remembered as the father of gravity
Sir Isaac Newton was thus referred to, by other mathematicians, as No Shit, Newton
Norwegian jackal argues that Norwegians, and thus Norwegian tourists in time square, have an excellent grasp on English grammar and are far from the caricatures Seth made them out to be:
“Dear Seth, You had a bit where you did a Norwegian impression and it was disappointing. I think you missed the accent. But more troubling was the grammar. Even those Norwegians with heavy accents are likely to be very comfortable with the grammar. Consider Yen Stoltenburg, sexy-Secretary General of NATO and former Prime Minister of Norway, as a possible example. Thank to you for be reading this. May up be the place you keep this good work.
Seth, “soo..it fell apart at the end.”
Roadrunner’s “Meep Meep” = WB’s version of “bleep”
Meep meep was dubbed over the original audio, which Seth proved last week was actually saying “Fuck off”
Why two beeps and not just “Meep off”
Looney Toons is a children’s cartoon. Seth comes at this from a place of personal reflection, as a father himself: Meep Meep, to children, is the sound he Roadrunner makes. Meep off would be a long and likely annoying conversation…”The whole day they want to know what the meep is for. ‘What’s the meep? What’s the meep!”. Eventually you just tell them to fuck off.
“In real life coyote’s catch and eat roadrunners all the time.”
Cool… -Seth Meyers
Someone didn’t KNIT Seth a Jackal. They very clearly CRO-CHETTED it.
Complaint: Seth has stopped doing his Al Pacino impression
He recognizes that this is true…He thinks of his impressions less like voices, and more like tiny people, inside of him that use him as a vessel to tell their stories. “When they finish telling their stories I think it best to move on so it doesn’t hinder [his] own personal growth. So, with [his] Pacino…as much as it pained [him] to do so…it was time to say goodbye to his little friend.
Exaggerated check mark
You don’t usually get penicillin for gonorrhea. They usually give you one injection of ceftriaxone. Corrections sent in by “Anonymous”
if you don’t want the fish filet, u must remember:
Seth “sits” corrected. At the beginning of Late Night he stood for the monologue except apparently people where dicks about it.
Revisiting Surprise Inspection
Viewers note that when jokes work, Seth doesn’t give credit to the writer
Seth counters, “If you’re in the desert long enough, you’ll drink your own piss.”
The Mars candy company, according to Seth, should face our sociopolitical reality and make their mascot a grey M&M carrying around classified documents
1997 there WAS a grey M&M campaign
Seth recalls the inimitable high from “popping grays”
Suggests Shoemaker popped so many grays that he doesn’t even remember 1997 except for listening to The Verve etc.
Seth laments that times have changed and his current self would turn in a grey for the money
Mac Tonight Fan Art REVISITED: Rock painting of Mac Tonight/Scollins is holding an I <3 Wally mug at “Croch(ET) level (as opposed to “crotch” level)
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin and maybe wouldn’t notice if a naked woman fell into his lap
Instead of chasing tail he was there when the apple came down
The Reillys were incorrectly referred to as the O’Reilleys
Seth’s legal team advises to let it play out in the courts (Giuliani style)
He received a serial killer/ransom note style warning with magazine letters AND ALL…AND A HORSE HEAD…warning him to GET THE NAME RIGHT (AKA KISS THE RING)
Seth took the evidence to HR (in accordance with the instructions from their most recent HR Respect in the Workplace Seminar.), but the HR person said “It’s not worth it…Let. It. Go.” When Seth suggested kicking it up the ladder, she called him an “eed-j-yut” (Seth seems to think she is, in fact, a Reilly
Wally was late to the seminar…wearing sunglasses inside.
PO Box: Someone sent an animal skull with this note
“Dear Seth, Your dog frisbee is with the angels now.” Jk
Seriously, jk. It’s a black-backed jackal skull
The snout/mouth/jaw is taped together because even in death a jackal doesn’t stop “fucking yapping”
Anatomy of a Desk: someone said “you have too much shit on your desk”…I agree
Bad Bad Leroy Brown sung by Jim Crotch …”Crotchey??”
“The Clapper” uses 2 claps not one
Seth finds it strange that the hip young twenty-somethings that “make up the lion share of his audience” know how “The Clapper” works
New Segment: Animal Flubs
🎼Animal Flubs, animal flubs
It’s time to take a look at some animal flubs
From the birds to the bees to the baby bear cubs
It’s time for animal flubs
[Singing Koala] And I know you don’t need to say “baby before you say “bear cub”
Because in that cast, cub means baby
But when you’re writing a song on a Thursday afternoon when you really should be working on “A Closer Look”
Sometimes, your guy might cut a few corners in order to make the rhyme scheme work
Animal flubs, animal flubs
I hope you’re all ready for some animal flubs
Call all your pals, buddies, and buds
It’s Time for animal flubs
F - L - U - B - S
Are the five letters
You use
To spell “flubs”
Animal flubs 🎼
Beef price rising joke used picture of dairy cow = flub
Showed wrong kind of hedgehog = flub (Counter: They’re both delicious -Seth)
Ratio really off in graphic used to show a bird getting inside the house = flub
Bald eagles are back, baby! (They’re no longer endangered thanks to conservation efforts, so you won’t go to jail for killing one) = Flub (Seth warns that it’s a bad time to be a bald eagle with gambling debts)
Radioactive koala joke doesn’t work because there are no koalas in Western Australia (where the radioactive capsule went missing) = flub
NO NOT DRINK YOUR PEE IF YOU’RE STRANDED IN A DESERT
Worst case, drink half a Coors light
The GOP : Roomba analogy doesn’t work because of how Roombas are programmed
Another jackal responded to this: “Oh! Look at richie rich over here with his Roomba”
The Jackal on Jackal action that “get’s [Seth] up in the morning”
Mar’s Candy Corp. 1997 “Find the Imposter” M&M Campaign
Seth’s “grey M&Ms” look, to some sharp-eyed jackals, more silver than grey.
The folks at Mars agreed…creating a very awkward meeting at M&M headquarters.
Seth unsuccessfully tried to “Do you know who I am?” the situation, to which they replied “Yes and we don’t care”.
Mars Candy Corp. (according to Seth) knows they are top dog and were not scared to accuse Seth’s M&Ms as “silvers” and Seth, himself, of having silver-Sharpie-fingers
Seth argued his Sharpie fingers were from signing autographs outside of 30 Rock…because he is famous and people are always asking for his autograph
Mars Candy Corp said they would give him his multi-million dollar prize IF they (the board and general counsel) could follow Seth back to 30 Rock and watch even a single fan approach Seth (in pursuit of autograph)
Seth didn’t want to make his millions in this ~crass~ manor
Trump talks like he’s holding a concertina…not an accordion (which has keys)
The person who made that correction was weird…Al Yankovic
ComPtroller is pronounced without emphasis on the P
Seth checked @ his COME-puter
Joe Biden stands at a lectern not a podium. Lectern as in where you deliver a lecture. Lecture, “easy to remember because it’s what Jackals do to get off”
You don’t pay for continental breakfast at Motel Six
“Should have said Motel 5”…Baze joke (no damage inflicted on joke teller means it is not a Baze of Glory)
Herschel Walker is a FORMER vampire enthusiast (enthusiasm ended after he watched Fright Night and realized werewolves can kill vampires)
“Shoemaker…remember what can kill a werewolf?” A: half a glass of Coors Lite…**Coors Lite ad: 🎼SILVER BULLET / The Right Beer Now🎼**
PO Box Treasure
Invites for 2 different weddings (for Seth and Wally) Seth can’t make it and will not be sharing the information with Wally
Wally has a history of using inappropriate cue-cards while couples-to-be are on the alter
Seth thought he was in the clear from receiving Mac Tonight merch/fan art after going a week without getting any….”I guess it was just cloudy”
Some scawwwy images including one of Seth being cuckolded by Mac Tonight (with Alexi) on a red carpet...the same image suggests the Alexi was carrying Mac Tonight’s child
He got a fabreyie egg!
…with Mac Tonight inside
“Here at late night, every night, I deliver a monologue made up of jokes written by a diverse team of writers. As a result a lot of jokes come across my desk that are all about animals…It’s time for animals flubs: (now with a chorus)
🎼Animal Flubs, animal flubs
It’s time to take a look at some animal flubs
From the birds to the bees to the baby bear cubs
It’s time for animal flubs
[Singing Koala] And I know you don’t need to say “baby before you say “bear cub”
Because in that cast, cub means baby
But when you’re writing a song on a Thursday afternoon when you really should be working on “A Closer Look”
Sometimes, your guy might cut a few corners in order to make the rhyme scheme work
Animal flubs, animal flubs
I hope you’re all ready for some animal flubs
Call all your pals, buddies, and buds
It’s Time for animal flubs
[NEW] And I hope you enjoy the new voices we added to his song
Because a buuuuunch of you were unhappy
So if you’re sitting there now upset at the fact that we added a verse to an overlong song then may we recommend that you take it up with
The asshole who couldn’t just enjoy a nice thing
Enjoy a nice thing
Animal Flubs, Animal flubs
I hope you’re all ready for some animal flubs
[cow] Pencil us in for Best Emmy Song snub
It’s time for animal flubs
F - L - U - B - S
Are the five letters
You use
To spell “flubs”
Animal flubs 🎼
E-mew not e-mu = flub
Quokka not “QUO”ka = flub
Koala baby isn’t a cub…it’s a joey. Koala = marsupial (NOT bear)
Dairy vs beef cow discourse: someone wrote “What do people think happens to dairy cows once the milk production falls too low?” Seth adds, “more importantly what do the dairy cows think happens?!” (He thinks they think they get to retire to Paris)
The Son of Sam listened to his neighbor’s dog…his dog warned him NOT TO listen to his neighbor’s dog = flub
The singing chorus of animals in the Animal flubs package suggests little to no understanding of how animals’ jaws/beaks work = flub
Seth needs that person to know that they already have Tara (Graphics Department) on oxygen by the end of the week
They are already pushing her to the edge
You CAN still go to jail for killing a bald eagle… “Sorry if I got your hopes up.” = flub
Seth is insulted that people think he uses a toilet paper more luxurious than SHarmin
Bitch, he’s freshens with a bidet filled with CHampagne
**various issues with prototype Cicada, Cicada costume**
Super Bowl ads for Jesus (BOOOOO): According to Seth Jesus had a killer marketing campaign by basically just doing the Sermon on the Mount. He claims there was a lesser known “sermon on a plane” but the sound system was so bad no one could hear anything AND Jesus & Co. had to give out A LOT of refunds
Hershel Walker is famous for his commentary on vampires and werewolves but is more famous for playing football.
Seth is concerned upon realizing the former senate candidate was THAT H.Walker….”explains a lot!”
MyPillow salesman Mike Lindell is really loud. Seth heard him out of a SonCH (not a seashell).
Allegedly, Hollywood knows a think or two about IP with potential and gave clearance for:
Lindell the Shell with Boots on
Don’t drink your own urine in the desert. You CAN HOWEVER drink someone else’s.
Don’t drink urine. Drink Their-in…
“There’s a Joyce-ian amount of word play on this show. Joyce is our receptionist. She’s a lot” (and sounds like a Middle Ages-era pub wench(?) )
**Joyce’s word play**
LNSM only keeps her around because…well everyone knows she’s Lorne’s mistress.
JOKING. SETH IS JOKING. He MUST clarify that he IS JOKING because Lorne watches the show every night and is the first person to view Corrections in the wee hours of Friday morning
He’s not shy about sending Seth his thoughts
Someone suggested that Wally should have filled in for Seth while he had a cold. The same person expressed concern for Seth’s age (“you’re not getting any younger”)
No one better to jump start the youth movement than Wally -Seth
Wally is very healthy. Seth attributes it to Wally’s career choice. (Wally’s doctor is on the record saying the man has the stamina of someone half his age and the rotator cuff of a one thousand year old.)
Jackal: “Seth’s wife is hot. Why?”
MacTonight Fan Art: HUGE SHOWS of craftsmanship…also some pieces with minimal craftsmanship
A Jackal suggested that Seth should try to bring “The Rule of Twos” into vogue. For a reference point and physical reminder, said Jackal sent a two inch ruler
Severed Doll head has already hit the three time mark, so that won’t be happening again
Wedding invite
Bill Clinton vs. Bill Kitten
(Seth to MTS) “Remember our short-lived animated show on Hulu, Bill Kitten. It had a moment…
Animal Flubs
(A flub in the song: The eagle sings “B” while spelling flubs. However, since eagles don’t have lips it would not be able to pronounce B” (The rest holds up)
🎼Animal Flubs, animal flubs
It’s time to take a look at some animal flubs
From the birds to the bees to the baby bear cubs
It’s time for animal flubs
F - L - U - squaaawwk - S
Are the five letters
You use
To spell “flubs”
Animal flubs 🎼
“Corrections has never been about making people happy. It’s about kowtowing to the miserable joy-eaters”
Baby koala is called a joey = flub
Seth thinks Australia is dumb for naming the baby version of its most famous animals (koala/kangaroo) the same thing
Giving up on emu = flub (tried and failed to make another CH/SH/K joke with Australian ostrichich)
Killer Whales are dolphins not whales (they kill whales) = flub
🎼Animal Flubs
[Koala] oh, oh god, oh god no
[Porcupine] What’s wrong, Koala
[cow] Somebody do something!
[Koala] **scream fades to :
SEVEN DAYS!
Cicada, Cicada news pt2: The prototype for the Cicada headpiece looks EXCELLENT. Bad news, “It’s like super fucking hot.”
Week of 2/27/23: [Run Time 15:03] (Episode 74, or 73… depends how you count it)
CORRECTIONS (Joyce’s Version)
Circuit breakers don’t flip they trip
Whiskers IS a surname
Popular last name for cake bakers but like… we’re past the point of substantive fact checking
Someone named Joyce has taken control of the Corrections vehicle
“You could skip it.” Seth Meyers, on this week’s “episode”
A lot of ecologists came out in support of the compass app
Seth doesn’t get it but admits to his own form of modernity rejection: Wally
On Wally: “his battery never goes dead. During HR meetings his battery goes low. Definitely been somewhere between 3-5% at some of those HR meetings.”
Monologue /dialogue components reminder
Corrections Seth Can’t Tell?
Graphics Department: Star Wars Bernie should have been in an X4 Land Speeder not a Cruiser (Sorry, nerds)
President Biden’s secret train trip to Ukraine: Joke/graphic continuity very important because “when it comes to attention to detail [Seth] considers train enthusiasts the knitting community ON RAILS”
Remembering The Great Knitting Nightmare: An Ode to a Sweater Vest (Patty Lyons) (and Lego)
Lego Seth (wearing the Lyons vest), Lego Mac Tonight
If he could only bring ONE MOVIE it’d be Nebraska, starring Will Forte
The less funny MacGruber….or a more funny MacGruber, depending on how you fall on the film …very polarizing (also they’re not thematically simpatico …. Nothing about Nebraska warrants a comparison to MacGruber)
Corrections would be impossible to follow if you don’t start from the beginning. YA. weKNOWdis
Why propose format/structure changes during the episode itself ??!!
No follow ups this way
UNDER THE ECCLESIASTICAL CANON, Popes can have as many kids as they want????! Specifically, the Nick Cannon.
And…popes can physically have children
Unless they have a medical procedure known, in the Catholic faith, as a Vatican-estomy
There were apparently a ton of terrible puns available this week
If Bernie’s finger is like a samurai sword, he would have a scabbard/sheath/saya not a holster.
You can remember this because if you encounter someone with a samurai sword and they put it away….you’ll breathe a SAYA relief
🎼Animal Flubs
Animal chorus unhappy with Youtube commenters and collectively decide to not open the segment in song.
Koala read the following comment and is understandably irate: “I gotta say the Animal Flubs song fucking sucks. It’s not funny. And not in the anti-humor and of way. It’s grating and it’s boring”
Eagle: “What a son of a aaaahhhhhh-itch”
Meth rebrand- appetite suppressant
(To MTS): “you’ve probably seen the ads…Meth - the poor man’s Ozempic”
Seth complains ab editorial decisions in YouTube’s closed captionin
“We’ve done like 74 of these…..and some weeks…ya, I don’t have an out!”
All Mac Tonight merch is in the trash can, as it no longer sparked joy (nor did it ever)
Stollen = German Christmas fruitcake
Trump was saying the election was filled with nuts, spices, and dried candied fruits
Rupert Murdoch impression (In Australia, left and right are switched)
A Few Good Men joke … Jack Nicholson Joker clip (aka the wrong Nicholson) … Seth wanted the bit to be him saying “Did I know that and still take artistic license for the sake of the joke” ….“You’re godamn right I did” …”It doesn’t work with ANY Nicholson clip”
Samurais were abolished in 1870… Seth uses this as a moment to wax poetic on the state of the industry and school the hippies constantly whining about how cancel culture isn’t real.
According to gold digging professionals (prospectors, 49ers, women of ill repute), you should ALWAYS keep digging once you strike gold (in response to Seth’s “why keep digging when you’ve already struck gold”)
You DO NOT say Eureka and run off
Seth comes to terms with the fact that he’ll never yell “Eureka!”
ArCHimedes
Seth put too much emphasis on the D of BDSM, but posits someone who puts themself through 75 (74) episodes of Corrections probably likes a little D
Seth: “Ya, neither do regular horse heads…It doesn’t stop the mafia from doing it”
Sal’s Gambit: The callback clip at the end of “A Closer Look”
(Seth suggests some viewers are not nightly viewers)
Also 6 inches (according to gentlemen jackals) is a perfectly normal-average penis size
Magic tricks are just tricks
The bear in Cocaine Bear is a woman
Joke-al: I can’t believe you misgendered Cocaine Bear on International Women’s Day
The dog who played Eddie on Frasier died before the show ended. Seth believes this was for the best because he knew that Moose (the dog actor) thought that if Niles and Daphne got together the show would jump the shark
Moose’s son, Enzo, replaced him after Moose’s death
Lots of questions about Enzo’s whereabouts
Corrections is TWO-TIME Emmy nominated
Which episode should LNSM submit (to compete against the inevitable winner, Carpool Karaoke)
Vote via @seacaptainpolls
Must be Episode 49 or later
Submit episodes that read more “Comedy” than “Content”
Joke-al (Part 2): Hermes Bag Knock off joke—> “Herpes you’ll carry it with you forever”
Genuine Correction: hearing impaired is outdated, deaf and hard of hearing is preferred
Corrections is NUMBERED NOW (incorrectly)
Re: Meth, the poor man’s Ozempic
Kind of true
Seth suggests that the original Breaking Bad was to be about a chemistry teacher and his former student who developed a weight loss pill (Breaking Fat) (this joke possibly nulled the previous Emmy noms)
Introduction of Call forward, the nonlinear comedic technique in which BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Donald Trump would not know to call Frankenstein the correct Frankenstein’s monster (based on previous tendency to be an idiot ie calling Tim Cook, Tim Apple)
Seth claims THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN HIS POINT
INTRODUCES: The Jackal’s Paradox…”there are two paths forward and neither one makes you happy”
“A female bear is not called a woman…Okay, TERF!” -Seth Meyers
Female bear = sow
Male bear = boar (never stop talking about fishing)
BDSM Wk2 (re: Someone who does 75 eps of Corrections is probably into a little D): Weekly corrections is not in fact, (D)domination, but (M) masochism—submitting himself to the humiliation—and (S) sadism for making the crew stay for it.
“You know what they say? You can’t have Seth Meyers without a little S and M.”
Joke-al Herpes Joke Wk2 (discourse of joke cycle): That joke was so funny it should go viral
Randy Johnson killed a bird (Wk2): The bird was a MOURNING dove
The bird already in MOURNING : Getting hit with a baseball :: a hearse : driving off the side of a cliff
Right? Wrong! Hearse driver (dying off the side of cliff) is not intrinsically that (nor is he mourning…he works there…the hearse) (Seth recognizes the perforative mourning/respect expected in BIG FUNERAL)
You can only drive off the top of a cliff, then **mimes car dropping down, not technically driving**
“The episode you choose will have the honor of losing to carpool karaoke...I think I know the difference that works against us: Any episode of carpool karaoke is good.** Any episode of Corrections is good if you watch every other episode.”
**This is very much a quote by Mr. Meyers and not the editorial opinion of this find publication
This episode is so distinctly blue. reminder to insert edited photo (adding photos makes this doc glitch even more)
Skeptical viewers think Seth is paying his staff extra to laugh at Corrections.
He pays them per laugh…Payment breakdown: $9 divided and distributed among staff on a per laugh basis. (This is why they are STRIKKKKINNNGG) BUT Buck just bought his second yacht (A BACKUP)
Flaco the Owl Wk3 (he will have plenty of rats to eat): Flaco the Owl in Central Park : rats :: toddlers in chicken nugget factory : chicken nuggets (Wk2 consensus: toddlers would starve in Chicken nug factory because the nugs are frozen)
Wk3 consensus: chicken nugget paste would probably be fine
Shrewd Jackal noted that Seth’s Kenny Coyle impression makes it seem like Kenny Coyle is, in fact, related to MTS
Seth confirms Coyle’s paternity and reveals that almost everyone at the show is a Shoemaker (kid)…”they just keep coming out of the woodwork”.
MTS, at the very least, classifies them as “MUST HIRES” (hm..COULDN’T BE ME)
Often telling Seth, “there’s another one at the page desk.” (Also, couldn’t be me)
Regarding the myriad children, MTS is, according to Seth, “so mad he did 23andMe.”
Only did so to “prove he descended from the Medici” (wanted to prove he was Italian royalty, now he just gets a bunch of genetic matches)
Mac Tonight Toys: Seth claimed people were jealous, jackal says “NO, they are envious.”
“Every time you think it can’t get worse”
Death by Old Age (an extended Mourning Dove situation): Wk1: No one dies of old age, you just get worse. Wk2(now): The Queen died of old age. CONSENSUS A LA SETH “THE MEDIATOR” MEYERS: —he can’t get it out the first time— ~throws terrifying Mac Tonight Crochet doll~ “I’ll do it anyway. They weren’t going to put autoerotic asphyxiation”
“See me next week”
Week of 4/3/2023: Message “More like “Boologist” [Run Time 15:10]
A Riveting Corrections
Founding Father myths = lies
Zo-ologist not pronounced zoo-ologist. Seth suggests they switch spellings, going for the only word with three Os, instead of opting for sounding like little freaks
Finger prints are digital now (if Trump has inky-fingies, his Sharpie exploded or he robbed a bank)
RE: Trump finger prints/New York cold-cases: Could he, for example, be the Westchester strangler? Jackals (MANy) say no. He is not physically capable of strangulation. Tiny hand jokes (A LOT)
“We don’t mess with that 2015 Donald Trump comedy…We left little hand jokes on the other side [of the pandemic].” -SM
Seth also posits that Trump doesn’t have the “sticktoitiveness” to pull off multiple on-theme crimes (so as to receive a name)
FDR Drive vs. Highway
Triangle vs. Sector of pizza. GROW UP (Tony of the slice shop is gunna be pissed)
Apparently Medici is pronounced a different way
Straw that broke the camels back — needs another camel’s back not more straw
Can’t get high on hemp
Keith Richards would eat candy floss not cotton candy (why British people have such bad teeth)
Chicken can eat shrimp. Shrimp can eat chicken but it takes a long ass time
There IS such a thing as an inaudible gasp
Jackal explains that you are never supposed to look at the sun, but people forget on Eclipse day (I think there’s more to it tbh)
Hearse Drivers (Wk3): 1. They call their cargo a can of worms. 2. Coffins taper at the bottom (conform with shape of human body). VS. Caskets (just the box) 3. Discourse regarding the day-to-day schedule of hearse drivers. 4.hearses are now called funeral coaches
Seth recalls his high school funeral coach, Coach Mackenzie, who offered scathing critique of funerairial lace and mourning practices
Anatomy of a Pantomime:Ron DeSantis used three fingers to eat pudding and two for yogurt (I suggest CommandF-ing ‘Anatomy’ … v funny, it’ll really take you back)
Hearses (Wk4): Graveyards attached to churches…cemeteries are attached to highways
Cars for Kids is catchy (herpes catchy). Seth believed it to be a regional ad, but it has gone national…” I always said, if we didn’t stop them when we had a chance….this would happen”
Rupert Murdoch Impression: Catchphrase “Eat bugs, ya fuck!”
Closed Captioning has been labeling the impression as an Austrian accent
Testicle Tanning with Tucker (Carlson) (on behalf of Tucker Carlson): Seth does his journalistic duty and clears the air for old TuckyTuck, who is going through it at the moment: Testicle tanning is a bad idea. “If you want to do it at all, you’re going to want to do scrotum tanning because the testicles are inside…The sun would haver to get sooo hot to get through, again, to use a Shoemaker term, scrotal wall”
Zoology: If Zoologist wanted to be kooky/crazy/fun and add in that triple O, they would not be the only triple O-word, as Seth suggested
Hysterosalpingooophorectomy
“Which is a word that means ‘hat’ “ -SM
Eclipse Info (Wk2): It’s worse to look at an eclipse because when it gets dark your eyes adjust to the lack of light. When it pokes back out, your eyes aren’t ready for it…”they get blasted”
The first rays of sun that poke out after the eclipse are the only rays hot enough to permeate the scrotal wall
If the Trump mugshot became famous like the Johnny Cash/Frank Sinatra mugshot and people hung them in their dorm rooms, you wouldn’t be able to just flip on a lava lamp and see the poster. It takes like 45 minutes for a lava lamp to get going
Movies never rely on a lava lamp switch to reveal someone waiting in the dark
Ally Hoard, Watson and Crick-double helix joke: Rosalind Franklin should also be credited
Meyers reports that Ally Hoard said, “A woman scientist? I don’t think so.”
Re “…depending on when you watch this, either today or -- or yesterday or three weeks from now” I don’t have quite a big enough ego to believe this is in regards to my work (or lack there of…in a timely manner) but I’m trying to figure out how/when to rap up this futile and stupid celebration in a way that feels right.
Answer: star. power.
When Seth asked for Adele’s number, Corden was weird about it and, when Seth checked the number, it was 1-877-K-A (Kars4Kids Wk2)
“White Winged Dove” (Randy Johnson Dove Explosion Wk3): A one winged dove would not comically fly in circles as Seth joked last episode.
Confused one wing dove with a one paddle boat
A one wing dove would “die real fast”
Joke-als:
(Re Tucker Carlson oppo file)…It would be hard for NBC H.R. to blackmail Wally because, when it comes HR, Wally is laying low
Funeral coach (Hearse Wk4): Jackals do not believe Seth was ever a varsity athlete (lettered in funeral)
Clarification: Seth lettered in varsity track, one year. His school’s track team did not do “cuts”.
He tried to join football with his brother and coach put him (a junior) on JV. After Josh quit, Seth continued playing. The coach told him (after completing the summer of two-a-day practices) he was cut because the coach thought “[Seth] had other talents].
It was embarrassing and a little bit traumatic
When Seth went back to high school (for his getting-hired-on-SNL victory lap the coach (now guidance counselor) said “I told you you had other talents” (before going back to high school, Seth was still very mad at the coach, which is fair because high school wounds cut deep)
Seth realized his “talents weren’t even plural”. He is good “at one thing, which is writing.”
Seth does Corrections for free, really. He even lost out on one time Corrections sponsor Pizza Hut - That being said, he loves to write and stands with (and as a member of) the WGA (info and resources below)
“So if you don’t see me here next week, know that it is something that is not done lightly and that I will be heartbroken, too, and miss you as well. And let’s just keep our you-know-whats…and SEE ME WHEN YOU SEE ME”
if you made it this far, u might as well subscribe. but keep reading! the conclusion is funny
A Conclusion of Sorts
After another round of edits, this deranged project of mine (allegedly) clocks in at a 103 minute read which, I admit, is far too long. So I will keep my concluding thoughts brief. First, I have only Jackal-ed in YouTube comments once, voicing my disappointment that Seth did not approach Owen Wilson (when he hosted SNL) to get feedback on his Wilson related impressions and discuss Wedding Crashers 2. I now know the reason I haven’t joined the mob of weekly hecklers is because I hate posting in public forums (regarding myself or Seth). This is likely the result of one of two things:
I have zero experience hawking my own work/advocating on behalf of myself.
I’m a child of the late nineties and still harbor an innate fear that too much of an online presence is asking to get kidnapped (rather than our current reality, where an internet presence means influence and influence means money).
What I have gained, driving myself bonkers, living and breathing Seth Meyers for the last few weeks: I remembered that I love to write even if it is just for myself. If I had worked this hard or cared anywhere near as much about my Senior Thesis—I would probably still be unemployed (political theory does NOT pay)—but definitely wouldn’t have had to pull two weeks of all-nighters in order to graduate…
What I have lost: my F key! Every time I use an f word, I have to go through the torturous sensory experience that is touching a weird little keyboard nub. It is rubbery and warm, collects crumbs, and makes me want to cut off (~EW!!!~) the tops of my fingers (gag). Although I do not imagine this project will yield any paying writing jobs, I told myself (gag) I’m going to get it fixed (gag) with money I make writing. For (gag) now, I will use my many years of (ew) therapy to try and promote this without scratching my eyeballs out and use the blog to hold myself (gag) accountable and keep putting myself (gag) out there…ew, that last part kind of felt (gag) like when the title of (gag) a movie is in the movie.
Call me. Beep me. I’m a good writer, editor, and researcher. I can curl into a very tight ball, taking up little to no space. I am proficient (gag) in most Adobe software (ew), and can use social media as well as the hippest teen, although I prefer(gag) to keep a low soshe (social media) profile myself (ew). I am also in the market to muse/model/be a fountain of creative inspiration
Again, this was beautifully formatted pre-Substack.
Amber Says What
First Known Air Date**
Pre-Pandemic
Amber’s Minute of Fury
First Known Air Date**
Pre-Pandemic
Jokes Seth Can’t Tell
First Known Air Date**
Pre-Pandemic
What Does Millennial Writer Karen Chee Know?
I have exciting news to share: You can now read missing f in the new Substack app for iPhone.
First Known Air Date**
Pre-Pandemic
One of Seth’s Writers Explains a Joke
First Known Air Date**
Pre-Pandemic
**Based on the official Late Night with Seth Meyers YouTube Channel playlist titled, “Seth’s Writers on Meyers”, and nothing else because the LNSM YouTube is really lacking in the archival segment footage department (aka Popsicle Schtick ERASURE) (aka hire me please, I’ll make really niche TikTok content or something so I don’t step on anybody’s toes)
"Also, clock math is hard." Yes, it is. That just gave me some painful flashbacks. Otherwise, this article is delightful! I consider myself a fan of Seth Meyers, but you are clearly on another level. Thank you for putting this together, and helping me avoid productive labor. You rock!
"Also, clock math is hard." Yes, it is. That just gave me some painful flashbacks. Otherwise, this article is delightful! I consider myself a fan of Seth Meyers, but you are clearly on another level. Thank you for putting this together, and helping me avoid productive labor. You rock!
Congrats on the shout out I was so happy for you I kinda cried